Page 25 of Conflict

“Ok Mr, keep your hair on! It’s meant to be fun, not that you’ll know what fun is at your age,” Riley high fives one of the other lads, whose name escapes me, and they both hold their stomachs as they laugh at their own wit.

Trying to stop the smile from hitting my face is near on impossible as I react. “What do you mean at my age!” I stamp my foot on the ground in pretence of running after them but they’re on form tonight.

“Yeah, come on then, your knees will give out before you can catch us,” Riley’s partner in crime calls out and now the whole team are laughing hysterically.

I try to gain some control over the session while Mike stands on the sidelines trying not to join in the frivolity. “Let’s see whose knees give out first, shall we? You can all get nice and warm doing a few laps of the pitch before we start,” I grip thewhistle Mike gave me between my lips and blow hard, signalling for them to start running. The groan they all let out nearly drowns out the noise from the whistle but they start to run, and not one to dish out tasks I can’t complete, I bring up the rear of the group and start to jog with them. Once they’re all suitable out of breath I relent and let them stop, “Okay, get yourselves into two teams, grab a ball and we’ll have a few shots on goal, we need to nail those penalty shootouts and corners.” Josh is the first one to start picking team mates and he leads his little gang off to start practice. Ben, as usual, is standing on the sideline, ever the proud grandparent. I hold my hand up to acknowledge him and I’m rewarded with a small nod.

The next forty-five minutes seem to fly by as the lads get stuck into training. To say he’s a reluctant player, Josh is becoming the star of the show. Now I’m no expert but he really stands out as having a bit of talent, the others are noticing it too. I’ve only been taking notice of the team for the last few weeks but it’s obvious he’s gone from feeling like a bit of an outsider, to the one they flock to when he arrives. He’s the joker of the group, a bit cheeky but he knuckles down and takes pride in his playing, even if he’s a bit of a show boater. He reminds me of Tom, he was always the joker on camp. Nothing was sacred as far as he was concerned, God forbid he found out anyone’s fears, he’d never let it rest. The memories bring a smile to my face and for once I don’t feel guilty about it. Grief is a learning curve that nobody can prepare you for. Some days, the mere mention of his name brings me to my knees, more recently though, I’ve found that I can have days without the pain.

“Help! Someone help him, please!” my reverie is broken by the shouts of Josh and my head shoots up to try find where he is on the pitch. The team, as one, beginning running to the sidelines towards where Josh is huddled over his grandad on the floor. My legs break into a sprint, and I’m pushing kids out ofthe way as I head over to where Ben lay. As I drop to my knees next to Josh and Ben, Josh looks up at me with tears and snot running down his face. “I think he’s dead,” he wails.

My instincts and training kick in, and I’m checking Ben’s vitals for any sign that he isn’t, in fact, dead. I can’t find a pulse in his neck. “Nope, he’s still with us,” letting Josh know that I might be too late, is out of the question so I try to smile and reassure him as I rip open Ben’s jacket and shirt, baring his chest. “Mike, call 999!” I glance in Mike’s direction but I needn’t have worried, he’s already talking on the phone, giving the operator our whereabouts. “Josh, give me some room, mate,” I take up position, kneeling beside Ben as I pinch his nose and blow into his mouth, there is still no response so I start chest compressions while praying the ambulance isn’t far away.

I’m on my second round of rescue breaths when Mike appears at my side with a defibrillator. “We bought one out of some of the fundraising money,” he says as he opens the box and starts sticking the pads on Ben’s chest. When the machine tells us to ‘stand clear’ we both make sure the kids are at a safe distance and watch as the defib jolt’s Ben and his body lurches upwards slightly. There’s a moment of silence while we all listen, waiting to see if Ben responds. When he doesn’t, the machine tells us to start again. So, I’m back on my knees, pumping Ben’s chest.

“Come on, Ben. Work with me, mate.” I mutter as the machine begins the two-minute countdown to the next time we’ll have to shock him. It’s exhausting but the adrenaline has kicked in massively, forcing me to carry on. “Where’s the damn ambulance?” I growl in Mike’s direction, and all he can do is shrug. Josh cries out again and Mike finally rounds all of the kids up and move them down the field towards the carpark. They don’t need to witness this. Josh tries to cling to his grandfather but I manage to grunt out “I’ve got him, Josh, go with them.”

“Please don’t let him die,” he says as Mike takes a hold of his shoulders, trying to guide him away.

“That’s the aim, Josh. That’s the aim,” I’m breathless and thankfully when the defib springs to life again, telling me to not touch Ben. I press the little red button to administer the shock and wait. The sirens become deafening as the ambulance pulls into the carpark and the crew jump out, and run across the pitch. I breathe a sigh of relief as I start up chest compressions again. One of the technicians falls to his knees beside me and I allow him to take over. I stand up and move to the side giving him space to work. The enormity of the situation hits me hard and I bend at the waist to grab my knees. Dragging in air as I try to breathe through the panic that’s taken residence inside me.

“What have we got?” the other technician asks.

“This is Ben, grandfather to one of the kids on the team. I didn’t see him collapse but Josh, his grandson, shouted for help and I couldn’t find a pulse,” I manage to speak through ragged breaths. “I couldn’t get a pulse.”

The technician places a hand on my back, “You ok?” He smiles almost apologetically as I nod my thanks. He drops down next to Ben to assist his crew mate. It’s a calm kind of chaos.

“We’ve got him, he’s back,” the first guy says loud enough for me to hear and I drop to floor, clutching my head. The relief floods through my veins like fire.

