Page 44 of Spite Crush

“Don’t!” He jumped to his feet and took a step back from me. His eyes were wide and suddenly bright with moisture. “Please. Zak, just don’t.” He shook his head violently, the motion causing a tear to run down his cheek.

“I’m sorry,” I said quickly, standing as well but leaving distance between us. “It’s not like I expect you to feel the same way.”

“You’re so stupid,” he said, huffing out a chuckle that cracked in the middle. “You think I don’t? How could I not? But if you say thosewords to me, how can I possibly bear going back? I respect your right to privacy, to secrecy. And I understand that you have way more to lose than I do. And I’m fine with it. I swear I am.”

“But if you hear me say it…” I nodded, suddenly understanding what I was doing to him. I hadn’t asked him to come here expecting to admit how I felt about him. But we were doing so well, and I was so happy to have him here that I slipped and didn’t take his feelings into account.

“If I hear you say it, I’m going to want things I can’t have. So let’s…” He sniffed and swiped angrily at the wetness on his cheek. “Let’s put a pin in that.”

“What if you could?” What the fuck was I saying? “What if you could have the things you deserved from me?”

“This was a mistake,” he said softly. “We’ve already had this conversation. You’re not the only one who has to hide, Zak.”

“But you don’t want to,” I reminded him. “You were forced into this.”

“That doesn’t change our situation,” he insisted. “It doesn’t change the fact that you’ve never been in a relationship before. If that’s even what we’re doing right now.”

“If that’s what we’re doing?” I shot back, anger rising in my chest. “I’m ready to throw everything away for you.”

“I’m not asking you to!”

This had gotten so far out of hand it was ridiculous. What the hellwere we even fighting about? Whether or not we loved each other?

Was this how it was always going to be between us? So quick to anger and arguments? Yeah, that shit had been fun at first. But it wasn’t how I wanted to live the rest of our lives.

I was on the verge of suggesting that he maybe he should go. Maybe he was right and I was moving way too fast. He hadn’t asked me for that kind of commitment. And if I’d been reading too much into what washappening between us, that was my fault. Not his.

But when I focused back on him, my stomach dropped. He’d gone pale, his pupils blown wide and his chest was heaving as he gripped the back of the stool with a shaking hand.

“Fuck,” I growled, walking over to him and holding him tightly against my chest. “Kellen, I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry,” he hissed. “I’m not doing it on purpose.”

“I know you’re not,” I insisted. Jesus Christ. Did anyone in his life ever just support him? When I gothim calm, we were going to have a different kind of serious conversation. “What can I do? Did you take your meds today?”

“Yes,” he answered softly. “But it’s a pill, not a miracle. Sometimes if I get myself too worked up there’s nothing I can do but work through the attack.”

“Deep breaths, babe,” I murmured against his ear. “Remember? Like I showed you. In for four, hold for four, release for four, hold for four. We’ll get through it together, okay?”

He nodded against my chest as we breathed together, my fingers carding through his hair, holding him tightly as his heart hammered against me.

The trembling stopped first as his anxiety started to release its hold over him, and when he finally raised his gaze to mine again, his pupils were still darkening his eyes, but the look on his face was no longer panic.

“You’re not serious?” I asked incredulously.

Instead of answering, he leaned forward and kissed me, his tonguethrusting between my lips as he climbed my body, wrapping his legs around my waist and his arms behind my neck.

My cock went rock hard in an instant and I turned us back toward the island, sweeping my arm across the surface to send papers scattering to the floor before setting him on it.

We broke the kiss long enough to tear each other’s shirts off then crashed back together, Kellen’s finger digging into my back as I pressed him down against the cool marble andsucked his tongue back into my mouth.

If this was how he wanted to avoid having the discussion, I wasn’t going to fucking argue with him.

I undid his jeans and he lifted his hips, allowing me to pull them off completely before sitting back up to cling to me as he kissed me again.

“Tell me what you want,” I demanded.

“I want you.”

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