Page 61 of Ruthless God

Because I’ve seen the ugly parts of him, and I know what I’m getting, so whatever he shows me, I can easily accept it.

I’m a glutton for the pain he inflicts on me.

The way he dangled me over the rail of the balcony, fucked me senseless, made me feel the adrenaline that I never experienced in my life, and I loved it.

He cocks his eyebrow, leaning in, stroking his knuckles against my cheek. “You keep staring at me? Why?”

He’s so beautiful and unhinged at the same time. I keep staring at him until a smile tugs at the corners of his mouth. His smile makes me melt, but I school my facial expression so he can’t read me.

Sighing, I bring my legs to my chest, resting my chin on my kneecaps.

“Did you always have a crush on me?”

His eyes narrow as he runs his fingers through his silky hair, keeping his gaze glued to mine. This is the first time in a long time Snow has taken forever to answer any of my questions. The silence stretches between us.

“Are you going to answer me?”

He twitches his mouth, biting the inside of his cheek. “I think it’s pretty obvious that it was more than a crush.”

Confusion rises within me. Bailey always told me he had a crush on me, but I never suspected he actuallylikedme.

I straighten my spine like a needle. “Then how did you feel about me before the accident?”

“Some words aren’t meant to be shared.”

I cock a brow. “What’s that even supposed to mean?”

He sits up on his knees and our lips are so close that if I moved an inch, he could kiss me.

He grips my chin, stroking his fingers along my jaw, then his gaze goes to my lips. “You don’t need to know.”

I place my hands behind me, thrusting my tits in his face, but I didn’t mean to. He looks down at them. My heart beats frantically in my chest as my pulse accelerates.

“I wouldn’t ask the question if I didn’t want the answer.”

He’s quiet for several moments. “I worshipped the ground you walked on back then.” He yanks me by the hair gently, eyeing my lips. “I would have died for you, and I would have killed for you. Is that a good enough answer?”

I gasp at his words because I had no idea he felt that way toward me. “Now, how do you feel?”

“It’s complicated. I don’t know.”

His words twist up inside of me, and the way he says it makes my heart beat faster.

“Are you still mad at me about the car accident?”

“I don’t know.” He sighs. “What were you going to ask me that night?”

I don’t want to admit to him that I was going to ask him to take my virginity and to help me navigate my sexual desires, or the fact that I wanted to tell him I was in love with him.

I remember the feeling clearly as day, hoping he wouldn’t reject me. “I was going to ask you to take me skating.”

He shakes his head, then places his hand around my neck. “Liar. The last time I asked you, you told me you wanted takeout from your favorite restaurant.”

I shrug. “I was going to ask you to take my virginity.”

I glance away, though I’m not ashamed of what I like anymore. Snow made me accept that part of myself and helped me come out of my shell. He taught me to like that side of me, and I’m forever grateful for him for that, but I’m not about to admit to him that I was in love with him at the time. I don’t want to complicate our relationship any more than it already is.

Bewilderment creases his face. “You wanted me as much as I wanted you back then.” He says it more to himself, as if he’s confirming it for his own benefit. I don’t reply because it’s true.

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