Page 27 of Spite Crush

I couldn’t blame Kellen for being angry. Hell, I was pissed, too. All ofthis was utter bullshit. These men had no right to sit there and scold us, to dictate to us how we handled ourselves. Neither of them would be where they were if it weren’t for us.

But I was scared that if the tension ratcheted up any higher, Kellen was going to fall into another panic attack, and I didn’t want him to have to deal with any more anxiety at the moment.

Kellen glanced over at me as he squeezed my hand in return. Damn, he really was gorgeous. And those navy blue eyes of his were beyondexpressive. It made so much sense that his manager had forced secrecy on his past boyfriends. Because who wouldn’t want to tell the world they’d been with the hottest rock star in the world?

“This is exactly what we’re talking about,” Sutherland said coldly. “If you’re caught looking at each other like that, then everyone will know the truth.”

“Looking at each other like what?” Kellen’s brow furrowed as he stared at my coach.

“Like the sun shines out of each other’s assholes,” Craig said. “For fuck’s sake.”

I honestly hadn’t realized I was looking at Kellen any differently than I’d been looking at both of them. Well, maybe with less contempt.

“Are we done?” I asked.

Sutherland looked at his watch and nodded, pushing away from the table as we all stood as well. “The bus is leaving in a few minutes.”

“I’ll be home when I get home,” I informed him.

“Kellen, sound check is at five, make sure you’re not late,” Craig told him before turning and walking out, followed closely by Coach Sutherland.

I wanted to ask Kellen if his manager always treated him like a child, but judging from the bombshell about the NDAs, I could pretty much figure out the answer for myself.

“This is bullshit,” I told him. “Are you really okay with this?”

“What are we supposed to do instead?” he asked, his tone absolutely defeated. “Neither of uscan risk ruining our careers over this. They’re just trying to protect us.”

“They’re trying to cover their own asses,” I argued.

“I’m sorry I put you in this position,” Kellen said softly. “I didn’t want this for you.”

“I did this,” I told him firmly. “I called you out first. I goaded you into coming to the game last night, invited you to the bar…and I came to your room. Because I wanted to. I wanted to see you again. Wanted to be with you. Don’t blame yourself for any of this.”

“Yeah, but now that we’re being forced to keep last night as a one-night stand…”

“You don’t want to anymore,” I finished for him.

The truth was, neither did I. I may have wanted that when I got off the elevator the previous night, but the moment I felt him inside of me…I think I knew I wouldn’t be able to give him up so soon.

I also knew that I wanted him again as soon as possible. I just wasn’t sure he felt the same.

“What do you want?” I asked him.

“What do you mean?”

“What part of that question tripped you up?” I narrowed my gaze at him. “What doyouwant, Kellen?”

“I don’t know,” he answered. “I haven’t thought about what I want in a quite a while. Everything I do is for the greater good. To ensure that my band and my crew and everyone who depends on us isn’t screwed up by something I do. There are too many lives dependent on my public image. Ican’t afford to make too many mistakes.”

How the hell could I have thought this man was arrogant? Was it really possible that the biggest rock star in the world had lived his entire life doing what he was told? Never able to make his own decisions? So utterly controlled by his manager that he wasn’t even able to date who he wanted in the manner with which he wanted to?

What the hell kind of life was that?

I stayed closeted on purpose. He’d had it forced upon him without the benefit of even knowing it.

“Well,” I said, reaching out to grab his hand in mine. “I’m asking. We might not be able to solve all of our problems, but right this minute, what do you want?”

“I want you,” he whispered.

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