Page 27 of Surviving the Darkness

“Yeah, come on, lightning bug, let’s go get you fed; if I remember, you used to be a terror when you weren’t fed, and Idon’t want to wake up that beast. I’m just starting to get on your good side,” he jokes.

I lightly smack his arms we step out of my room. It’s nice to see him joking with me. I’ve missed our friendship, and I’m thankful he decided to come back into my life. We picked up right where we left off; it feels like no time was lost. I want to ask about his life in London, but I'm not sure I’m ready to hear about the life he left me for.

“So, tell me about London. Is there anyone special in your life?” I blurt out. So much for not asking questions I’m not sure I want the answers to.

Oh my god. I can’t believe I asked that out loud. Real smooth. Covering my face with my hand to hide my embarrassment, I hear Ethan laughing at me.

“Right for the throat, huh? There’s no one special back in London because I never got over you. Sure, I had flings here and there but never with anyone special. It’s always been you, little lightning bug,” he confesses, leaving my jaw on the floor.

He never forgot about me? Then why didn’t he respond to any of my calls or letters when we were younger? I always assumed he was trying to forget his life here, so he could move on and make new friends in London. I imagine being a foreigner is hard work, and clinging on to people in a different country, on the opposite side of the world, would make life harder.

“You never forgot about me? What does that mean? Like you want to be more than friends? I don’t know if I can handle that right now, Ethan,” I admit quietly.

“Yes, more than friends. I loved you long before I left the States, and I never forgot about you. So, there is something I promised never to tell you because I didn’t want to hurt you even more, but I kept in touch with Knox and the guys. They kept me in the loop about you because I couldn’t bear to hear your voice on the phone. I needed distance or else I would have died of abroken heart years ago. I was okay loving you from a distance, but I couldn’t stand the idea of hearing your voice every day and not being able to care for you the way I wanted, and I’m so sorry for that,” Ethan says, pouring his heart out.

“I understand. Thank you for telling me. I wish I’d known how you felt before you left, but I understand why you didn’t tell me. I don’t blame you. We were dumb kids. But I can’t give you what you’re looking for right now. I just need a friend. Maybe someday in the future we can be more, but I can’t offer you anything right now; I have nothing left to give,” I tell him.

“I understand. I’ll never push you to do something you aren’t ready for. I’ve been patient for years, and I can wait until you’re ready, but just know that when you are ready, I will be the first in line. I already told the guys I’m not going anywhere,” he states, his mind already made up.

Why would he want me while I’m broken? There’s always been a part of me missing, and maybe he’s that part, but I can’t pursue anything for a while. I feel bad he waited all this time for someone too broken to give him what he needs. I frown at that thought, and he must notice because his fingers gently touch my chin, lifting my face so my eyes are level with his.

“Stop thinking so hard. I wanted to wait to have this conversation because I didn’t want to overwhelm you. I know you aren’t ready for a relationship, and that’s fine. I will still be here every step of the way, and if you’re never ready then that’s okay too. I know you’re healing, and I want to be here to support you,” he tells me while gently cupping my face in his hands.

I can see the sincerity in his eyes, and I wrap my arms around him, hugging this man so tight that I never want to let him go. My face is squished against his hard chest, and I can smell his cologne but can’t pinpoint the scents; it’s musky but sweet, maybe orange? I’m not sure, but I wish I could bottle it up and sniff it for the rest of my life. I release him, and we finish makingour sandwiches in a comfortable silence. For the first time in forever, I feel my desire to live returning, and it’s all because of the man standing next to me.

Chapter 26

Phoenix

Meadow was discharged from the hospital a few weeks ago, and we haven’t talked to her once. I miss my princess and want her back safe in my arms. Ethan isn’t much help. That little shit won’t tell us anything about her recovery other than she’s doing well and attending every appointment she needs to. I just wish my girl would talk to us, talk to me. It’s killing me a little bit more each day to be so close, yet so far away from Meadow.

Sitting in bed, I’m thinking of ways to convince Meadow to talk to us. I need her to know that I’m here for whatever she needs. A knock on my door interrupts my thoughts, and when I look up,I see Aidan. A smile forms on my face at the sight of him. He’s wearing a gray tank top that shows off his delicious muscles and the inky black of his tattoos decorating his broad shoulders.

I’ve been working on showing my emotions to the guys, and right now, I just want to lick Aidan’s skin. It’s odd to be so attracted to my best friend, but I’m learning that it’s okay to feel the way I do. Standing, I meet him halfway and greet him with a hug. Aidan isn’t the most affectionate, but he’s working on it, and I love helping him learn about his softer side since I reap the rewards.

“Hey, handsome, what brings you to my room?” I ask as I release him.

“Just wanted to check on you. You’ve been unusually quiet, Nix, and I worry about you,” Aidan says.

“I’m alright, just thinking is all. I miss Meadow so much and wish she would talk to us. I know she’s been through hell, and I’m not expecting a relationship, but I need her to know that I’m here for her, that we all are.” I frown.

“I get that, baby. Can I take your mind off things for a while?” Aidan asks.

Chuckling, I ask what he means.

“Well, I thought maybe you and I could have some fun. I’ve heard about you and Knox, and to be honest, I’m quite jealous I wasn’t invited,” he teases while laughing.

My face turns beet-red, and I nod so quickly, I’m surprised I didn’t give myself whiplash. I will gladly let him distract me if it means I can explore his body. We haven’t been intimate since the night I asked to explore my sexuality with the two of them.

He takes my hand and leads me over to the bed. My heart beats a little faster at the thought of being with Aidan. I know him and Knox both switch, but I want to be the bottom today; Aidan dominating me sounds like a fucking dream come true.

“Please distract me. I don’t want to be in charge,” I say as Aidan leans over and kisses me.

“Baby, you couldn’t be in charge if you wanted to. The only time I ever let someone else take charge of my body is when Knox needs it. Other than that, I’m his Dom, too.” Aidan chuckles.

“I could be dominant!” I argue with a pout.

“I hate to tell you this, but you don’t have a dominant bone in your body unless it’s for Meadow. You’re like a golden retriever, and I love that about you. Lord knows we don’t need three dominant assholes under the same roof. You help mellow us out; I love it,” Aidan says.

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