Page 42 of Ghoul Kisses

Sitting on the balcony, I drape a blanket over my lap. I can’t sleep, so I stare at the green forest. The wind blows, tickling my skin as I take a sip of my hot tea. My mind drifts to Jessie and how much I miss her. How would she feel about me dating Eric? Would she like him? Did she ever believe in the paranormal world? Where would her life be? If I would have died, would Mom have given her the key instead? I wish I could have chosen a better life for us. When I was nine years old, my mother married Tom and left us with Mrs. Nora, the nanny. Jessie got tired of having a nanny, so she fired her. It’s just me and you, kiddo. Jessie uttered those words and she was right. I was eleven at the time, and Jessie was seventeen. She would cook dinner when I came home from school. She made sure that I completed my homework. I would ask her when Mom and Tom would come home, and she would look at me with sad hazelnut eyes and shake her head. After a while, I stopped asking. I knew my mom chose Tom over us. Jessie tried to be the parent my mom wasn’t. Even though we lived in a big house and were wealthy, I would have traded all of that for a stable home. Jessie did the best she could in raising me.

Eric comes out and leans against the balcony rail.

“It’s three in the morning, what are you doing out here?” he asks, standing in his boxers.

“I can’t sleep,” I mutter, resting my head on my knees.

“Come back to bed, you can’t stay out here long; it’s too cold.”

“I’m okay.” My voice breaks with emotion, and tears roll down my cheeks.

“Talk to me, love.”

“It’s about my sister,” I whisper.

“I didn’t know you had a sister.”

I want to bare my soul to him, but will he look at me in a different way? I am a selfish person. Everyone is selfish to a certain extent, but what I did was horrible. I don’t deserve a happy life. Anxiety bubbles in my chest.

“I did something unforgivable to her.” I don’t bother glancing up at him; I’m too ashamed.

“What is it?” he insists, moving next to me. The tension is so thick that I can barely breathe. Another hot tear slips from the corner of my eye.

“Talk to me, Sarah,” Eric pleads. This time his voice is gentle as he pushes my bangs from my face, tilting my chin up so I’ll meet his gaze.

“When I had liver cancer, I needed a portion of a liver. Jessie gave me hers and…” I sob uncontrollably as the memory comes back to me. “And the anesthesia was too strong for her, so she stopped breathing.”

“It’s not your fault, Sarah,” He pulls me into his arms and strokes my back. He is the only one I have ever admitted it to. Vanessa knew because she read my diary, but I never openly confessed it to anyone. Eric cups my chin and drops a kiss on my mouth.

“It is my fault. If I hadn’t pressured her to do it, she wouldn’t have died.”

“You think she would want that?”

“What?” His question isn’t making any sense.

“Do you think she would want you to die so she could live?” I don’t respond.

“She knew the risk of having the surgery, right?” he asks.

“Yea, but it doesn’t justify her death.”

“I’m not justifying her death; I want you to see it from her point of view. Sarah, she was your sister; she wanted to protect you. Believe me, I know you shouldn’t beat yourself up about it.” I let his words sink in. It doesn’t take away the guilt, but it makes me see it from his point of view. It feels so good letting him know how I feel. He didn’t judge me or look at me any differently, which is what I was afraid of. Eric picks me up from the chair and carries me to the bed. I crawl under the sheets. Eric lies next to me, and I kiss the bridge of his nose. “Eric, if I ask you something, do you promise to tell me the truth?”

“What is it?” I smell his minty breath.

“How did you get that scar on your back?”

He frowns, and I press my forehead to his.

“I promise I won’t judge you,” I whisper.

I hope he trusts me enough to let me in, give me some kind of glimpse of his life before me.

“I was a slave,” he says.

“To which coven?” I ask, he raises his left eyebrow.

“How do you know about the different covens?” He doesn’t need to know I’ve been asking Odessa questions about vampires.

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