Page 19 of Surviving the Darkness

I just nod my head and wait for her to sit across from me, but instead she takes the sofa. God, I feel like such a fucking idiot. I can’t even sit on furniture without freaking out. This woman is going to think I’m a fucking nut job. Damon was right; I am fucking useless. That’s why no one wants me. I’m pathetic.

“Hey, Meadow, where did you go just there? I can see from your face that something happened. Would you be okay telling me what just went through your mind?” Storm asks.

Wow, getting right to it I see. Why isn’t there a ‘get to know each other’ stage? No, better to just throw me off the fucking cliff and into the deep end. No ‘hey, how are you? What do you do for a living?’ Just a ‘hey you’re nuts, and what’s going on in your head?’

“Umm, I just remembered something,” I tell her quietly.

I may like the doc, but I’m not up for discussing my deep dark secrets right now. The last thing I need is for her to think I’m insane. She would lock me up in a straitjacket if she knew the thoughts in my fucking head. I decide to give her an abridged version of events. Just so I won’t get locked in here longer than necessary. I don’t want to be a bother to anyone, so once I get the go ahead, I’m out of here. Maybe I’ll go back to Florida where no one will miss me. I had a good life there before I came back to California.

Thoughts of leaving and starting a different life, or just no life, once I leave, makes me smile. It’s not like there’s anyone who cares for me anymore. The guys can pretend all they want, but because of them I was raped and tortured. I can’t believe I thought they loved me. I was so fucking stupid but no longer. I won’t make that mistake again. I can’t trust anyone but myself.

As I sit with the doctor, she finally begins to ask questions about me, my life, and all the fun things I do. She’s staying in the safe zone for now, which I appreciate. I’m not sure how I would handle questions about my scars or why I tried to commit suicide. Maybe another day, but not today, Satan. Not today.

About an hour later we end our conversation, and she walks me back to my room where a sandwich is waiting for me. My stomach rumbles at the sight, and I go straight for it like a starving animal. I wish I could tell you I took my time with it, butI’d be lying. I ate that thing in a minute or less. I’m completely full after, so I decide to lie down in bed. There isn’t anything else to do as of yet, and I’m tired of staring at the walls. Plus, after my talk with the doc and eating lunch, I’m mentally exhausted. I just hope the nightmares stay away when I close my eyes.

Chapter 19

Ethan

Istep off the plane and onto the hangar tarmac where I notice a man leaning against an expensive blue almost black sports car. Tattoos cover his arms, and he’s wearing a black shirt with black pants. A smirk pulls at his lips as I walk over to him. “Wow, what a nice car! If only the driver wasn’t such a dick.”

“Fuck off. This driver is your chauffeur, and he’ll leave your ass here if you insult him again,” Knox jokes as we shake hands and exchange a one-armed hug that men do.

Man, it’s good to see him. Time has done well for Knox. We talk regularly on the phone, but seeing him face-to-face isamazing. I really should’ve put in more of an effort to come back to the States, but with my life and business taking off in London, I never felt I had the chance. If only I’d come back sooner, then maybe I’d be with Meadow right now and none of this shit would have happened. I shake my head. Enough of the ‘what if’s’. I’m here now, so I’m going to make the best of it. I carry my suitcase to the boot, then slide in, only realizing after I’m seated that I got in on the driver’s side. Fucking Americans. I sigh and walk around to the correct side of the car and get into the passenger seat. Knox just laughs at me, and I punch his arm.

It’s going to take some time for me to get used to living in the States again. Because now that I’m here, I don’t see myself only visiting for a short while. But I know it’ll be worth it in the end. As Knox heads toward my new house, he catches me up on everything I missed.

Meadow was admitted to the psych ward at the hospital on a mandatory seven-day suicide hold, and that makes me see red. She isn’t a damn mental patient! She’s been through some shit and thought the best way out was to end it all. How dare they compare her to mentally ill patients. I know she needs help, but that’s what I’m here for. Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with being mentally ill, it’s just that Meadow doesn’t fall into that category.

He updates me on her condition and everything that happened leading up to her admittance in the hospital. How could they let her get taken…? I don’t understand. But now that I’m here, I won’t let her out of my sight long enough for it to happen again. I will protect that girl with my life, even if it’s Knox, Aidan, and Phoenix she needs protection from. She needs time away from them to heal. Everything is raw right now, and the guys overwhelming her won’t help. She’s hurting. I’m not sure how much yet, but I will find out.

She needs a hand to hold to survive the darkness. And she’ll do it with me by her side. I don’t care what it takes, but Meadow will be whole again, even if I have to share parts of myself to fill in the holes. And not in a sexual manner. I think about ways to help as Knox drives to the house I’ll be living in for the foreseeable future. It’s a house they acquired through their business. I called him a loan shark, and he chuckled. I’m not wrong but, apparently, he doesn’t like that term. Instead, they’re ‘investors’. Cue eye roll.

