Page 56 of Taming His Rockstar

I pull the painting close and peer at him over it. “Looks that way to me.”

“Spent hours in that bathroom, telling myself to ignore everything you said. Couldn’t sleep much for two days after that until I had to accept that you were right. I was just as much a coward as you were.” He moves closer to me. “It meant that if I wanted to convince you to stop being a coward then I had to stop being one too. It’s why I didn’t bother contacting you. I didn’t see the point to it since I wasn’t ready to be with you. I needed to get ready.”

“And now you’re ready?”

I must look as confused as I feel, because he chuckles. “I don’t think I’ll ever truly be. But now, I know you can’t throw the coward thing in my face anymore.”

“What coward thing?” I ask, wondering when I called him a coward.

He lifts his hand to the switch next to him and turns on all the lights in the room. The whole room becomes bright, and I squint as I turn around to look at what has been hidden in the dark. What I see steals my breath away. It’s an art gallery. Paintings on the wall and some on easels. A few sculptures here and there. The store is even bigger than I assumed it was when I walked in, eyes wide as I stare at the art on display. I can immediately point out Jake’s paintings among the many in the gallery. Finally, I turn to face him.

“I didn’t mean what I said when I called you a coward. I was just lashing out.”

He smiles. “Yes, you did. And I needed to hear it.” He turns around and stares at the room in front of him. “It was easy to play the part of the struggling artist, as you called it. Hell, it felt right even. Almost as if the hardship would bleed into the canvas when I painted. The truth is that I was scared of pursuing my dreams because I was scared of failing. A failed artist. That’s normal. Romantic even. A failed gallery owner. That’s different. So even though I had everything I needed to get started, I kept telling myself not yet. I picked this place out last year. Already had the design in my mind. Had the money to start a long time ago. I had everything except the courage to take that step. Until a woman threw it in my face.”

I want to hide my face. “I didn’t mean to make you feel bad.”

“You didn’t. You made me do something I needed to do. It’s why I said you were both right and wrong. Right when you said I was a coward, but wrong when you said you’re no good for me.”

I look at the gallery again, amazed by how much he has done and impressed by his drive. And I know that all of it still doesn’t change anything.

“It’s great you did this,” I say as I turn around to face him. “It still doesn’t mean you and I is a good idea. You don’t know how hard it is to be in a relationship with someone like me. The attention. The stress that comes with it. It’s not healthy for a relationship. In the end, it’ll just turn us into bitter versions of what we used to be.”

“Now who’s being a coward?”

The accusation delivered in a soft voice hits closer to home than I’d like.

“You don’t understand,” I retort, shocked to find out that I’m so close to crying. “I can’t bear to have you hate me. And trust me, you’ll hate me eventually. When the attention becomes too much. When you can’t go out without seeing someone with a camera or have your every move dissected and criticized. You’ll hate me, and I don’t think I can survive that.”

His hands come around me, and I immediately sink into his arms, fitting in so perfectly it’s like I never left.

“You need to let me go,” I say, clutching his arms tightly as I look up at him. “Maybe we can be friends.”

He smiles and nods. “Sure. We’ll be friends. And lovers. And partners. And everything else we need to be to make sure you’re by my side from now until forever. And then a minute more so I can tell you just how much I love you.”

“I’m supposed to be the poet,” I mumble.

“I know.” His hands travel up the side of my body until they caress my face. “You’re also in love with me. Stop trying to deny it.”

“I’m not denying it. I can’t even if I tried to. I don’t think I’m that good a liar. But I know it’s going to end badly, and I’d rather end it now than wait until all the good memories we share are tainted by how bad this can get.”

“How about you stop thinking of how bad it can get and instead focus on how beautiful it can be? Do you think I’m a child who doesn’t know how to handle a few difficulties, or do you think me so weak I’ll bolt at the first sign of trouble? How about you give me a little credit here.” He sounds a little frustrated, and I can’t blame him. Still, his gaze on me is tender, and his arms around me are steady and reassuring. “I’m not saying I expect it to be easy. In fact, I expect it to get really frustrating sometimes. Like any other relationship. But I’m saying I love you enough that I don’t care what it is we face. As long as I’m with you, I don’t care how hard it becomes. I’m willing to face my demons for us.” He waves his arm at the store. “I’m willing to stand here and help you overcome those fears you have until you agree to be with me. And after, I am more than willing to face every demon, trouble, hardship that stands in our way. Because I love you in a way I’ve never loved anyone before. Question is, what are you afraid of?”

“You,” I answer simply and truthfully. I turn and walk away from him, grateful when he makes no attempt to come closer to me.

“What do you mean?”

“I thought it was clear by now. I’m afraid of losing you. I’m afraid that every day I spend with you, I fall in love with you more and more until a day is going to come I won’t be able to live without you.” I whirl around and face him, not caring that I’m baring all my vulnerabilities to him. “I let you spank me and call you master, for fuck’s sake. Not even Jane would believe I would accept to be so submissive. And not only do I love it, it’s like I’m fucking addicted to it. Like, it feels so right being that way with you. And I’m afraid I’m losing more and more of myself to you every day.”

He walks forward then. Not stopping until he’s right in front of me. To my shock, he suddenly drops to his knees in front of me, and the first thing I think is that he is going to ask me to marry him. He can’t. Hell, I’m still struggling to accept continuing to see him. Still, I’m not sure I won’t say yes if he does. The fantasy of spending the rest of my life with him so appealing I know I’m doomed for life to forever want it.

“You say you’re losing yourself to me every day. Well, I already lost myself to you a long time ago, and I don’t care. It feels right, and I’d not exchange that feeling for anything else in the world.” He looks up at me with those eyes, and I feel the most powerful I have ever felt in my life. “I don’t care about the submissive thing even though I think it’s fucking amazing that you could be with me in a way you’ve been with no one else. That you trust me enough to take that chance with me . . .”

“Like I had a choice,” I mumble. “You didn’t give me a chance.”

“But,” he continues, “If you say you never want to call me master again or don’t ever want me to be dominant when we’re inside, it’s going to be hard, but I can think of other creative ways to make you come. It’s not about that, Katie. It’s not about the dominant thing, or you being a celebrity. It’s about you. The way you smile at me in the bedroom and outside. You’re smart and kind and generous. You’re tough as nails when you need to be. Then you walk into my arms, all soft and female, and I just melt. You make me a better person, and I’m not giving up on that for any reason. Not because you have some doubts. Or because of what some idiots on the internet decide to say about us.”

“I’m supposed to be the poet,” I whisper again. To be honest, at this point I’ve pretty much accepted that this is going to happen. “What do you want?” I finally ask.

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