Page 11 of Lux

The observation gives me a glimpse into the way his mind works and how he thinks. The awe of his own space does not faze him: as a vamryre, ownership was not a question. They could take what they wanted from whomever—except their master. Belongings were interchangeable, and nothing held their interest for long.

Until him.

Until me.

Having something to protect is new to him. An uncanny, unfamiliar feeling. Any bad actor can use various avenues or routes to get to us, and he notes them all.

How differently we both see this space. I view it as the epitome of freedom, while he sees it as a fortress that must be defended.

How can I not? In this realm, I am not regulated by a single bell tower. I can go where I’d like. Do what I want. Even with the risk of danger looming overhead, it is…

Perfect. Beyond any dream I could have ever dreamed.

I’m smiling again. It is only from Caspian's gaze, the way he clenches his jaw, that I know.

“Your anger is intoxicating,” he explains without prompting. “Your happiness is vibrant. You feel emotions differently than others.” He doesn’t know what to make of it. Slowly, his lips curl downward into a disapproving frown. “You are a contradiction.”

“What does that mean?” I ask, hoping he will tell me. I don't feel insulted. No. He could never intentionally hurt me. Instead, I am curious. Compared to the straightforward texts I grew up reading, his way with words is so different. Sprinkled with hidden meanings and unusual phrases, he is a language unto himself.

One I desperately want to learn.

He eyes me for a long while, his head cocked. “You do not make sense. Even your tears are beautiful. You shouldn’t exist.”

I was wrong before. He can hurt me. With gutting, tiny stabs of an invisible knife. All the air has left my lungs, and I am unable to breathe. My vision turns blurry.

“No!” He is beside me in an instant, swiping at my face with a hiss of annoyance. I’m crying again, those infernal tears he called beautiful.

“You wail and I want you to stop,” he snaps, bringing his mouth low to brush my jaw. “The mere sight of your tears irritates. I don’t want to provoke them. I hate it. I speak to you as I would anyone else. You have me, wrapped around your little fingertips, at your beck and call. You repulse me in your pain,” he adds, raising a finger toward my chin. It shakes. With rage, he shakes. “I should enjoy your meaningless sobbing. I shouldwantto hurt you.”

The fact that he can’t frustrates him.

It thrills me.

Pain has been the one gift I have so freely received since the day I was born. My own mother didn’t hesitate to give me it in spades. Yet, a monster who kills—heartlessly, he kills—can’t bring himself to deliver that same gift to me alone.

I like this feeling. What is it? Power?

I feel powerful near him.

I feel…

“I feel safe with you,” I tell him, meeting those soulless eyes directly.

Safe enough to return with him to the other realm if it means setting his mind at ease.

Safe enough to withstand any enemy.

Safe enough to indulge in greedy desires I shouldn't.

I could offer him up any and everything to stay. My heart. My soul.

All the blood I have in me to take.

CHAPTER 5

Caspian

In comparison to Cassius, she is a more demanding master. He would issue his commands. Expect that they be followed. What I wanted or needed never factored into the equation. His will superseded all.

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