Page 6 of Lux

“I can’t say. I’mcontractually obligatednot to--” He shakes his head “But, if you’re interested in your mother and her past, I could show you better than I can tell you.”

“No,” Caspian says.

At the same time, I say, “Please.”

I spent my entire life refusing to question, even once, but now? I’d go to the ends of the earth to find answers.

The man blinks. Then he nods, his eyes on Caspian. “Maybe another day, but I will say this: Altaris’s protection always comes with a price. Make sure you think long and hard before making a deal him. The bastard has his secrets. I bet they won’t take too much effort to find--” He scans the wide space around us and then meets my gaze. “Good night.”

After walking through the metal door, he turns around. Slams it shut.

“No,” Caspian growls. His back is to me, his body tense. Yet he doesn’t shrug me off. Doesn’t release my hand. Though I know he wants to, he doesn't pry into my thoughts either.

It’s like he’s forgotten how to reach into another’s soul and take what he desires. Those torturous days of silence changed him forever.

They still are.

As is the blood I give him. Our mental connection gives me an insight into him I didn’t have before. For instance, I feel his irritation ripple through me before I even hear it in his voice.

“He aims to hurt you,” he tells me, his voice ice cold. “Sell you. Chop you into little pieces. Can’t you see that?”

I can.

But so did he. So does everyone, even Day. Especially Altaris. They want to chop me. Control me. Own me. Destroy. Throw away the pieces of Niamh and act as though she never existed.

My mother didn’t. She left me behind. Never looked upon my face. Maybe if she had. Maybe if she did…

She would want to know me.

He doesn’t understand. Irritated, his thoughts slither and ram against mine. Probing but not penetrating.

“Tell me what you are thinking,” he snaps. While facing away from me, he continues to support my body without even trying. Without wanting to.

“You have no family,” I say, pressing my chin to his shoulder blade.

He doesn’t. None he remembers or cares to recall. The others in his hive mind—especially Cassius—he does not miss. Despises. He would rather die than call them family ever.

But I…

“I need to know,” I say. “I need to know what I am. I need to know why she didn’t want me.”

I know the reason. The rules didn’t allow it. The rules deemed me different.

Yet, I broke them. For a simple wish, I went another way. I left.

I wanted to see a museum badly enough to escape from decorum.

She birthed me. Gave life to me.

Shouldn’t she have been equally compelled? But she wasn’t. Instead, she left me alone to die.

“I need to know why,” I croak, my mouth against Caspian’s shoulder. “I need to know what I am. I need to hear her say… I want her to tell me why she didn’t want me.”

I’d comforted myself so long with the Lord Master’s lies. But there is more to it. Altaris taunts me with the truth. I am more than a dirty thing. I am a hybrid.

A half-breed, though mixed with what?

“We don’t need them,” Caspian hisses. “I know who you are. You are mine—” He wrenches me around to face him. His fingers grip my hair, bringing my mouth closer to his. “My fae. We belong to no one. We are beholden tono one!”

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