Page 39 of One Last Goodbye

I feel like I’m listening in on a soap opera. I suppose it’s gratifying in an odd way to know that both Jensens were immature children, but still. What a terrible way to live one’s life. I am older than Catherine and as old as Frederick, but I don’t feel a need to throw common sense to the wind and act a fool without consideration for how my behavior impacts others.

Oh yes, Sean’s voice echoes in my mind.You’re the poster child for growing old with grace.

I swear to God, if Sean O’Connell is the new voice of my conscience, I will travel to the nearest mental hospital and commit myself again.

“I’m not going to act like we’re the best people who ever lived,” Catherine says, “but we both loved you and Ethan very much, and that includes your father.”

“Oh yeah, I’m really feeling the love right now.”

“I’m trying, Liv.” Catherine sounds on the verge of tears.

“Well, stop trying. Dad tried, but he still missed my birthday to get a blowjob from his secretary.”

“That’s not what happened. He was called into work because there was a stock market crash.”

“Yeah, I’m sure that’s what he told you.”

“It was in the news, Liv. That’s one of the few times—”

She stops herself, but it’s too late. “Oh my God!” Olivia cries. “You knew the whole time?”

“Yes, Liv, I knew the whole time,” Catherine says curtly. “And I’m sure your father knew that I slept with other men too. Like I said, it’s hard to be with the same person for twenty years when you’ve spent your whole adult life getting to do anything you want.”

“You mean anyone—”

"Yes, damn it, anyone! Yes! Okay? Yes, it's hard to only have sex with one person when you grow up rich or beautiful, andyou can literally have sex with anyone you want, and they feel privileged to get to do it. Okay? I'm sorry."

“How the hell are you two my parents?” Liv sounds like she’s crying now. “I amnothinglike you.”

“And I’m glad for that,” Catherine snaps bitterly. “I’m not happy with who I am, and whatever you might think of him, your dad wasn’t happy with who he is either. We both wanted you guys to be different. That’s why you and Ethan aren’t out there being ‘presented’ to other rich people or comparing everything you own with all the other rich kids or sleeping around and doing drugs with every other teenager on this lake.”

“Oh, yeah, you’re right, it’s so much better to be shut-ins like fucking freaks!”

“Yes, it is, Liv,” Catherine says drily. “Yes, it very much is. Believe me, you’re better off not living the life your dad and I lived. I know we’re not perfect, but that’s one decision I will stand behind. We’ve kept you away from the filth we live in, and we’ve taught you to be better people.”

“And you couldn’t do the same thing yourself? You both know it’s wrong, but you couldn’t stop?”

Catherine sighs again. “Look, I won’t try to convince you to love your father if you don’t, but Iamtelling you to leave Ethan out of it. He doesn’t need to hear you say the crap you said in the car.”

“No. Let him believe Dad was a saint so he can grow up to treat women like holes just like Dad did.”

I hear footsteps now, and I quickly walk away. I don’t make it to the kitchen in time.

“Oh great. Now Mary heard everything. Well, that’s wonderful, Mary. Now you know Dad was a piece of shit.”

I turn around and stammer an apology, but Olivia is already gone, brushing past me and stomping up the stairs to her ownroom. Just before she reaches the top of the stairs, she turns around and shouts, “I’m glad he’s dead. I’m glad it hurt.”

She stomps away, leaving me and Catherine stunned. I turn to her and try to stammer another apology, but Catherine lifts her hands for me to stop and says, “You know what? Just forget about what you heard, okay?”

She stalks upstairs to her own room. I remain where I am for a while, trying to digest what I've heard. A terrible thought has just formed in my head.

Olivia’s anger is understandable, and the sentiment that she’s glad her father’s dead is an all-too-common one from a teenager after losing a parent with whom they’ve had a complicated relationship.

But the last thing she said. “I’m glad it hurt.”

How would she know that it hurt? Usually, shots through the head are instant and painless. I assumed it was painless.

So why would she say that she’s glad it hurt? I hate to think this way, but could she have known that it hurt because she watched him die? Did she see pain on his face as he clung to his last few seconds of life?

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