Page 29 of Resisted

Don’t do it.

Still, the document in front of me urged me otherwise. She deserved answers, closure, to know the roots that her life had stemmed from, and I’d promised to try, promised to do all that I could, and I’d failed. I’d failed to get her this information, and if I didn’t send out this email, push this inquiry into the universe, could I still say that I’d done all that I could? Had I really tried that hard?

I leaned back in my chair, listening to the chatter of Vince and Boyce as they watched TV together, working as perfect as a subpack. I loved the dynamic we’d grown so accustom to, but I also knew we couldn’t continue on the path we were on. They would find out if given enough time, and I couldn’t have that. I didn’t want that. Finding her home and sending her back, wasn’t that best for everyone? Because being mates to poacher hunters would relegate her to a life of worry, a life of violence, a life of conflict she couldn’t even imagine.

I was doing the right thing.

It wasn’t selfish.

At least that was what I tried to convince myself of, because the other option was unacceptable. Allowing her into my subpack, into our beds, wasn’t an idea I was willing to entertain. Not her. Not Bella. But even as I thought of all the reasons it wouldn’t work out, there was still that tiniest spark inside of me that wanted it all with her.

Belladonna, like a poisonous balm to my very own soul. My weakness and my downfall.

I couldn’t allow it. I refused to allow it. I’d had a mate, a once in a lifetime opportunity, and though I hadn’t gotten a chance to know her, my heart knew the truth—the fates did not gift a mate more than once. It was unheard of, practically impossible.

I leaned forward, pulling up the email I’d received and copying the address off of it before opening a blank document. I couldn’t let myself doubt if this was wrong or right. Too much thinking would only hinder my search. Wasn’t I doing the right thing by fulfilling the promise I’d made nearly a decade ago to a little girl who’d had a speck of frosting on her nose.

I typed out the email, but my gut screamed at me the whole time.This is wrong. She is yours, she’s your pack.But she’d never really wanted to be ours, never picked our pack. I let my fingers type out the words my heart refused to accept, and before I could allow myself a moment to hesitate, I hit the send button.

I instantly regretted it. I wished I could have taken it back and let myself admit she belonged here with us, but once that button was pressed, there was no going back. There was only the dark side of the paranormal internet and the small hope that someone on the receiving end could help me without charging me a price that was too great to stomach. After a deep breath, I slammed my laptop shut, already feeling the nerves dance inside of me as I waited for a reply.

I left my office in search of Boyce and Vince, but as I entered the living room, Bella was coming through the front door. I wanted to backtrack, but she’d seen me. I had done such an amazing fucking job of avoiding her for the week that she’d been here.

“I’ve brought food.” She held up a bag from the diner, and Vince was instantly off the couch.

“You don’t need to feed them.” Vince stopped, his head turning in my direction before he gave me a look I could only assume was the equivalent of ‘fuck off,’ then he took the bag from her. Didn’t she fucking get it? If they got used to her here, used to being fed and fawned over, it would be so much more detrimental when she left.

“I don’t.” She paused. “But since they fed me, I figured it was a fair exchange.”

They what? I glared at them, hoping the full force of my fury burned into them in exchange for their betrayal. I asked them very little in life, but when I did, I expected them to obey. And yet here we were, me facing down their betrayal head-on because they couldn’t do one simple task. Not spoil her, not serve her, not fucking baby her.

“Everyone in his house is a capable adult,” I pointed out.

“I’m capable,” Vince stated as he flipped open a Styrofoam box, taking out a few fries and shoving them into his mouth before speaking around a mouthful of food. “I just prefer not to do shit myself. Especially when it comes to food.”

The sheer audacity of that fucker to flaunt his defiance in my face as he chomped down on the fries she’d brought him was astounding, but I should have known. At every fucking turn, Vince was toeing the line of my authority, seeing how far he could push before I finally used my power to shove him back. It was a matter of time, of course, but now wasn’t that time.

“You’re going choke by eating it like that, you hog!” Bella laughed, and for a moment, the men around me froze. Their hearts had to be mirroring my own, doing those slight little pitter patters that were mixed with desperation and hope.

After Vince blinked twice, he composed himself. “At least I’ll die a fed man.”

She cocked her head to the side. “Is that all it takes to make you happy?”

He raised a brow. “I mean, that and—”

“Vince!” I warned.

“She asked.” He grabbed more fries.

“Just because she asked doesn’t mean you should answer.” I eyed the bags of food, and damnit, wouldn’t you know my stomach picked that exact moment to growl so fucking loudly that it echoed through the room?

She looked at me challengingly. “So, are you going to eat?”

I wanted to deny her out of spite, wanted to tell her no and that I would never eat a single thing she tried to feed me, just on principle. If I became accustomed to being fed and taken care of, I could never give her up. I had to, this I knew. I could not reap the benefits of fate’s mistake, even if I wanted to keep her so badly. Not because I wanted her, per se, but because I wanted the idea of her, the idea of a mate. The idea that this life had more meaning than to kill or be killed.

But maybe I was as weak as them, maybe I didn’t have as much fight in me as I’d thought, because when her eyes drilled into me, I felt my resolve weakening, felt myself almost swaying in her direction. This was the ultimate curse, only I had no clue what I’d done to deserve it. It could be broken, I was sure of it, only I wasn’t positive any of us could hold out and resist the pull before it was. Not like the others were even trying. Not like they knew.

Finally, I resigned myself to the fact that she might be my weakness. Though she would never know that fact. “I’ll eat.”

---