Page 47 of Don't Let Your Mind Go There

“Okay. Thank you, Daddy.” She smiled at me before moving closer and wrapping her arms around me.

I put my arm around her too and placed one hand on the side of her head, kissing the top of it. “Of course, sweetheart. Anything for you.”

We sat in silence for a while, and when she loosened her arms around me to sit up straight again, I looked at her and cupped her face with both hands. “So, is there something you want to talk to me about? Is something on your mind?”

She studied me closely with her beautiful eyes. “I want to know what you thought of my diary and what I wrote in it. Did you like it?”

“It definitely helped me understand you better. You wrote quite a lot, and some things didn’t sit right with me.”

She lowered her gaze, her brows furrowing. “I figured as much. I’m sorry. I guess I was trying to make things better. Get our family to be a family again.”

I sighed and leaned in to kiss her forehead, then her cheek. “You know we’re still a family. We’re just not living together anymore. But your Mom and Ronan are still very much here for you.”

She just nodded, not adding anything more to that topic. She leaned back to look into my eyes again, and I could tell what she was going to say next wasn’t easy for her to address.

“I want to ask you something important,” she said.

Whatever that was, I had to make sure that she’d feel comfortable and heard by me. I had always tried my hardest to give her answers that were enough, and until today, I had managed to do that.

The tip of her tongue came out to lick along her bottom lip, and she lowered her gaze as she spoke again. “Since we’re alone in the house, and nobody else is around, do you think I can finally let my mind go there? I’ve waited so long. I’ve held back for so long, and I know it’s hard for you too.”

I put two fingers under her chin and gently tilted back her head to get her to look at me. “I was giving you time, and you needed it,” I told her, smiling softly. “It’s up to you now, sweetheart. If that’s what you want, you can.”

She nodded, her eyes glowing as she straightened up. “I want to. I don’t want to stay away from you any longer. I need you.”

I needed her too, but as her father, I had to be careful not to lead her down the wrong path. Seeing her now, and seeing how she handled things, I could safely let her be who she wanted to be around me. And to be honest, I was waiting for this time to come too.

She was slowly healing from all the things she had to live through because of Ainsley and me, and I was healing too.

“Okay, sweetheart,” I said, smiling gently, and pulling her close again. I leaned in until my lips were grazing hers, and before kissing her, I whispered, “We can go there now.”

17

TATE

3 years ago

Mom’s had enough of me for a while now.

Even if I hadn’t been talking much, she’s had enough of me.

She had been the one sending me to therapy. She had said that if I wasn’t talking to her and Dad, I had to talk to someone else.

I wasn’t very keen on going to therapy, but I still went. And now that it’s been a few months, I wasn’t sure if therapy was the thing I needed.

I was sad and felt lonely most days, and every time my parents screamed at each other, I wanted to run. It’s been that way for a couple of years now, and the longer their fighting went on, the more I wanted to scream back at them and tell them that they were the reason why I was so quiet.

But they didn’t understand. Well, Mom didn’t, and Dad was trying his best to keep his distance from me.

It was hard for him to live in this house with Mom around, when all he wanted was to be alone with me. I knew he wanted that because he kept telling me.

It’s been five months since we first got close, and every day since then, I could see how torn he was whenever I was in the room with them. He wanted me just as much as I wanted him, but he had to keep that desire hidden because of Mom.

I wasn’t the reason for their divorce. To be honest, I couldn’t remember what had started their fighting, but I knew it wasn’t anything big. It was probably just another small argument they had, which exploded into something bigger. They weren’t meant to spend the rest of their lives with each other, which was fine.

I’d still have both of them around, but Mom started to leave the house more often, and on many occasions, she slept at one of her friends’ houses whenever she’s had enough of Dad. And me, apparently.

On the days Dad and I were alone, we slept in the same bed. The urge to get closer to him under the covers had always been there, and I held it back at first because I didn’t want to make things awkward.

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