Page 52 of Taming His Rockstar

“You knew. You just didn’t want to accept it.” He pulls me close. “Don’t overthink it because I know that’s what you’ll want to do next. Just do what you want, and I’ll be fine.”

“You just told me I’ve been your girlfriend for the past few months and expect me not to overthink that. How can I not?”

“By focusing on other things,” he says as he leans down and kisses me on my neck.

“Jake,” I say mid-moan. “We should talk about this.”

“You talk too much,” he says as his fingers find the knot on my robe, and he pulls. Since I have nothing underneath, he places one of his hands on my breast. “How about you just feel this time?”

Then he lowers his head and takes my nipple in his mouth, and I do feel. A lot. And this time, it’s not just about the physical part of his hands on me. It’s also the fact that he’s finally giving me something I’ve wanted for a long time. He’s slow this time. Romantic even. As usual, he makes me moan in orgasm, and I bury my face in his robe to hide the tears that fall down my face.

After, he spoons me and settles in as he sleeps. I lie awake, thinking about everything that just happened, and it leaves me feeling confused and afraid. I have always thought I wanted to be in a relationship with Jake. But now that he’s giving me that, I realized I’m afraid I’ll be bad news for him. He thinks the paparazzi are minor problems now. If word gets out we’re actually in a relationship, then even he’ll be shocked by the lack of privacy it will mean for him. And what about the other stress of being in a relationship with a rock star? I wonder how long he’ll last. A month. Two maybe. But I know that in the end, he’ll eventually tell me he can’t do it anymore. What will happen to me then? I leave now and all I would have is a broken heart. But if he leaves me after one month of giving me everything I ever wanted, I don’t think a broken heart is all I would have.

I quietly get out of bed and quickly dress. When I’m done, I’m creeping toward the door with my shoes in my hand when I think of something and tiptoe to the journal and pen on the bedside table and scribble a note for Jake. It’s short and all I can bear to do if I don’t want tears all over the paper. I’m dropping the pen when I hear a rustle from the bed and look up to find Jake staring at me.

“Katie?” He blinks. “What are you doing?” He sees my shoes in my hand and sits up. “Are you leaving? I thought we could stay a while longer. We’ve not really gotten the chance to talk since you got here.”

I shake my head, afraid to speak out for fear that I’ll just burst into tears.

“What’s that?” he asks, pointing to the note on the table.

It’s in his hand before I can snatch it, and I see his face change when he reads it.

“I was hoping I wouldn’t be here when you read that,” I say in a quiet voice.

He looks up at me. “What? You couldn’t break up with me to my face? Is that what you’re saying?” He gets up and angrily storms to pick up his pants from the floor.

“Jake,” I plead with him, realizing that I’m wrong about being able to bear that heartbreak. “I didn’t know how else to do it. I mean, think about it? A few hours ago, I didn’t even know we were in a relationship, and now leaving you means that I’m breaking up with you. It’s too much too fast.”

“What? You wish you could just end it with a shake while you traipse away to find your next boy toy?”

“Jake,” I squeak, hurt by his accusation. Mostly because it lands too close to the truth for comfort.

“I knew you would never be able to handle the truth. I knew, and I still let myself go on to have feelings for you.” He shoves his legs into his pants and pulls them up. “I’ve done stupid things. This is by far the most stupid of the lot.”

“Do you think this is easy for me too?” I ask. “I’m doing this for you. I’m doing this because I can’t bear to walk away from you a month after now or maybe two when you finally realize I’m not good for you. So, I’m doing it now.”

He stares at me, and for a moment, I wonder what he’s thinking.

“You’re doing this for me?” he finally asks. “I’ve got to admit, that’s a clever one you played there. But hint for your next boy toy. Instead of telling him you’re trying to protect him, how about you tell him the truth and admit you’re just a coward who is okay when the only thing involved is his cock, hand, and mouth. But once the heart comes into play, you tuck tail and run.”

Nothing has ever hurt me as much as his words just do, and I know if I don’t do anything, I’ll fall to the floor and start bawling my eyes out. So, I go on the attack.

“I’m not the one who is hiding out in the club instead of pursing his dream.”

His narrows his eyes at me. “What?”

I know I’m making a big mistake. But I’m hurt and scared, and even worse, I want badly to fall to my knees and tell him it’s all a big mistake and beg him to forgive me. So, I double down.

“I’m talking about the fact that you hoard all these pictures in your house and in storage all because you’re scared what people will think about it and about you. You want to open your own gallery, and instead of going out to do that, you hide in that club playing the bleeding artist.” I see the hurt in his eyes, and I push the anguish that threatens to drown me with more anger and bile. “I’m scared about this. Yes, but don’t stand there and call me coward when I at least can say I was thinking about you. As for you, the only person you’re hurting is yourself.”

He says nothing for a long time. Just stands there staring at me. Then he walks into the bathroom, and I hear him lock the door behind him. At first, I don’t know what to do. I move my gaze to the bed where just a few moments ago he made love to me. And yes, I’m able to admit it now that the last time was him making love to me. It’s going to be the only time too. And I know one day he’ll thank me for leaving.

As for me, well, time heals all wound. I figure if I live till I’m ten million years old, then maybe the aching grip around my heart will start to ease. I put my shoes on and pick up my keys. I walk out of the room and make my way to my car. Then I burst into tears.

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