Page 3 of Surviving the Darkness

Aidan looking at me like I’m broken really fucking pisses me off. I can’t trust him, any of them. I don’t know why they came for me, but they should have left me to rot in that basement. I had accepted my fate, and they had to go and fuck it all up. When he moves toward me, I flinch a little. I can’t stand the thought of him touching me.

You’re used goods Meadow. They won’t want you now.

The voices in my fucking head won’t stop; I just want them to stop. My head is pounding, and I feel like I swallowed shards of glass when I speak. Phoenix raising his voice at me wasn’t something I prepared for, and I tried to scoot as far away as I could, but there was nowhere to run. I know this place; it was my home once, but not anymore. I don’t belong here.

He must not like my words because he gives me his back before he turns and looks at me one last time, then leaves the room. Good, stay away. I don’t want him near me. Now, I just need to get rid of Phoenix, so I can find a way out. I don’t know where I will go, but anywhere has to be better than inside these walls.

“Go away,” I mutter to Phoenix. I’m glad he hasn’t moved any closer, but I fucking hate that he is still close. My skin is on fire, and I feel disgusting. Stop fucking staring at me! Just leave me alone already. You forgot about me formonthsand now you want to make it better? Too fucking bad. I’m already gone. Meadow doesn’t exist anymore; D made sure of that. Thinking of him, I place a hand over the fresh marks where he carved his initials into my chest. He marked me as his, so no one would want me. He was right. Who would want someone so ugly? Scars run up and down my body, and a man's letters are etched into my skin.

I can’t stand the way Phoenix is staring at me. He looks like a sad puppy, and it's sickening. I don’t know why he is looking atme like he loves me, but he can’t love me. “I said, GO AWAY!” I snap a little louder. Maybe he didn’t hear me.

“I’m not leaving you, Meadow. I need to be near you. Don’t you understand that?” Phoenix rasps.

I don’t understand that. Why does he need to be near me? I am nothing, I am no one. I am broken.

My mind is fucking with me. It has to be. No one wants me. Not even D wanted me. He just wanted to make sure no one else could ever want me. He liked to use me for his own pleasure. At least with him, I got used to it and never expected any more. I was there for his pleasure, after all. Every night and day, I was there for him. At first, I hated it, but I got used to him. Sometimes when he cut me it hurt, but most of the time, I blocked out the pain and went to a place where I didn’t feel anything anymore.

Phoenix gives me big, sad puppy eyes, and I can’t stand it. The way he looks at me makes my skin crawl. He needs to fucking leave and preferably never come back. I glare at Phoenix, willing him away, and I think he finally understands that I don’t want him here. Not anymore. I don’t feel the same love I had for them anymore, and it’s best they understand that now, so they’ll leave me on my own.

As Phoenix gets up and walks toward the door, I breathe a sigh of relief, knowing I’ll be alone once again. Just when I think I got rid of him, Phoenix turns toward me. I can see tears in his eyes, but I’m numb and don’t feel any emotion at the sight. I just turn to look away, praying he finally gets that I don’t care anymore. I hear a sigh and then my door shuts with a click.

I glance at the door to make sure he is really gone and, finally, silence engulfs me once more. I look forward to the silence now. I’ve grown used to it, and I find comfort in knowing I’m by myself like I always should’ve been. When I was held in the basement if I heard a noise, I knew it wouldn’t end well for me,so when I was left in silence, I fully embraced it, knowing I was safe for that moment.

Now that everyone has left me alone, I move to stand up. The bed is too uncomfortable for my liking, and I need to move. My bladder screams in protest at needing a release, so I walk toward the bathroom and turn on the light. The brightness hurts my eyes as the room lights up. I fucking hate bright lights. Adjusting as best I can to the light, I quickly do my business and head back to the bedroom, turning off that god-awful light, but before I do, I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror.

Staring back at me is someone I don’t recognize. My hair is a dull brown color, with knots and tangles in it, and my skin is covered in shades of pink that turn into white lines while my face is gaunt, showing off my cheekbones. I knew I had lost weight, but I didn’t think it was that much. How fucking pathetic. No wonder D never wanted me, and no wonder the guys fucking let me rot in that hellhole for months. If I had a choice, I wouldn’t want me either.

