Page 92 of Rancher's Return

“I’m her son.”

The woman behind the desk softened, and she looked at him with a strange sort of recognition.

“Colton?”

“How do you... How do you know?”

“Oh, Olivia talks about you. All the time.”

He felt like he had been stabbed straight through the heart.

“She does?” he asked, his throat going tight.

“Yes. She’s very proud of you.”

“How does she...know anything about me?”

The woman’s face softened. “Well, she doesn’t share any details about you, but she’s always said that you were the best son.”

He nodded slowly. And he followed the woman into a recreation room. He saw her right away. She looked prematurely aged, sitting in a folding chair with oxygen on. She looked like an old woman, and she wasn’t. She was just a woman whose body had lived several lifetimes, and who probably didn’t have the strength to keep going much longer.

But she was beautiful. Just like she always had been. He walked across the room slowly.

And she looked up. “Colton?”

“Mom,” he said, the word coming out strangled.

“How did you find me?”

“I looked up your name online. I... I miss you.”

She smiled. “I miss you.”

“Mom...” He sat down next to her in an empty folding chair. “I just want you to know something. I love you.”

Tears filled her eyes. “Why? You shouldn’t love me. I didn’t even raise you.”

“It doesn’t matter. You’re my mom. You did your best. I know that you did.”

Tears spilled down her cheeks. “No one ever believed me when I said that. That I did the best I could. They just said it wasn’t good enough.”

It would be easy to get angry. To say it hadn’t been. After all, she had lost her parental rights. He had been on his own. In the system. He had gotten into trouble. He had felt lost and scared. But so had she. And what good would it do? To be angry. Why choose anger when you can choose hope? Hope was the thing that built new bridges, that built new roads into different lives. And he hadn’t been able to see that before. He had let his heartbreak with Lily, let his childhood become an excuse, a shield, so he could protect himself. So he didn’t have to face the more difficult feelings. So he didn’t have to risk. Looking at his mom, he could see that her years of drug use had ravaged her body. He didn’t know what else was wrong with her. Loving her would hurt. Letting her back into his life would hurt. But maybe that was okay. Maybe sometimes it was all right to choose the harder thing because it meant more.

“It was enough,” he said. “I’m okay.”

“Do you have a family?”

“Yeah. I got adopted. I have a dad and stepmom. I have brothers.”

She nodded. “I’m happy for you.”

“I was taken care of. The whole time.”

“You aren’t on drugs,” she said.

“No.” He shook his head. “I went to college.”

She grabbed his hand and pressed her face against it, tears spilling down her face now. “I couldn’t have given you that.”

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