Page 63 of Blade

He saw the damaged me and I felt broken.

“I didn’t know who he called, but he told them Grant had hit me. Then he hung up and walked back over and helped me onto his bike and took me home. I haven’t been on a bike since we were kids.” I looked back at Rachel, fighting thetears. “Wrapping my arms around him, pressed up against his back…”

Closing my eyes, the first tear fell.

“I wasn’t thinking abouthim. I was in the moment with Blade. Feeling things I hadn’t felt in ten years, Rachel.”

My best friend reached across the table and held my hand. She gave me strength to release the guilt I was feeling.

“It’s ok, Beck.”

“I don’t understand it, Rach. We got back to the house, and I didn’t want to move. I felt safe. I haven’t felt safe sincehim. Ten years I have been going through the motions. I’ve tried to… I don’t even know what I have been trying to do. I never wanted to lethimgo, but now.”

“Now what?” Rachel gently prodded.

“I asked Blade to kiss me.” Rachel’s eyes widened at that. “He walked me to the door, asked me if I would be ok. He told me he didn’t want me to have nightmares.”

I wiped at the tears that streamed down my face.

“I asked him to kiss me so I would dream about him instead of having nightmares about Grant. At first, he said no. I understood, I did. He barely tolerates me.” Rachel leaned back with a snort.

“Believe me, he more than tolerates you.” Waving her hand at me, she said, “Continue.”

“I said goodnight. Thanked him for bringing me home and turned to go inside. Blade grabbed my wrist and pulled me to him and kissed me.”

I looked down at the table, feeling my cheeks heat.

“What? Why are you blushing?”

“Um,” biting the corner of my bottom lip, I looked up at my best friend. “Don’t be mad, ok?”

“Why would I be mad? What happened?”

“That was my second kiss.”

I waited for her to comprehend what I confided.

“With Blade? He kissed you before and you didn’t tell me?”

I couldn’t bear the hurt look on her face.

I closed my eyes again.

“No, my first kiss with Blade. My second kiss ever.” I opened one eye to peek at her.

“How is that possible? Do you not kiss guys when you have sex?”

“I, um, well, you see…” I bit the inside of my cheek, trying to get the words out.

“Beck, are you still a virgin?” Rachel whisper-yelled.

All I could do was nod, too embarrassed to say the words out loud.

“Wait, who was your first kiss?” Rachel narrowed her eyes, waiting for my answer.

“That’s why I don’t want you to get mad. It was the day he died. And then everything was just crazy, and I was so distraught.” I reached out and took Rachel’s hand. “It was after school. I don’t know what came over him, but it was so much like what happened last night. We were talking outside of the school. I turned to leave, and he grabbed my wrist and pulled me back and kissed me. It was so brief, but it was everything I had been waiting for. The way Blade kissed me was so similar that I started feeling guilty, but this time because I was thinking of someone else while Blade was kissing my socks off.”

Rachel pulled her hand back and placed her elbows on the table. This time holding her head in her hands with her eyes closed.

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