Staring at my reflection only makes me angrier. I’m pathetic; no one wants me. I’m too fucking ugly, too used, and too damaged for anyone to want me, just like D said. I see the toothbrush holder by the sink and smash it against the mirror as hard as I can, shattering the sight in front of me. The glass flies everywhere and, now, all that is left is the broken pieces. Just like the person staring back at me.

When I head back into the bedroom, I look around and notice everything is the same. The bedspread is the one I bought with Skylar when we first moved back to California. I remember being so excited to spend money on myself after my first paycheck from the doctor's office, and we had a blast shopping that day. I hope Sky is okay. I know she’s probably forgotten about me by now, and I’m selfish enough that I never thoughtof her once during my time down in the basement. I hope she’s living the good life without me.

Sighing, I grab the comforter and place it on the floor, then lie down once I get it settled. I feel a little better now that I’m not in that god-awful bed. Lying on the hard surface brings me a little peace. I wonder what D would say if he saw me in the bed. He probably would have yelled at me and reminded me that I didn’t deserve that kind of luxury. I am nothing but scum, after all, and I don’t deserve anything nice. Fucking D, always in my head telling me I’m worthless, and how he should have killed me instead of keeping me as his pet.

I fucking wish he would have gone through with his threats of murder but, instead, I’m lying on the bedroom floor, avoiding the three men under the same roof who rescued me out of pity. I’m scared no one will want me. I look like a fucking freak, but that was what D wanted. I can still feel his hands on my body even though he isn’t here. I can hear him grunt in my ear as he finished inside me, telling me that my used-pussy was awful, and the only thing I was good at was being his little whore to do with as he pleased.

Shuttering at the memories, I try to calm my breathing, so I can sleep. I’ll come up with a plan to leave when I wake up. But, for right now, I just need to close my eyes and hope I never wake up.

Chapter 4

Knox

Aidan comes down to my office shortly after Meadow wakes, and he looks fucking wrecked. I don’t think Meadow was kind to him, but I can’t seem to ask because I’m the pussy who couldn’t see her in her current state. I freaked out when the doctor told me about her injuries, and I knew I would freak her out if I went all alpha-male on her ass.

I need to calm down and man up, but every time I think about what happened to her, my blood boils. I’m not mad at her, rather, at the situation that could have been prevented. If we had tried harder to find her months ago, maybe this wouldnever have happened. But fucking Michael, my damn father, used every opportunity he could to get in the way of our search and demand I marry that bitch of a woman, Maeve. The bane of my existence. And the daughter of the Irish Mafia boss.

Four months ago, Meadow had been taken from us. Four long months of searching high and low and using every available resource to find her. Maeve and I were supposed to get married two days after she was taken, but I told Michael to fuck off and that the wedding wasn’t happening until I rescued the love of my life. He didn’t like that answer; neither did the bitch’s father, Quinn.

Me refusing to walk down the fucking aisle led to a war breaking out between the Wolverines and the Irish Mafia. Fucking pricks. The Ravens haven’t been able to kill my father with everything going down, so the bastard is still breathing, much to my dismay. The guys and I have been battling the Irish for months now, and we caught a break shortly before we received the information leading us to Meadow.

I don’t believe it’s a coincidence that the fighting stopped right before someone led us directly to her. Iknowsomeone orchestrated Meadow’s kidnapping; the timing was just too perfect, but I need to flush out the fucking rat who sold us out. The issue, though, is I have no one to interrogate, as the only survivor when Meadow was taken was Jace, but that’s just because he is a stubborn fucker who refused to die.

Thinking of all the men I’d lost over the past few months pains me, but I wouldn’t change a thing because it led us to Meadow. She is back home, and we will protect her, for real this time. No fucking kindergarten bullshit. We’re a fucking ruthless gang, and we need to start acting like it. I posted guards outside our house twenty-four seven, and they are to notify me of any strange activity, no matter how small. Our fucking house is Fort Knox now. Literally.

We’ve locked our house down tighter than a prison. No one is getting in or out of this place without me being alerted. Meadow is already fucked up because of what that piece of shit put her through, so I’m making sure it never happens again. My little bird is safe in her cage, until she is ready to fly again, and I can’t wait to see her soar.

Scrubbing a hand over my face, I look at Aidan to learn how Meadow is doing. I imagine it's not great, but there is still the off chance that she’s the girl we love. “How is she?” I ask.

“Not good. I think we need to hire a therapist immediately or send her somewhere she can begin to heal. She thinks we don’t want her man. That we saved her because we pity her,” Aidan says sadly.

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