Page 4 of Running Alone

We say our goodbyes after I tell him, not sure about the other Three Stooges, but I’ll be there in the next couple of days. He suggests I send a text to Ruby, letting her know, though he’s pretty sure Hannah already said something. He might be right, so after we hang up, I pull up my last text to her.

“Ruby, hey, not sure you’re getting my texts but just want to give you an FYI that I’m heading up to Timber-Ghost to hang with Presley for a little bit. Didn’t want to just show up without warning. Hope you’re doing okay and we can spend some time together while I’m up there. See you soon, Ruby.”

To my surprise, the three dots show up almost immediately, so I wait, holding my breath. When her text comes through, I almost fall on my ass in shock.

“Hey, Lachi, hi. Yeah, I’ve been getting your texts. Sorry I didn’t text back. Let me know when you get in town, and I’ll make sure I have some time to explain why I’m such a whack job and a total mess. Just want you to know it’s not you, it’s totally me. You deserve so much better than me, which is one of thereasons I’ve not been replying, but I’ll get into it when I see you in person. Travel safely, see you soon, Lachi.”

I smile big because Ruby is the only person who ever shortened my name, giving me a nickname. When I reread her text, something hits me, and my first reaction is to reach out to Nova and have him do a total background search because he has more reach than me. Then, after some thought, I decide that would be so wrong and invasive, so even though I have the strongest urge to try and investigate Ruby, I push down the idea. Just going to have to wait and see what happens when I get to Montana.

FOUR

‘KITTY’

RUBY

It took everything I had to reply to Malachi, or as I like to call him, Lachi. I’ve been a real idiot and chicken in regards to him, and with the bunch of them coming up here, I can’t just hide from him for however long he’s going to be visiting Presley.

I took Wildcat’s advice and set up an appointment with her man, Malcolm. He’s our new doctor on staff, not only for the ranch but also for the Blue Sky Sanctuary. Dr. Cora is now working more on a part-time basis since she brought her mom out to the ranch. Not sure of all that is happening, but I think her mom has Alzheimer's. That has got to be hard to handle, even with her being a doctor. I can’t even imagine. Think her siblings are going to make their way out here eventually too.

So, here I am, waiting for Dr. Malcolm to finish up with his last patient. I’m a bit nervous, as I don’t really like doctors since my automobile accident when I was a teenager. They all treated me badly, like I did something wrong. Well, I guess technically I did, you know, driving underage. Though my mom died because she was too stubborn to put her seat belt on.

The door opening and Heartbreaker walking out catches my attention. When she sees me, she smiles and walks toward me.

“Hey, Kitty, you sick?”

“No, need to speak to Dr. Malcolm about something. I mean, I want to talk to him about my anxiety and depression. How about you, sick?”

“Nope, funny you say anxiety, I’m here for the results of some tests. Girl, should have talked a while ago. Crap, maybe something in the water out at the ranch, as I also have anxiety. I think mine is from always worrying I’m going to fall off the wagon, so to speak, and get hooked on drugs again. I am trying hard. Between the meetings in person and online and going to therapy, it all seems to be helping. I’ve even managed to get on Shadow’s good side. Well, most of the time anyway.”

Heartbreaker raises her hand that is deformed due to our enforcer torturing her a few years ago, when she had fallen back into drugs and didn’t help Tink find Squirt sooner. Shadow actually wanted to torture and kill her, but Tink said no. Can’t believe Heartbreaker is still trying to get Shadow’s blessings.

“Hey, I can see the wheels in that head of yours spinning but, Kitty, I deserved what she did and even more. I broke the club’s trust and that was wrong on so many levels. That’s why I’m working so hard to gain it back. Now, gotta run, as I’m helping the cook tonight because she’s gotta cut out early. She’s going to show me what I’ll need to do. See you later, little sister.”

She gives me a quick hug and walks out. I sit back down and wait. When a nurse comes out calling my name, I get back up and follow her to room number four. She tells me to take a seat by the small desk and Dr. Mal will be in shortly. I’m surprised she didn’t give me a gown to change into. I don’t know, maybe they don’t do that anymore, can’t remember the last time I visited a doctor.

“Hey, Kitty. How are you doing? Frankie told me you might be coming in. What can I do for you today?”

I’m fiddling with my hands and not looking him in the eye. Dr. Mal takes a seat in the low chair with wheels, which hepushes so he can get closer to me. He puts his hands on top of mine and squeezes.

“Okay, let’s calm down. I need you to take a few deep breaths and slowly let them out. Come on, you can do it. Good, now close your eyes and tell me why you’re here.”

“Like I told Wildcat, I have bad anxiety, depression, and panic attacks. Not sure why, but noticed lately my attention span is all over the place, and I can’t get a full night’s sleep. During the day I’m sluggish and sometimes even feel dizzy or just out of sorts.”

I slowly open my eyes to see his kaleidoscope-colored eyes watching me. I start to squirm in my seat.

“Kitty, what’s bothering you right now?”

“I don’t know, Doc, just being here. Oh shit, nothing against you, just not a fan of doctors.”

He then starts asking me questions about my health, if I take any supplements, vitamins, or herbs. Do I smoke, drink, or do drugs. By the time his twenty—no, forty questions—are over I feel drained. He then instructs me to sit on the table so he can take my blood pressure, listen to my heart, and check my pulse. Dr. Mal takes my temperature, looks in my eyes, mouth, nose, and ears. He feels my neck. Then he looks directly in my eyes.

“Frankie told me about your car accident. Do you mind if I examine your head, Kitty?”

I shake my head so his long fingers start rubbing and going over my head. I can feel him going over each ridge and scar. When he’s done, he asks if I get regular headaches, and tell him sometimes but not all the time. He then asks if I have allergies, seasonal or to anything I know of. Again, I shake my head.

He sits back down and writes some notes on his tablet. Then he leans back, looking at me.

“All right, we need a plan. With anxiety and depression I can put you on medicine, but I don’t want to immediately start goingdown that path. I want you to schedule weekly sessions with the psychologist at the sanctuary. From the little you shared; I believe you might have some PTSD that has never been dealt with. Between the accident, your mom dying, and moving from home to home, that’s probably also when the anxiety started and festered. Without processing everything that happened, I’m sure it’s just gotten worse and worse. Now, Frankie shared you have no confidence in yourself. I’m sure the therapist will suggest this but I want you to buy some kind of notebook and start journaling every day. No, hang on a minute. You don’t have to write a book; it can be a sentence or a word to describe your day. You need an avenue to let stuff out, Kitty. Holding it in isn’t helping you. I know there isn’t a specific test to diagnose ADHD or even ADD, but for the next week keep a record of when you can’t seem to finish something you started, or when you can’t sleep, feel anxious, or even if you can’t remember stuff. Anything that to you stands out. Frankie said you are one of her best workers, how do you stay focused at work?”

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