Page 36 of Don't Let Your Mind Go There

“They don’t know about us. And they don’t know that I know about them.”

Jesus…I needed to write this all down.

I needed a moment.

I dropped my eyes to our hands, letting this interaction linger for a while.

“And you’re okay with that?”

He chuckled, and I looked at him again. “I’m fucking my daughter, and you think I’d be upset about my wife getting fucked by my son?”

Damn, that sounded even more twisted out loud. But then, it also was exciting.

“No, I guess not. How did you find out?”

“I caught them a while ago. One day during the summer, late at night. They were in the guest house, and I guess they didn’t realize that, with the lights on inside, I’d be able to look through the window from the outside.”

I kept my eyes on him, studying his face as he told me all about that night. “What were they doing exactly?”

“Fucking. Ronan had her pushed up against the door, and she had her legs wrapped around him. Looked fucking weird, but I stayed and watched for a while before heading back inside the house.”

I bit the insides of my cheeks, trying to imagine what that looked like. And then it made me think.

“Was that what made you want to have sex with me?”

“Let’s not get it twisted here, sweetheart. You wanted to have sex with me first, remember?”

I did remember. I had always been the one taking a step toward him, and he kept pushing me away.

“But…at that point, were you already thinking about it?”

“It definitely made me want to get close to you. But you know we couldn’t.”

“Why not? Mom and Ronan did.”

He breathed in deeply and ran a hand through his hair. “Because back then, I was still trying to be moral. I was questioning myself, and why I felt certain urges. And most of all, I wondered why it didn’t bother me one bit knowing my wife was fucking my son.”

It was a fair thing to question. If I were in his situation, I probably would’ve needed some time to get all that into my head too. And I definitely needed time to process all of what he said now too.

We were silent for the rest of the afternoon. We cuddled and drank our tea, awaiting our other two family members to come back from their hike.

Which, now that I thought about it, was probably more than just a hike to them.

***

Two days ago, Dad told me the secret Mom and Ronan were keeping, and ever since, I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I also couldn’t stop looking at them. I had to observe them both, wanting to see if I had ever missed something about their behavior that was obvious.

Turned out that Mom and Ronan were just super good at keeping their secret to themselves. Even if I had suspected it before already, it was much clearer now.

I liked the idea of them not knowing about me and Dad, and still, Dad wouldn’t touch or come close to me when they were around. He didn’t want them to know about us, but I wasn’t sure I could keep it to ourselves much longer.

It was another calm afternoon at the campsite, with most people out on hikes, and our family just hanging out in the cabin. I got hungry while playing cards with Dad, and because all of our food was already gone, I walked over to the diner to get some fries.

The others didn’t want anything, and so I waited at the counter alone for my fries to be done. Yulia tried to spark up a conversation, but I wasn’t in the mood to talk. I was only in the mood to moan with annoyance when she told me that the fries would take a bit longer to make because of whatever issue they were having with the frier.

“I can bring the fries to the cabin for you once they’re done,” she offered. Her kindness made me less annoyed, and I smiled tightly.

“It’s fine. I’ll wait here.”

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