Page 18 of Conflict

Thinking back, we were further apart than normal. The idea of a convoy is that we travel closely together, it’s safer that way. “Oh, about sixty metres, or there abouts anyway.”

Dr Munroe puts down his pen and notebook, “Now you’re the expert here, so educate me, Jamie. Are there explosive devices you wouldn’t be able to detect at that distance?”

“Absolutely,”

“Okay, so what about at three metres?” he questions further.

I’m slightly irritated by these questions and I sigh out my frustration before I answer. “Yes, there are. In fact, if they’re really good you might not see an IED until it was too late.”

The doctor smiles, sympathetically. “Right, so help me understand how, if the lead truck didn’t see anything and you, in the second truck, couldn’t see anything suspicious, you could have prevented the explosion that wiped out the lead truck and killed your friends?”

My brow furrows as I try to find some way to apportion blame on myself again. When I struggle to find a reason, I lower my head and gaze at the wooden floor. “I never thought about it like that. It makes me feel a little better realising that neither of us could see it.”

“What do you mean ‘you feel a little better’ about it?” he pushes me further still.

How does it make me feel? I have to really dive into myself to understand that. “I feel less guilty, I suppose.”

“Do you see how walking through the events running up to the explosion has highlighted that your anger and guilt are self-directed? There was nothing you, or anyone else, could have done to alter the outcome.” He allows me time to process the information before he continues. “We will leave it there for today, but I want you to carry on with the exercises I gave you and I’ll see you next week.” He stands to shake my hand before he opens his office door for me to leave.

CHAPTER 24

SCARLETT

As Jamie approaches the car, I’m shocked the hour has gone by so quickly. Turning off my kindle, I slip it back into the glove box before Jamie climbs in. He rewards my patience with a kiss. I start the engine and pull out into the main road and late afternoon traffic. “Thanks for driving me,” Jamie’s hand comes to rest on my thigh while I navigate the journey home. “I should cook dinner for you, to say thank you properly. Mum’s out tonight at her friend’s birthday party,” his fingers tighten on my leg, giving it a gently squeeze. “We could pick up a bottle of wine, if you like.”

“What’s on the menu before I commit, I don’t want beans on toast, or a tin of soup,” I laugh loudly at my own joke, but I’ve known this man for years. Cooking is not his forte. “We could order a takeaway though; I fancy a Chinese or a curry. Or a Chinese curry. You pick.” I pull the car up outside the little supermarket I’d just spotted ahead. “Come on, we’ll get wine and snacks now and you can order food on the way back.” I’m out of the car before he can argue and I mentally congratulate myself for avoiding a dose of food poisoning by letting Jamie cook.

As we enter the supermarket Jamie grabs a basket, “I can’t believe you don’t want beans on toast. I was gonna add asprinkle of cheese and make it look all fancy, but nope, you’d prefer a takeaway.” He lifts a bottle of wine from the shelf and begins to study the label. “You want red or white?” He places the bottle back on the shelf and picks up a sauvignon blanc instead.

“White. What snacks do you fancy?” I’m perusing the snack aisle, looking for crisps and dips when he sidles up behind me, kissing my neck as he reaches around me to grab a bag of Doritos and chucks it in his basket.

“You. But I’ll settle for crisps,” he kisses me again. “I’ve got two bottles of wine and some of those chocolate eclairs you like.” I grab a tub of dip to go with his crisps and drop it into his basket.

“Let’s go then,” I slip my hand into his as we head to the checkout to pay.

As I drive the rest of the way home, Jamie orders food so it’ll be delivered just in time for us getting back. I’m so hungry now and the thought of Chinese food makes me salivate. We get back just in time to put the wine in the fancy ice bucket that Pat has hidden away in cupboard and choose a film on Netflix before the delivery driver knocks on the door. While Jamie dishes out our food, I grab cutlery and glasses and make myself comfy in their living room. He hands me my food and sits beside me. “Are you really going to make me watch Avengers again? You must have seen this a million times.” He’s already shovelling his noodles into his mouth as I press play on the film.

“Yep, I’m in a Chris Hemsworth kinda mood,” I grin stupidly wide at him, daring him to challenge my film choice. He doesn’t, he knows better. Instead, he pours two glasses of wine and hands one to me.

