Page 19 of Rancher's Return

That was all right. Because in some ways it was easier. She didn’t have to carry their grief along with her own. Maybe that wasn’t fair, but it was the truth.

“I can’t commit myself to working too much before Lily leaves...”

“But we can get construction started. We can make a business plan, get permits—all that stuff takes time. It would be good if we could start as soon as possible.”

“You’re just now back in town. You have your family, other commitments. Why do you want to throw all in with me?”

“I already told you.”

“You feel that guilty.”

He let out a long, slow breath. “More complicated than that. I think this was what was meant to be. I... I don’t ignore gut feelings. Okay? I really try to sit with them. I try to listen to myself. I try to see what God or the universe or whatever the fuck is out there is telling me. And it was telling me something when you came to my house yesterday.”

“It wasn’t just telling you that our teenagers have wildly racing hormones?”

“All right. It was definitely telling us that. But I think there’s a point to be made here—this was meant to be in some way.”

“You can still believe in fate?”

She had trouble with that one. Because she had a hard time believing her brother was meant to be gone. She had a hard time with people saying things like: it was his time. Because how could it be an eighteen-year-old boy’s time? How? There was nothing just about that. There was nothing fair about it. She had a very hard time believing anything that even hinted it was meant to be.

And she would’ve thought he could understand that.

“Maybe not fate. What I do think is that sometimes we get pulled up. By the scruff of our neck. By the divine, I guess, and it’s up to us whether we listen or not. I try to listen now.”

She couldn’t argue with that. Because she related to that experience. When she had found out she was pregnant, it had been like a divine hand reaching down to redirect her. It had been like a total shift in the way she saw things. But she could have chosen a different way. She hadn’t had to keep Lily. She hadn’t had to change. But she had heeded the feeling. Maybe that was what she felt now. A tug. Telling her she had to take his offer. This opportunity. Because it mattered. Because it was going to mean something.

Or at the very least it was going to make her life easier, and surely that wasn’t a bad thing.

“Well, it’s good for me. Though I suppose we need to come up with all kinds of official terms and conditions.”

“Of course. I’ll send them over to my lawyer. I just did an adoption, so I’m more familiar with the legal system than I’d like to be at this point.”

“They aren’t brothers, are they? I mean biologically.” She felt clumsy asking the question, concerned she’d done it in a way that didn’t respect the bond they all shared. But she was more curious about his life, about how everything had come together to create that family, than she wanted to admit.

“No. They were all three at the ranch for a while, and none of them were going to a home. Reggie...” His expression suddenly went remote. She saw his throat work. “His mom got killed by her boyfriend. Along with his younger sister. It happened while he was at the camp. If he had been home, he would’ve been gone too. That poor kid.”

Sympathy tightened her stomach. “Oh. Wow. That poor boy.”

“When you meet him, though, don’t be soft on him just because he’s been through shit. He doesn’t like that. He doesn’t want pity.”

She understood. It was hard when everyone knew something bad had happened to you. They were so careful. Sometimes so careful they decided not to speak to you at all. Reggie had a fresh start here. In some ways, that must feel good.

Buck knew too. And Buck had to find ways to help his son with his grief.

“That must be... That must be so hard,” she said.

“It is. The kids come with a lot of baggage, but so do I.”

She had to admit that it really did seem like he was trying to do the best he could with what he had. That he was trying to take a tragedy he had experienced and turn it into something good.

“Why don’t you walk me up to your building?”

“It’s notmybuilding yet.”

“We can put an offer in tomorrow if you want.”

“Really?”

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