But I knew those tendencies came from a place of love and fear of something happening to someone he cared about.
He didn’t do it simply to be an asshole.
“Do you think you’ll ever be able to get past the way that I treated you before you left?” he asked in a grim tone.
“I already have,” I replied honestly. “It wasn’t all your fault, and your distraction and total focus on KTD and my insecurities were a recipe for disaster. I think you’re having more problems with forgetting it than I am. You have to let it go if you really want to try starting over. We can’t move forward until we both let go of our past. I think I’m ready to move on. Are you?”
“When you put it that way, I guess I’m going to have to let it go,” Tanner answered. “But it’s not easy to forgive yourself for pushing away the best thing that ever happened to you.”
“Maybe it wasn’t all bad,” I said thoughtfully. “It was painful, but I came out of that experience a lot more emotionally healthy. That breakup forced me to deal with issues that had beenholding me back and tormenting me for a very long time. I’m not sure how long I could have lived that way if it hadn’t happened.”
“I don’t know anyone else who can always find a positive in a really shitty situation,” Tanner grumbled.
“Is that really a bad thing?” I asked him lightly.
He shook his head. “No. But it’s not something I can do. I guess I’m an asshole who likes to wallow in my misery.”
I snorted. “I can wallow for a long time before I see a silver lining in a bad situation. It’s not always readily apparent.”
“I tend to like to leave the shit behind instead of evaluating it,” he joked.
“Sometimes I wish I could do that instead of evaluating things half to death until I find something good about it,” I said earnestly.
“Don’t,” Tanner insisted. “Your way is probably better. Your ability to find something positive even in the most challenging of situations is something I always loved about you. It kept me from becoming a cynical asshole.”
Tanner wasn’t cynical.
Granted, he was intense and serious sometimes, and driven, but Tanner had an amazing heart if someone was brave enough to find it.
He rose from his seat on the rock. “Should we head back down?” he asked as held out his hand.
I nodded and let him pull me to my feet.
It was getting late, and we still had to fly back to Crystal Fork.
Tanner had to work tomorrow, and I had appointments scheduled for most of the day.
“Thank you for this weekend,” I said as I walked back over to my bike. “It’s been good for me.”
I felt more relaxed and at peace with Tanner than I had for a very long time.
I also liked this different Tanner so much more than I’d thought was even possible.
“It’s been good for me, too, Hannah,” Tanner answered as he retrieved his bike.
“Are we really going to try to start over?” I blurted out as I mounted my bike right next to him.
He shot me a mischievous grin that made my heart stutter as he answered, “If you haven’t noticed yet, I’m already trying. I think you’ll have to make your own decision about that when you’re ready.”
He nodded for me to take the lead, just like he always did.
Tanner always preferred for me to go ahead of him so he could watch my back.
There were so many things I wanted to say to him, but now probably wasn’t the time.
We’d just had an amazing day together, and I wanted to bask in that happiness for a while.
I took the lead and started back down the path.