Once I’ve eaten more than my body weight in food, I settle back and snuggle into Jamie’s side. He’s poured more wine into my glass and topped up his own too. His arm is draped around me and his fingertips are drawing gently circles on the little bandof skin he’s managed to expose at my side. I’ve lost interest in the film but I’m reluctant to move in case he stops holding me. There is now a feeling of calm where before there was only fear. Fear of carrying on, fear of being alone in this world without my twin, and the fear of losing Jamie to the army, or worse. I know he’s responsible for healing my broken heart. The fragments are slowly knitting back together into some kind of whole. There will always be a missing piece, but I’m beginning to realise there is a reason to carry on with this little life. I risk a glance up at the man who is proving to be my saviour, and he’s smiling down at me. The intensity of his gaze makes me feel a little out of control as he ducks his head to brush his lips against my cheek. Next, full lips press a kiss against my jaw, setting my senses on fire, then on a growl his tongue invades my mouth. With strong arms, Jamie pulls me firmly against his body, his fingers sliding underneath the hem of my T-shirt. With the finesse of a well-practiced man, Jamie unhooks my bra and reaches beneath the silk, his thumb grazing over the mound of my breast. The lightest of touches causes my nipple to ignite. Pausing he asks, “Is this okay? Tell me to stop if that’s what you want.” I don’t stop him. He breaks our kiss to slide my T-shirt over my head and remove my bra, my breasts are in his hands as he sucks on their pebbled tips. The low moan I heard was unrecognisable as my voice. Jamie eases us down onto the sofa, the fabric feels cold against my back but the weight of him is exhilarating. “Move over, beautiful.” His voice is husky as he wraps his arms around me so we were laid on our sides. My back is pressed against the back of the sofa and I can’t think of any place I’d rather be.

Jamie runs a finger from my bottom lip, along my neck and toward my breasts. With a shiver, I pull him in closer so I can kiss his lips as his fingers run a trail to the waistband of my jeans. Deftly, he undoes the button and slides down the zip while his tongue traces the outline of my jaw. The feelingof anticipation is not misplaced as his hand vanishes inside my jeans. I allowed myself to explore his neck with my lips and tongue as he pushes my jeans down my legs and out of his way. The cool breeze dances on my now bare skin as Jamie’s hand reaches between my legs, his fingers exploring. When his thumb grazes my clit, I let out a shaky breath. I’ve not felt this turned on or out of control in a very long time. As his tongue invades my mouth and his fingers disappear inside my body, I reach down to pop open the buttons on his jeans. Desperate to feel him, I push his boxers down, along with his jeans, exposing his erection. My palm wraps around the length of him and it’s his turn to groan. “There’s a condom in my wallet,” he whispers between peppering my throat with kisses. He moves to fish his wallet from his back pocket and hands it to me. Repositioning myself on top of him, I open the condom and slide it down his hard shaft. As I lower my body down on to his length, he groans again, his hands come to rest on my hips as I move slowly up and down. Jamie guides my body, helping me to keep a steady rhythm as he thrusts upwards into me. Sparks begin to ignite deep in the pit of my stomach, and my body embarks on its mission to reach the fireworks. “Slow down, Scar. I’m not ready for this to end yet,” he lifts his torso from the couch and sucks my nipple into his mouth, circling it with his tongue before he nibbles gently on the tip. Large hands rest on my back, radiating heat through my body as he pulls me against his chest. Releasing my nipple, he begins his assault on my body. His hips pump upwards as our mouths meld in a furious tangle of tongues and lips. My fingers twist in his hair, pulling him nearer still. “Come with me,” he begs, and it’s as though he’s given my body permission to let go. Lights explode behind my eyelids as wave after wave washes over the length of me, and fire spreads through my veins. “Good girl,” is all he can manage in response to my orgasm as he spills inside of me.

Every emotion possible pours from within as a small, strangled sob leaves my mouth. I drop my head to rest on his shoulder as he holds me close. Both of us breathing heavily as we come back down to earth. “Are you okay?” Jamie cradles my head, allowing himself to take in my features as he searches for reassurance.

I don’t regret what we’ve just done. How could I? “I’m fine. More than fine,” his smile is one of genuine relief. Reaching down, he grabs my underwear and T-shirt and hands it to me. “It’s getting late, will you stay?” he tucks a stray strand of hair behind my ear. It’s only ten but I’m tired, and the thought of making even the ten-minute journey back to my house fills me with dread. I can think of nothing better than spending the night snuggled up with Jamie.

“Will your mum mind?” I fish around in my bag for my phone, getting ready to text my parent’s and let them know I won’t be home.

Jamie laughs, “I think she’ll be fine with you staying. We’re not teenagers anymore, I am allowed girls in my room.” He winks as he teases me. “Let your dad know you’re safe while I tidy this mess up or my mother will have something to complain about.” Jamie piles the left-over food and crockery onto a tray and slips the used condom into his pocket before he heads into the kitchen. As I tap out my text for my dad, I hear Pat come in through the front door, Jamie calls out to let her know he’s in the kitchen. As soon as I’ve hit send on my message, Pat pops her head around the living room door.

“Night, sweetheart. Jamie said you’re staying, there’s a new toothbrush under the sink in the bathroom and help yourself to a clean towel in the morning. I’ll not bother you,” she blows me a kiss and leaves to make her way upstairs.

CHAPTER 25

JAMIE

I’m woken in the middle of the night by the terrors that invade my sleep. The sheets are a tangled mess and my sweat-soaked body writhes with the imagined pain. Scarlett reaches out for me and I jump, forgetting she’s spent the night here. “It’s okay, it’s me,” she runs a soothing hand along my side as I reach for the glass of water I keep beside my bed.

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