Page 80 of Happy Trails & Honey Pots

“No, I don’t.” A single tear slid down her cheek. “This whole thing is confusing. My feelings are all…this is all…it’s all wrapped up with the past and…”

“And Austin,” I said what she wouldn’t.

“Yes, and Austin.” Two more tears fell down her face as her lower lip trembled. “I think I love you. I really do, but it’s confusing, and I just don’t know. But I’m so grateful that I met you. You are the kindest, most generous, patient, incredible man, and I’m so happy that AJ met you and you came into our lives.” She lifted up on her toes and pressed a quick kiss to my mouth before lowering down on her heels, turning, and walking out the door.

And this time…it really did feel like goodbye.

39

ZOE

I wasbarelyholdingit together as I took my first sip of coffee from myNURSE Because Badass Multi-Tasking Life Saver Isn’t An Official JobTitlemug that Nadia got me for Christmas last year. The hot, energy-filled liquid was running down my throat as I set the ceramic novelty gift on the counter, and the dryer beeped, indicating the cycle was done. When I heard the noise, my shoulders dropped, and frustration in the form of liquid tears pooled in my lower lids. I would never have guessed how much of my life would be spent doing laundry. It was only me, Walter, and AJ, but I swear I wasalwayseither washing, drying, or folding laundry. Between towels, sheets, scrubs, AJ’s sports attire, sweats, pajamas, and all of our regular clothes, it was nonstop.

When I started to turn to go to the mudroom, something caught my eye. It was the calendar. I went to grab the pen and realized I hadn’t marked it in… I started counting back and saw that it had been over three weeks since I’d put an X and counted the days in my head since I’d lost Austin.

How could I do that?

How could that happen?

I knew how.

I’d been distracted.

My chest tightened in panic as the tears of frustration that had formed in my eyes spilled down my face. I wiped them away, rushed into the laundry room, emptied the dryer into a basket, and then walked to the kitchen table and turned it over. Clean clothes tumbled out on the flat surface.

It had been a month since Miles and the film crew packed up and left Firefly. I’d expected everything to go back to normal. I thought out of sight, out of mind. It turned out I was wrong. My experience had gone the way of absence making the heart grow fonder. What I thought was just a physical attraction turned out to be real feelings. What I self-diagnosed as a projection of my feelings for Austin onto Miles was not that at all.

Sometime over the past few months, I’d fallen in love with Miles Ford.

I was doing my best to forget him, but everywhere I looked, I saw him. I felt like Hugh Grant inNotting Hillwhen he was trying to get over Julia Roberts’ character. Miles's movieLong Way Homecame out two weeks ago. There was a huge billboard of his face on my drive going to and from work. There were posters of it in the hospital parking structure, and all the patients and hospital staff had seen the movie, and it was the number one topic of conversation.

AJ saw it twice. Once with his friends and once just with Kendall. He would not shut up about it. Even Walter had gone on a double date to a matinee with Anna May Birch and Harlan’s grandfather and Mrs. B, who ran the Boarding House. It was the only movie playing at the Drive-In Movie Theater. I was probably the only person in Firefly that hadn’t seen it.

I couldn’t. I missed Miles too much. So much it hurt. I was in actual physical pain. I had flu-like symptoms. There had been several times I’d taken my temperature just to be on the safeside. I’d even run a blood panel at work to make sure I wasn’t actually ill. All the results came back fine. I was just heartbroken because I was an idiot.

Miles said all the right things. He’d told me he loved me. He loved AJ. He loved Walter. All he’d asked for was time. I told him no and that I was confused. I told him I didn’t know if I loved him, and now it was too late. I’d seen him at the movie premiere with Shelby Denison. She was a UK pop star who was breaking into movies. More tears began to fall down my cheeks.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Walter hobbling down the hallway using the wall for stability, and I quickly sniffed back my emotion and wiped my cheeks. This was the only time I was grateful that he wasn’t as spritely as he used to be, so I had time to pull myself together.

I kept my head down and picked up a T-shirt, hoping I could keep it together until he made his way past me to the front room, where he would sit in his La-Z-Boy and watch Wheel of Fortune. That hope faded when I heard the legs of a chair scrape along the floor as it was pulled out.

“Well, now, what have these clothes done that has got you so upset? Do I need to have a word with them?” he teased as he picked one up and wagged his finger at it.

“No.” I chuckled as I wiped the back of my hand beneath my nose.

“Alright, now, young lady, I’ve been doin’ my best to keep myself to myself and let you have your space, but the fact is, you’ve been bluer than blue for a month of Sundays. Was it the movie? Did it bring up too much? Should we have said no?”

I shook my head as guilt washed over me.

“Is it somethin’ at work? Did a patient die? Is it that Mrs. Beaumont? I know how fond you are of her.”

Another wave of guilt washed over me. Walter really listened. He loved me, and how did I repay him? I cheated on his grandson. Sort of. I shook my head again.

I forced myself to smile. “No. Mrs. Beaumont is fine.”

“Is it the girls? Is something wrong with Nadia, Ashley?”

“No.” I took in a shaky breath.

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