He asks about my store and how the business is going. I tell him that since I’m going to be here for a while, I may think about opening a store in California. A lot of my clients are from the United States, so it’s a logical move. I’ll just have to figure out the logistics since I’ll be spending most of my time with Meadow. I worry it may shock her to see me again after all these years, but I refuse to let her suffer alone. As we drive, Knox updates me on the shadier side of their business and about Meadow’s best friend, Skylar. Both girls have been through so much, and I’m very interested in meeting this Jace character. He sounds fun to be around.

An hour later, we pull into a driveway. Fuck, I forgot how bad California traffic is. My ass is numb from the long plane ride, along with the hour-long car ride. If I don’t have to get in another vehicle for a few days, I will be happy. We exit the car, and my legs feel like jelly. Fuck. A charley horse hits my thigh, and I damn near fall to the ground. Bloody hell, that fucking hurts. I grit my teeth as I try to walk to the door. Knox looks at me and laughs. The fucking asshole isn’t going to be any help. No, he’ll just stand there and watch like a prick.

Why is he one of my best friends again? The man is an asshole. I don’t think he has an off switch. Even though we’ve lived thousands of miles apart, our bond has never wavered. It sucks having long-distance best friends, but we’ve made it work. I’mglad to be back, though. It’ll be nice to be closer to them again and on the same damn time zone.

Knox unlocks the front door, and we step inside as I look around the place. It feels warm and welcoming. I know Knox didn’t choose this place for my benefit; I can see Meadow living here. The walls are grey, but the decor is light and earthy. Plants are spaced throughout the house, which means I’ll have to fucking keep them alive. I love the aesthetic, and I think this place will allow Meadow somewhere to heal. Knox sits on the couch, but my body won’t allow me to relax. I look around, trying to find my bearings and where my room will be. I drop my bags in the bedroom I chose to claim.

The next half hour is spent unpacking my belongings and hanging my suits in the closet. After I finish, I head out to the living room. Knox is sitting on the couch with Phoenix and Aidan now sitting next to him, drinking beer and watching TV. I smile at the three of them and walk over to say my ‘hellos’. I grab a beer and plop down on the empty chair adjacent to the couch. This is what I was missing; I don’t know why I didn’t move back sooner. I only just got here, but I think my stay may become permanent. I plan to take a few days for myself before going to the hospital to see Meadow. She’ll be there for seven days. Unfortunately, I can’t change that. What I can do is come up with ways to convince her to move in with me once she’s released, so I can take care of her.

Chapter 20

Meadow

The doctor and I have met once a day since I’d been admitted. I can honestly say talking to her has been very eye opening. She prescribed me some medicine to help me sleep at night, and the nightmares haven’t plagued me since. I hate that I ended up here, but I am truly thankful for the way things turned out. I haven’t had a visitor since the guys showed up four days ago, and I couldn’t be happier. I can’t open that box of worms with Storm yet. She keeps asking me about them, but I can’t.

At least, I’m finally headed in the right direction. I still have a long way to go but, at least, I don’t want to leave this earthanymore. Now, I just want to rid the world of people like D. I’ll have to ask Jace to teach me how. The guys wanted someone like them, and now I’ll be their worst nightmare. I don’t know when the switch happened, but I’m glad to focus my energy on revenge, even if the guy is dead.

Now, I need to decide where to go when I’m released from here. I have no home to go back to, and I’ve got no idea if Sky is still here since I haven’t talked to her in months. Living on the streets seemed like a good idea when I was with the guys, but now that I have something to push toward, a goal in mind, I need a place of my own.

I hate the idea of asking Jace for help, but he’s the only one I know who kills without remorse; he is a serial killer after all. I’ll just have to convince him not to tell the guys. I have plans for them, not murder but revenge. Being stuck in this room for days on end with nothing to do has left a lot of time to think about what happened to me. Instead of being scared and feeling trapped in the memories, I found a way to turn it into anger, and I can’t wait to let that anger out. Especially on someone who deserves it.

The nurse comes in with medication; apparently, it's for depression. I greet and walk toward her in my yellow hospital socks. I hate and love these socks at the same time. They’re weird but oddly comfortable. I open my hand for her to drop the bright yellow pills, then bring them to my mouth and swallow them down with some water. So far, the medication has worked. I’m not sure the name of it but, if it makes me feel murderous instead of suicidal, I’ll take that as a win.

“Meadow, there’s someone here to see you. He isn’t on the banned list, so I thought I’d check if you want to talk to him. He sure is handsome,” the nurse says, a blush tinting her cheeks pink.

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