Page 32 of Jackson

“No, you wouldn’t have, because he was with a group of women and was in a disguise. He would have walked right out of there.”

“So you make a call that could fuckin’ put everyone in danger?”

She sits up beside me. “I only put myself in danger, not anyone else. I have a right to fight for myself, Jackson. I was the one in prison, not you. Do you have any idea what that was like?”

“Do you have any fuckin’ idea what it was like sittin’ at home with our daughter wonderin’ if she was ever goin’ to see her mom again?”

The room falls silent.

“I made a mistake.”

“And I said we can talk about it tomorrow,” I snap, my chest tightening with a rage that has been building for months.

Everything with Spike, then Serenity getting locked away, now this. It’s fucking consuming me. I don’t want to take it out on her, I’m trying to stop her from pushing, but she’s refusing to listen. She won’t back down, and she’ll push until I explode.

“You’ve made your point,” I go on, my breathing ragged as I fight for calm. “Now I’m goin’ to go to sleep because if I don’t, this is goin’ to erupt and cause more problems than we already have.”

For a minute, just a minute, I think she might actually listen. We sit in silence, for the longest while, then unable to help herself, she goes on, “Excuse me if I don’t want to spend the next few months sitting out here while my daughter is growing up without me."

I lose it.

I can’t fucking take a second more of this pushing.

Sitting upright in bed, I bark, “Your daughter is growin’ up without you because you made a decision, and you continue to make those fuckin’ decisions without thinking about anyone else.”

“That’s unfair,” she cries, leaping out of the bed and flicking the light on. It takes my eyes a minute to adjust, and I see her standing, wearing only my shirt and a pair of panties, her hair a mess as it falls over her shoulders. “I would never willingly choose to be without her, and you know it. You fucking know it.”

“Did you think about her today when you fuckin’ drove that truck away, when you let yourself be seen in the streets, when you nearly got caught again?” I roar, shoving myself out of the bed and pulling on my jeans. I need to get out of here, because if I don’t, I’ll say something I don’t mean.

“You’re angry at me, I know you are,” she tries to calm her voice, “but, Jackson, I’m sorry. I am trying to tell you I made a mistake.”

“And I’m tryin’ to tell you to fuckin’ let it go, but you’re refusing to do that.”

“I’ll find Hound,” she says, her voice trailing off as she formulates yet another plan. “We can use me as bait. He wants to get hold of me. We can find him, and blame him, and fix all of this.”

“Nobody is bein’ used as bait.”

“Let me do something, Jackson!” She throws her hands up. “I feel helpless here, I can’t do it for much longer.”

“You’re not goin’ after Hound,” I grind out. “I won’t allow it.”

“He’ll come out for me.”

“I said no,” I hiss.

“But it’ll work, it will ...”

“It won’t fuckin’ work,” I bellow. “He’ll fuckin’ kill you on the spot.”

“He won’t.” She angrily shoves her hair off her shoulders. “He wants revenge for what happened to the club, and he’ll use me to get it. He won’t just kill me.”

“He fuckin’ will, I know he will.”

She shakes her head, confused. “How the hell could you know that?”

I’m done playing nice.

She poked the bear, now she’s going to get the full force of that choice.

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