Page 11 of Stolen Moments

“It sounds like there’s some fluid build-up in there. A lower temperature sometimes helps to relieve that discomfort.” She quickly set up the oxygen tank and slipped the mask over Susan’s face. Once her breath stabilized, Melia offered her a glass of water and her pain pills. Susan tiredly and gratefully beamed at Melia, but was unable to speak. Melia rubbed some warmth back into Susan’s hands and arms. She nodded to Luka to do the same with Susan’s lower body. Once Susan had fallen asleep, Melia propped up her pillows and motioned for Luka to leave her alone.

“Dyspnea,” she said quietly as she lowered her eyes. “It’s common in end-of-life cancer patients.”

Luka nodded and rubbed his eyes. “I was told that sometimes last breaths can be really pained and difficult. I guess I thought she was dying.”

Melia nodded. In the kitchen, Luka handed her a glass of water. He looked her over, a shiver running up his spine. She had been in total control; calm, cool, collected. She had worked so quickly and so compassionately; it was a bit exhilarating to see her at work. Almost as quickly as he had this thought though, he thought of his wife was upstairs, sick — and he felt ashamed.

Melia stared into the cup of tea Luka had handed her. She blinked back tears. Susan’s faltering health had caused her unexpected grief and she often went to the bathroom or to her room to cry. Luka walked into the living room and sank into an armchair. Melia followed silently and sat down on the sofa across from him. For a few moments that stretched into an eternity for Melia, they sat in complete silence. The only sounds were the crickets outside, the ticking of a clock somewhere nearby, and the steady rise and fall of Luka’s breath.

“The worst is the waiting.” Luka sighed and put his mug down on the coffee table between him and Melia. “Throughout the night I wake up often to check if she’s still breathing. Every morning, I wake up and wonder if this is the morning I’m going to wake up and she’s going to be dead. I worry constantly whenever she coughs, whenever her breath becomes uneven. I worry every second I’m not with her.” Luka fell silent again. He brushed back his disheveled hair and covered his face with his hands.

Melia felt conflicted about what to do. She wondered if she should go to him but remembered that the first time she had attempted to console him; he had recoiled from her like a hand from a venomous snakebite.

“Then I feel guilty, because I wonder how I can possibly even try to compare my suffering to hers. I worry butshe’sthe one who’s dying. She’s the one in constant pain, who’s living each day on borrowed time, on less strength than she had the day before. And she’s the one who knows that her time is going to be up soon. Is it selfish to feel these things when she’s the one who’s physically suffering?” Luka looked up at Melia pleadingly.

“Everyone has their suffering; no one’s suffering is more important than another’s. It’s just… different.” Melia tried to keep her voice steady. “You have your pain, she has hers.”

“It’s this terrible gnawing feeling, I want her to die. I do. Then her pain will go away. But I don’t know if that’s a horrible thing to want for someone that you love. I often find myself praying, even though that’s not really something that I did before the cancer…I pray to god or to the universe, that they have mercy on her so she won’t suffer anymore. But I don’t know what I’ll do without her.”

“That’s not uncommon,” said Melia quietly. “I think that’s how a lot of people who are losing loved ones to a terminal illness end up feeling.”

“I miss her. She’s not even gone yet, and I already miss her.” Luka blinked away the tears that had been welling up in his eyes since the moment he had awoken to hear Susan’s ragged breathing.

Melia rushed over to his side and rubbed his shoulders. This time he sank further into her instead of moving away. “I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. This must be so hard, and I can’t even imagine having to go through something like this. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.” Melia whispered it into Luka’s head as he clutched her around the waist. She threw her head back to stay the tears, Luka’s suffering almost suffocating to her, and she wanted nothing more than to make him happy. When Luka’s tears stopped falling, he wiped his face and got up to go to the kitchen. Melia felt destroyed. Watching helplessly as Luka fell apart in her arms over the death of another woman—a woman he loved — was like putting her heart through a meat grinder. She went back to her seat and waited for Luka to come back.

“You two seem to really love each other,” she said in a small voice that barely reached above a whisper.

Luka nodded and smiled sadly. “We did…we do.”

Melia shook herself and mustered her best wicked smile. She knew she had to change the mood before she totally lost it. “Yeah, she told me one of the things she misses the most since she got sick is the kinky shit you guys do together in bed.”

Luka froze and went pale before flushing the brightest red Melia had ever seen. “She told youthat?” he sputtered.

His lack of composure caused Melia to laugh out loud. “Calm down, I’ve definitely heard and seen stranger things.” The wide-eyed, open-mouthed horrified look on Luka’s face didn’t go away, causing Melia to laugh even harder. “I’m sorry, was that too shocking for you?”

Luka wiped a bead of sweat from his temple and shook his head. “I mean she told me you guys were getting closer but I hadnoidea she was telling you so much about our intimate lives.”

“You’d be shocked the things people tell you when they’re dying and sick and have no one else to confess their secrets to,” Melia laughed. “Something about whips and chains.”

Luka flushed red again. “No chains…they’re leather bindings.”

“I was wondering what those things attached to the bed posts were.”

Luka sighed and cracked a smile. “Don’t tease. It’s not nice.”

“I’m not teasing, I’m actually really curious. You don’t seem like the domineering type and Susan doesn’t seem easily subdued.” Melia knew she was pushing his buttons but she needed to know more. She wanted to know why she desired to be at his feet. Why she could imagine kneeling by his side while he stroked her hair. Why she had imagined a collar around her neck ever since she read about a collaring.

Luka shook his head. “That’s a huge misconception. Being weak-willed or mild-mannered has nothing to do with being a submissive. Susan is one of the strongest women I know, being a submissive is about relinquishing all control of your body and of your pleasure into another person’s hands. It’s about trusting that person to be able to please you without your input, since you’re a bit...tied up.” Luka smiled a lopsided and sheepish grin.

Melia felt her heart rate increase and worked hard to steady the rise and fall of her chest. “Oh my. Well, that sounds interesting.”

“You’ve never tried it?”

“No, I haven’t.”

It was Luka’s turn to smile wickedly. “You should.”

Melia’s mug clattered onto the table as she struggled to maintain her composure. Her heart was beating wildly in her chest. She couldn’t control the rising desire that had concentrated itself between her legs. She ran her fingers across her neck and tried to focus.

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