Page 6 of Conflict

Turning on the tap, I pump some soap into my hands and hold them beneath the water to wash. I check out my reflection in the bathroom mirror and I’m pleased to see that my skin looks less grey today. I’ve succumbed to the constant barrage of pleas to eat from my parents, and it’s beginning to show. My cheeks are a little rounder, and my eyes are getting their sparkle back. Even if I still feel numb inside, I do look a little healthier than I have for weeks.

As I walk back into my bedroom, I catch the screen of my phone light up on the bedside table and scramble to grab it. Ever hopeful that it’ll be Jamie and not Mum offering me yet another snack. I’ve only just finished her attempt at a charcuterie board. She likes to think she’s a little fancy, but I have to admit I find it easier to tackle picky bits rather than a meal. She cottoned onto that a week ago, and now she keeps prepping bits of cheese and cold meats for me. Slowly feeding me up. Unlocking the screen on my phone, my heart races when I see the text is from Jamie. “Yes!” A little squeal escapes me as I fist pump the air. The triumphant feeling lasts seconds as I scan the text. More specifically, the last part of it. “I won’t be a bother to anyone. Remember the good times, Scar. Keep those close, they’re what’simportant now.” I read those few words over and over again. I don’t like it. Something feels off, and my heart rate increases exponentially as I hit the call button.

It cuts straight to voicemail. “Hey, I can’t answer right now. You know what to do.” Jamie’s deep voice echoes in my ear.

“Fuck!” I shout. “You idiot!” I’m staring at my phone screen like I expect it to answer and hit the call button again. It goes to voicemail. “Shit, shit, shit.” I mumble as I push my feet into my trainers and grab my car keys from the bedside table. Something isn’t right, I feel it bone deep. As I run down the stairs, I’m met by my mother standing at the bottom.

“What on earth is going on? Are you alright?” she’s wringing her hands together in front of her as she takes in the sight of me. “Scarlett, what’s happened?”

“I think Jamie’s done something stupid. I’m going over there now. Phone his mum, I’ll meet her there.” With that I’m pulling open the front door and running down the driveway towards my car. “Mum, phone Pat!” I yell over my shoulder as I climb behind the wheel and start the engine.

The drive to Jamie’s flat is a five-minute journey, but it feels like I’m going in slow motion, and to top it off, I’ve just hit a red light. I curse under my breath as I tap the steering wheel and wait for the green light to appear. The minute it does, I tear away from the lights and make the left turn on almost two wheels. When I pull up outside the block of flats where Jamie lives, I dart out of the car and slam the door shut behind me, clicking the lock button on the fob as I run up the little pathway to the coded entry door. “Shit!” I didn’t think this through. How the hell am I supposed to get past this? I begin hitting Jamie’s doorbell, hoping he’ll answer, but I know he won’t because I don’t think he can. In a flash of inspiration, I hit every doorbell on the panel, and pray someone will answer and let me in.

“Hello?” A gruff voice asks.

“Yeah, hi erm…pizza delivery.” I say hopefully.

“Sorry, not us. Try ten, he gets a lot of takeaways.” Ten is Jamie’s flat.

“Hi.” A female voice this time answers a different bell.

I try again, hoping to sound more cheerful this time and less panicked. “Hey, pizza delivery.”

Seconds later, the door clicks open, and I’m inside. “Thank you!” I say to no one as I race to the lift and frantically press buttons. I turn to see Pat banging on the door and shouting my name. Her eyes are wide with fear as I scoot back and open the door for her.

“What’s happened? Have you spoken to him?” Her words come out on a rush of breath. The lift door opens and we both push inside. In the time it takes to reach the third floor I’ve filled Pat in on the message, and my fear that he’s done something unthinkable. “Well let’s just get in there and see what he has to say for himself.” I know she’s trying to be calm for both of us, but I somehow know that he’s not okay. As the lift door opens, Pat grabs my hand, and we race towards Jamie’s door. Pat begins hammering on the door. “Jamie, open the door!” she shouts as her fists continue to beat against the door. When he doesn’t open it, she screams loud enough to wake the dead. “Jamie Kasper open the door, right this minute!”

“Woah, woah, woah! What’s going on?” The man from the flat opposite Jamie’s has appeared on the small landing behind us. “Do I need to call the police?” He’s standing with his arms folded across his chest and his feet wide apart. I don’t think he expected to see a sixty-year-old woman ready to bust down the door.

Pat turns to the neighbour, fear filling her eyes. “Yes! Yes, do that. Call the police. I need to get in that flat right now. I think my son’s…” her voice trails off as she realises what we may find on the other side the door. As the neighbour pulls out his phone,I turn my attention back to Jamie’s flat. My fists rain down hard on the door as I continue to scream Jamie’s name. As exhaustion hits, Jamie’s neighbour moves me aside as he raises his foot and begins to kick at the door, next to where the lock is situated.

As his foot connects with the door for a third time, two police officers appear at the top of the stairwell. Pat scrambles to fill them in on what we think Jamie has done, begging them to help get the door open. The larger of the two officers moves to take over from the neighbour, but not before he’s radioed through to his superiors. “Alright mate, let’s see if we can get in.”

After two swift kicks to the lock and Jamie’s door remained firmly shut, the somewhat embarrassed officer turned to his colleague. “Katie, go get the door ram, mate.” It felt like an age as we waited for her to return but as soon as she did, they had the door smashed open in minutes.

The female officer held onto Pat’s arm. “Let my colleague go in first.” If she thought she had any chance of holding back Pat, or me for that matter, she was sorely mistaken.

“Jamie!” I shouted as I ran behind Pat, through the doorway into the flat.

“Can we get an ambulance to flat ten, Addison’s Court. Unconscious male, possible OD.” The officer spoke into his radio as Pat launched herself at Jamie. Tears poured from her eyes as she shouted his name while shaking him. “Katie, can you check the rest of the flat?” A swift nod and knowing look exchanged between them as I stood helplessly, taking in the scene unfolding before me. “Jamie, is it?” The male officer asked as he began turning Jamie into the recovery position on the sofa where he lay.

“Is he…dead?” My voice broke as I asked the inevitable.

“No, but he’s not in great in shape. The ambulance will be here in a minute. They’ll take good care of him.” He fiddled with his radio as he appeared to be listening to someone inhis earpiece. “Excuse me a minute,” he turned to make his way towards Jamie’s bedroom. For some reason, I followed behind him.

“Looks like he was serious,” Katie said as I tried to peer around the door frame. Nothing could have prepared me for the sight of a makeshift noose hanging from the rafters, through the loft hatch. A kitchen chair sat beneath it. On the bed, Jamie’s dog tags had been laid out neatly alongside his uniform. My stomach rolled as bile rose up my throat, I only just managed to miss the female officer as vomit poured from my mouth.

CHAPTER 9

SCARLETT

“Right, what have we got?” The paramedic asked as he entered the flat.

“This is Jamie, probable OD, not sure how many he’s taken but he’s had plenty of alcohol by the looks of it, too.” The empty cans and bottles of spirits littered the coffee table and the floor. “There’s only a couple of tablets missing out of the packet, that we can tell, anyway. Oh, and he’s army, mate. His uniform’s laid out on the bed.”

“Please, help him.” Pat begged the paramedic. “I can’t lose him; not like this.”

“I’ll do my best,” he smiled at Pat as she rocked on her knees next to Jamie. “Right, let’s see if we can sort you out, eh mate?” The paramedic addressed Jamie as though he was able to respond, I just wished he would. Images of Tom flashed through my mind. Thoughts of losing Jamie, too, crippled me.

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