Page 39 of Rancher's Return

“Trying to recite the alphabet backward.”

Her eyes dropped to the front of his jeans. “Oh,” she said.

He winced. “Yeah.”

“I... I’m sorry. I haven’t been with anybody in a long time.”

“It’s been a fair amount of time for me too.”

“Seventeen years?”

He had to laugh. “No. But still. A while.” He let out a slow breath. “And even if it had been yesterday, it wouldn’t matter. Because you’re you. And I have been attracted to you since the day you showed up practically towing Colton by the ear. It’s you. It’s not the celibacy or the fact that it’s forbidden or anything like that. It’s just you.”

She’d had no idea how much she needed to hear something like that until he’d said it.

To not just feel desired, but special.

It had been a long time since she had felt anything like that, too. Maybe she never had.

“This is a really bad idea,” she said. “I mean, not the one kiss. That was wonderful. But anything else...”

He looked at her, and there was fire in his eyes.

“Don’t look at me like that,” she said.

“I believe I just said that to you, and look at where we ended up.”

“Definitely not preparing dinner.” She took a deep breath. “Do you know why I’ve been celibate since before I had Lily?”

“I could take a few wild guesses.”

“It felt easy in some ways, to not have her dad around. I felt like I was blessed with a lack of complication. That meant she was my daughter and I got to raise her on my terms. The idea of bringing random men into the life I so carefully made for her, for me, I couldn’t bear it.” She decided not to mention any of her errant thoughts about the possibility of it being a punishment. Like she had cut herself off for being overindulgent. “And she’s leaving in just a few months.”

“I understand that. But you aren’t with her all the time.”

“Aren’t you listening? I don’t like complicated. Maybe because I had my fill of complicated a long time ago. You have to understand that.”

He nodded slowly. “I guess maybe I should. But I was never trying to make my life simple. I think I don’t know anythingbutcomplicated. I mean, I just adopted three teenage boys, so obviously simple is not my wheelhouse.”

She laughed. “I get that. But...”

“Yeah. There’s a lot of people who could get hurt.”

She nodded. “Yes. There is.”

“The thing is, nobody will get hurt if nobody knows.”

She hadn’t even considered that. “What would that even look like? Do you mean... If we just...”

“It’s entirely possible to keep things only physical.”

“Well, that’s the thing. Our lives are kind of enmeshed. And that makes it difficult to be only physical.”

“Friends with benefits. I hear that works.”

Wow. That was an incredibly tempting offer. But she had to wonder...much like when she was on the cusp of that same feeling she’d had when he had first offered to help her with her business.

Wondering if she was just doing moral gymnastics because really, she wanted to take him up on the offer.

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