Page 29 of Training Maisy

Maisy thought about what Brittany said, knowing her friend was right and that she really did have to let Carter know how she felt about him. Then a thought occurred to her. What if he loved her, too? He did like her, but what if he liked her enough to want to find out if he had any feelings for her? If she thought about it, they were almost practically dating, at least sort of. They talked lot and were good at it. They loved spending time with each other. And they had amazing sex and were, well, fucking amazing at it. So she said, “Okay, I’ll do it tomorrow evening.”

Maisy walked into the gym around eight in the evening. Brittany had gotten a call for an important impromptu business meeting to happen the next day and had left for Chicago that morning. Maisy already missed her and wasn’t ashamed to say their parting had been tearful; even Brittany had gotten a little emotional, too. She had been in the gym with Brittany in the morning, and while Brittany had spent the whole time harmlessly flirting with Duke, another of the trainers in the facility, Maisy had put herself through an intense workout session. Mostly because she was thinking of what she had to do when she saw Carter next. Luckily, he had been unable to make it to the gym that morning, and the sense of relief Maisy felt at that told her she really wasn’t ready to confess to him. But as soon as Brittany left, it was the only thing she could think about, and the more she thought about it, the more the possibility of him reciprocating her feelings sounded appealing and possible to her.

So now she was back in the gym, earlier than she usually was if she was coming in the evening. A cursory look around the gym didn’t reveal Carter anywhere, so she asked Tracy where he was and was told he was in their workout section. She walked to the back of the gym and opened the door, taking a deep breath. And felt the pit of her stomach give way, her heart beat a million times faster, and the person currently holding that heart grunted as he pushed a barbell up. He was shirtless, and the way his muscles danced and moved was one of the most erotic sights Maisy had ever seen. The face above it was the most handsome she had ever seen, and she hoped the man who owned all of that had just an iota of the feelings she had for him. He looked up at her and gave her a nod as he finished the set and returned the barbell to the stand.

He stood up and grabbed the bottle of water by his side. “Hey, heard you were here this morning. Sorry I couldn’t make it, and it wasn’t because I was trying to hide from your friend.” He smiled at her, and that smile right there did something to her, hit her right in the middle of the chest.

Unable to help herself, she blurted it all out.

“I love you.”

She clamped her mouth shut after that, then became nervous by the silence. “I mean, I know we kind of, like, agreed that this was just supposed to be a physical thing, and I was cool with that, I swear. Then I don’t know what happened or how it happened, or when it happened for that matter. But I woke up one day, and well,” she shrugged and held out her arms. “I knew I love you. Sounds cliché, right?” She smiled a little.

Then when he still didn’t say anything, she continued, “You gotta say something, or I’m going to keep on rambling here. Anything, I swear I would understand if you don’t love me back . . .” She looked on helplessly.

“I don’t know what to say, Maisy. I mean, you’re great. You’re beautiful, sexy as hell, and real fun. Any guy would be lucky to have you. Any guy would be lucky to fall in love with you.” He looked at her helplessly, and Maisy knew, knew before he said it. “But I’m not that guy, Maisy. I’m not in love with you.”

Maisy heard the words, understood what they meant, and was surprised when her voice came out clearly. “Don’t worry about it, Carter. I understand.” She tried a little smile. “I mean, I know it’s not like you can turn them on or off or anything like that.” She raised a hand when he tried to say something. “Don’t worry about me, Carter, I’m fine. Not the first time I had a silly crush on a guy who didn’t like me back. You should ask Ben in seventh grade, although I don’t think buying you ice cream and letting you copy my homework is going to help me here.”

“You never know. Buying me ice cream just may do the job,” Carter joked, and Maisy laughed at that, although her laughter was a little bit shaky. Then he said in a solemn voice, “I’m really sorry, Maisy.”

“No need for apologies, Carter. I mean, we’re still good friends, right? And this isn’t gonna change that. Besides, you still haven’t gotten me down to my target weight yet.” Then not knowing why, she reached forward, grabbed his face, and kissed him. Hard.

She broke off the kiss, and with a smile that was the stark opposite to the feelings churning inside of her, said, “See you tomorrow, Carter.”

Then she walked out of the room, her back straight, and her head up high. As Maisy walked out of the gym, she felt her heart break into a million pieces, and at that moment, she realized that even though she had thought of the idea of Carter not reciprocating her feelings, nothing could have prepared her for the painful feeling currently going through her. And maybe it was because deep down she had never wanted to entertain the possibility that he didn’t at least feel something for her. At least not with the way they connected, how in sync they were in everything they did. From talking about dumb shit like the color of the rainbows to the amazing sex they had. Maybe in her naiveté, she had thought it impossible to make such astounding physical connections without a sliver of emotional connection. And she was wrong. Tears pooled in the corners of her eyes, and she had to take a deep breath as she plastered a smile on her face, walking through the gym, waving at the friends she had made there.

But as soon as she got into her car, she gave in and placed her head on the steering wheel as she let the tears fall. The ache in her heart was so poignant she felt it physically, and she wondered if she would ever truly recover from this. Unlike her breakup with Eric, where she knew she was leaving behind a scum, an asshole, and a very unhealthy relationship and moving to a future that at the time was at best uncertain, this time she was leaving behind a man she knew was the best, a relationship that even without officially being a relationship was the best she’d ever had. No future could be better than what she had had with Carter. After a while, she raised her head and cleaned her face as best as she could, and even though it didn’t do a thing to lessen the pain in her heart, looking in the rearview mirror, Maisy told herself she would use the pain to improve on the one thing Carter had left her, apart from the memories of them together. She picked up the phone and dialed Brittany’s number, silently praying that her friend picked up the call. She needed to hear some words of comfort, and even though she doubted they would do anything in helping to lessen the pain, she still needed someone to tell her she did the right thing. Because Maisy was starting to doubt that she did.

Maisy didn’t go to the gym the next day, or the day after that, or the day after that. And every time Carter tried to call her, his call went to voicemail, Maisy’s cheerful voice telling him to leave a message.

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