“Thank fuck for that,” my voice is a whisper as the paramedics set to work on stabilising Ben enough to be able to move him to the ambulance. Blowing out a teary breath, I stand and make my way over to find Josh. He’s standing with Mike, who has his hands tightly fixed on Josh’s shoulders, holding in place no doubt. Some of the parents have started to arrive to collect the kids, there is a sea of worried faces as they bundle their offspring into the respective cars, shielding them from the trauma that’s playing out on the pitch. As I approach, I cansee Josh is sobbing, his whole body is shaking, and I reach out to him. “He's not well, but he’s alive,” I say as the small boy launches himself at me.

Josh’s arms wrap around my waist and he buries his face into my stomach, “Thank you, thank you, thank you,” he says over and over again, and his words break me. Mike turns away as his own emotions take over and I watch as he wipes his eyes before he pulls out his phone and starts to chase up the rest of kid’s parents.

When I feel Josh start to calm a little, I separate myself from him and bend my knees, bringing me down to his level. “Hey, I didn’t do anything, they did,” I indicate over to where the paramedics are prepping Ben for his journey to hospital still. “I’ll come with you to the hospital if you like, we can wait there for your mum,” I ask and he nods gratefully.

“Right, we’re taking him up to the infirmary on George Street.” One of the paramedics informs as they’ve load Ben into the back of the ambulance.

“I’ve rang his daughter, she’s going straight to the hospital,” Mike adds before he turns to me and says, “I told her we’ll get Josh up there.” The ambulance pulls out of the carpark with its sirens blaring and I know Ben’s not out of the woods yet, and I raise my eyes to the sky and pray he’ll make it.

CHAPTER 35

SCARLETT

The waves lap at the shoreline as I pick up my e-reader and scan my library for a new read. This holiday is exactly what I needed. “Here you go,” Rachel hands me a bright red cocktail with an insane amount of fruit perched on the rim of the glass. “Don’t ask me what it is, I just asked for today’s special,” Rachel settles on to the sunbed beside be and sips at her drink. “Tastes good though!” she winks at me before abandoning the straw and going straight to drinking from the glass. As I swallow my first sip the alcohol takes my breath away and I have to sit up while I cough and splutter, my drink going everywhere. “Steady on, Scar!” Rachel reaches across and takes the glass from my hand, placing it on the small table between us.

“Jeez, I don’t know what’s in it but there’s a bloody lot of it, that’s for sure.” My hands flap at my eyes as I try to regulate my breathing. “I think it’s tequila,” I screw my face up as the afterburn hits.

“If you don’t want it, I’ll drink it, you can go get a coke instead,” Rachel settles back on her lounger and closes her eyes to the sun. “The guy behind the bar is worth a visit anyway.” Rachel grins as I slap her arm playfully. She’s incorrigible but I wouldn’t have her any other way. There was a time I hoped sheand Tom would end up together and she’d be not only my best friend but also my sister-in-law. That was short lived though, they went on a couple of dates before Tom joined up but she was too much, even for my brother. Their fiery nature got the better of them, Rachel’s not one to back down and neither was Tom. They both liked to have their own way, she isn’t good at compromise. My phone vibrates beside me, a quick glance at the screen tells me it’s Jamie calling me and my heart rate spikes. I’m sweating and it’s not from the surrounding temperature. I swing my feet over the edge of the lounger and sit up, holding my phone in my hand. The ringing doesn’t stop. “Are you going to answer that?” Rachel lifts her sunglasses up slightly to peer at me. “What’s wrong?” I can’t speak so I just angle my phone so she can see the name on the screen. “Give it to me, I’ve been holding off speaking to him, but now’s as good a time as any,” anger is etched on her face as she makes a grab for my phone but I pull my arm back swiftly.

“No,” I press on the icon to reject the call and the phone falls silent. “I don’t need you to fight my battles for me.” If anyone is going to tell Jamie how much he’s hurt me, it will be me, not Rachel. “Anyway, it’s stopped now.” I slide the phone into my beach bag – out of sight, out of mind, or so they say, and settle back down on the lounger. “He’ll get the message; he won’t ring again.” After a few seconds, I reach back into my bag and pull out the phone, he can’t ring if it’s switched off. My thumb presses down hard on the power button until the screen goes black. Satisfied I can’t be tempted to talk to him now, I pick my e-reader back up and carry on reading.

After one last dip in the pool for the day, we both head back to our room to get ready to go for dinner. “Has he rung again?” Rachel asks as I empty the beach bag and hang our towels over the balcony to air out for tomorrow.

“No idea, I’ve not checked. It’s still switched off,” the sun’s beginning to set and the view from the balcony is beautiful as the sky lights up with burnt oranges and reds as the sun dips lower in the sky. Rachel joins me and hands me a bottle of water. “I figured if Mum or Dad needed me they’d ring you if I didn’t answer.” Cracking open the bottle, I lift it to my lips and take a long needed drink. Cocktails in the sun is one thing, but I don’t want to fill like shit later for it.

The silence between us a comfortable one as we watch the people left around the pool begin to pack up for the day. “They’ll be out again in a few hours, putting their towels down to save their spots for tomorrows sun worshipping session,” Rachel says through a chuckle. “I can’t be bothered with all that, what’s the point of a holiday if you have to get up at the crack of dawn to get a sunbed.” She shakes her head in disbelief. “You know you’re going to have to speak to him at some point.” It’s a statement I’d rather not hear. “It might be easier over the phone than in person.”

“Not now, Rach. I’m not ready for this discussion. With you or Jamie.” My hand comes to rest on Rachel’s forearm. “I know you’re worried about me but can we enjoy the last couple of days without mentioning him?” This time with my best friend has been precious and I couldn’t love her any more than I already do, but her need to make a sacrifice of Jamie isn’t something I want to deal with while we’re here. “Shall I take the first shower?” I ask her, changing the subject, and she smiles up at me with a nod. “Okay, I won’t be long. Do you want to go to the fancy restaurant instead of the buffet one tonight for a change?”

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