Page 50 of Billionaire Unforgettable: Tanner

The old one had nearly killed me.

“What are you thinking about?” he asked huskily.

I could feel his eyes on me, even though I wasn’t looking at him.

I’d taken a quick shower after we’d gotten back from the wilderness area, and changed into my pajamas. I was dressed in my sleep shorts and a comfortable, cotton shirt, which weren’t exactly sexy.

However, I now wished I was covered from head to toe at the moment.

I felt half naked and vulnerable, but it probably had nothing to do with what I was wearing.

“I don’t really think we need to talk about the past anymore,” I said softly.

“We do if that’s what you were thinking about,” Tanner insisted. “I don’t think we can start over until you’ve forgiven me for the past.”

“We can’t ever start over,” I told him. “We have way too much history that was incredibly painful. We hurt each other, Tanner. It’s hard to get over that.”

“I hurtyou,” he corrected. “Any pain I felt was brought on by my own actions.”

It touched me that Tanner was so willing to take accountability for everything that had happened between us, but it was also troubling because he wasn’t completely at fault.

I shook my head. “I don’t think that’s completely true.”

If it was time for us to get real with each other, then I was going to have to be completely honest aboutmyissues that had played a part in our breakup. I’d told him some of it when I’d had that meltdown after our first visit to The Mug And Jug, but it was probably time for me to share everything.

He deserved that. He’d already done everything possible to prove himself to me.

I continued, “I think I always had insecurities about us, and that wasn’t your fault. You were so driven and determined to be successful. You were educated. You were incredibly handsome. There was part of me that always wondered if you’d leave me for a more educated and sophisticated woman someday. I think those insecurities got even bigger the more successful you became.”

“Why didn’t you say anything about that?” Tanner asked. “You never even hinted that you were insecure.”

“I don’t think I ever wanted to acknowledge those feelings myself,” I told him honestly. “When I first got to Seattle, I went through a pretty bad depression. Our breakup felt like it verified all those feelings I had about myself. That I wasn’t good enough. That I wasn’t woman enough to hold your attention. I had problems even getting out of bed in the morning. I finally had to seek help, Tanner. I was a mess, and I didn’t want to keep living that way. I learned a lot about myself over a few years of counseling. Yes, you were a jerk, and my attempts at communication failed. But my insecurities ate me alive inside, too. There was something wrong with me. It wasn’t just youractions. If I’d had the self-confidence I’d pretended to have, I would have smacked you in the head to get your attention.”

“You shouldn’t have had to do that,” Tanner grumbled. “I should have noticed.”

“Not necessarily,” I said earnestly. “I was pretty good at hiding those insecurities. I didn’t face them myself until I sought help for my depression. That period in my life was pretty scary, but that crisis probably needed to happen to get myself to where I am now. I was weaned off my antidepressant medication once I pulled my mental health together, and I’m careful about my mental health now. I have to be. I don’t ever want to go to dark places like that again. You weren’t the cause of that mental collapse, Tanner. Our breakup was just the catalyst that made it happen.”

By the time I’d stopped talking, I was surprised to feel a tear roll down my cheek.

Maybe I had worked through my issues, but there was obviously some pain and regret about our failed relationship that still lingered inside of me.

I did regret that I hadn’t been strong enough to fight harder for our relationship.

Tanner and I had shared some very good years together. The relationship had been worth fighting harder for when Tanner went through that phase.

But I’d been too busy fighting my own demons at the time.

I gasped as I felt myself being bodily lifted gently until I landed in Tanner’s lap.

He wrapped his arms around me protectively as he rasped, “Christ! I’m so fucking sorry, Hannah. Where in the hell was I when this was happening to you?”

I curled into his warm, muscular form like my body was made to be plastered against him. He felt good. So. Damn. Good. “You’re missing the point, Tanner,” I said quietly. “I’mtrying to tell you that thiswasn’tall your fault. Maybe if I’d been confident enough to tell you that you were hurting me, you would have listened. I didn’t. I just kept trying to be the woman you thought I was. That happy-go-lucky, supportive woman you’d always known.”

“Is that why you broke down and told me that I’d hurt you the first night?” he questioned gently.

“Yes,” I confessed. “I guess I couldn’t hold it in anymore. I was mad at you, but probably more angry with myself that I’d never been able to voice those emotions when we were together.”

“Do you think you were depressed earlier in our relationship?” he asked, his voice concerned.

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