Page 13 of Conflict

Iknow she’s on the train, Jack rang me to let me know he’d waved her off. So, where the hell is she? The steady stream of people that exited the train has now dwindled to almost nothing and still I’m standing here trying to spot her trademark auburn hair. Out of exasperation I check my phone for missed calls or texts but there’s none. Did I get the time wrong? Maybe. A quick stroll to the display board proves that it was the right train and Scarlett should be with me now. Panic sets in, it’s an unfamiliar feeling. My job requires me to be calm under pressure, so why the hell do I feel like my heart is about to spring out of my chest? I can hear it beating in ears, my palms are clammy and beads of sweat are starting to form at my brow. Pulling up Scarlett’s number, I hit dial on my phone screen as I mumble to myself “Where the hell are you, Scar?”

“I’m here! Sorry, sorry. I needed to pee and there was no way I was using the one on the train, it was minging.” Scarlett fakes a shudder as she makes a strange choking noise to show her absolute disgust. “Are you okay? You don’t look well.” Raising her hand, she feels my forehead, her nose wrinkles in disgust. “Ew, you’re sticky,” she unceremoniously wipes her now damphand down the front of my clean T-shirt. “We should get you out of here. Come on, Jay.”

A small chuckle escapes me. It’s both relief and joy. “Jeez, I’m fine. Just a little worried that you’d done a runner on me.” I throw my arm around her shoulders pulling her in close to me. The calm she brings me is unreal, its grounding and a little scary all at the same time. I’m not really sure what’s come over me. It must be the connection to Tom I feel whenever I’m around his sister that I find comforting, it makes me feel that he’s still with me in some way.

Scarlett flashes me a huge cheesy grin. “Well, I’m here now. Where to… Pub?” As we weave our way through the station Scarlett clings to my side a little too tightly.

“There’s a few pubs with terraces, we could sit outside and watch the boats go by on the river, if you like?” I raise my eyebrow quizzically at her as I wait for her to answer.

Without hesitation she replies. “Good plan. It must be happy hour somewhere,” Scarlett winks up at me and my anxiety levels drop a little more. She just needs to keep smiling like that at me and we’re all good. Scarlett was right, it’s happy hour in the Pitcher & Piano. We’re sat outside at one of the tables overlooking the River Ouse, because Scarlett wants to watch the river boats. I’m happy because I have a pint and the sun is shining. All the stress from the last few hours is slowing ebbing away, I can feel each muscle relax in turn with every sip. Scarlett is sipping on a mojito while observing the world around her. It’s easy, natural even being around her. I blame myself for Tom’s death and all the devastation it caused his family. Looking after Scarlett will be my way of making amends. I’ll do whatever it takes to ensure she makes it through this hell her brother has left us in. Scarlett has put her needs aside these last few weeks to pull me out of the depths I allowed myself to reach. My selfishness needs to do one, I need to push through my ownneeds and make sure she’s okay. None of this should be about me, it should all be about Scarlett. She has to be my focus now. My way to move forward.

“Why am I scared you’re going to run rings around me this afternoon? Stupidly, I presumed we’d have lunch then head home; guess I missed the memo!” Teasing her comes easy to me. Scarlett was always hanging around with us. She followed us around all the time, it used to be a pain in the arse when we started dating girls because Scarlett always felt like she had to vet them for us. Too skinny, too mean, too needy – you name it and Scarlett would call them out on their shit without a second’s hesitation.

“You can’t tell me that as a squaddie you can’t hold your drink. I’ve heard all the stories don’t forget and seen all the pictures. Don’t you make out I’m the bad influence here,” she chuckles mischievously “Wait here, I need to pee.” I’m done for, she’s on a mission to obliterate the last few weeks from her memory, I’m sure of it. Resting my back against the bar I wait while she takes care of business.

“Hi, I’m Petra, can I buy you a drink?” The girl standing beside me introduces herself boldly with a huge smile on her face, she has too many teeth and she obviously didn’t see Scarlett leave me a minute ago.

“I’m just waiting for my friend, sorry.” I apologise with a smile. She’s pretty in a quirky kind of way but not my type. Too forward for my liking. Even so, in different circumstances, I probably would have indulged her with a drink and anything else she had to offer.

“I know, I saw her head off to the loo so I thought I’d take a chance on a good-looking guy.” Petra turns and signals to the barmaid with her beer bottle, “Sure I can’t get you a beer?”

Laughing now I shake my head to confirm I’m not out for a hook-up. “Thanks though, maybe some other time.” I seeScarlett heading towards me. She looks more relaxed than she has for weeks but I can still see the pain behind her smile. That’s the problem when you’re so close to someone. They don’t need to say the words, you’re just tuned into the shit they’re going through. It confirms that my own grief needs to be set aside. My sole purpose is to ease her pain and I’ll do whatever I have to in order to achieve that.

“Come on, let’s go. There’s a bad smell to this place.” Scarlett looks Petra up and down before she hooks her arm through mine, allowing me to guide her out of the pub. I forget how small she is until she attaches herself to my side, even wearing heels she doesn’t reach my shoulder. That thought makes me chuckle for some reason. Tom wasn’t tall so to speak but at five feet nine he wasn’t short either. Scarlett is around five feet four at best.

Leaving the pub, we take a left turn and head down towards the town centre in search of somewhere we can grab a bite to eat. The conversation flows freely, Scarlett is obviously a little tipsy and it’s good to see her relaxing. As we near the end of the road, what sounds like a gunshot rings out around us. My whole body goes into autopilot as I throw Scarlett towards the ground shouting “Get down!” My heart rate is ramped up, all my senses on high alert as I crouch beside Scarlett. My hand is firmly planted on her back holding her in place. My aim is to protect her at all costs. Christ, I can’t face telling the Wood’s that I’ve managed to get their only remaining child killed, too. The sweat runs down my back as my eyes scan the surrounding street looking for the possible target I need to take down. I’m in full on tactical mode.

“Jamie?”

“Sshh, you’re doing great, don’t panic. I’ve got you.” My voice is barely above a whisper.

“Jay, it was a car. Nothing more.” Scarlett moves slowly from the position I have her cowering in. The concern at myoverreaction is evident in her eyes. “It’s okay. We’re okay. Look,” she gradually stands and holds her arms out by her sides, indicating she’s not hurt. “It just a car, nothing to worry about, we’re both safe.” Gradually, she moves towards me and holds her hand out to help me up.

I’m still crouched on the pavement only now my head is in my hands in utter disbelief. A car, a bloody car. Dragging in cold air, I try to calm my shattered nerves and ease my heart rate. My lungs are burning as they fight to gain control again.

“Jamie?” There’s a wobble in her voice. I can hear it quite plainly but there is nothing I can do in this moment to ease her fears. Rubbing my hands over my face, I swipe away the wetness from my cheeks as I try to gain composure. We’re okay. Scarlett is okay. Nobody died today.

“Sorry. I get…never mind. Are you okay? Sorry I scared you.” Pushing myself up to stand as I brush the dust and dirt from my jeans. Anything to delay having to look at Scarlett.

“Does that happen often?” she gently enquires as her hand squeezes my forearm. I brush her off, I really don’t need the third degree right now. I just need to get out of here. Scarlett seems to understand I don’t want to talk about it and falls into step beside me. “Why don’t we head back to the train station? We can grab something from Greggs and head back home.” The sympathy in her eyes almost kills me. I hate that I’ve freaked out in front of her but I hate that she’s right even more.

I’ve ruined what could’ve been a good afternoon.

CHAPTER 18

SCARLETT

Seeing Jamie freak out like that was horrible. His fear had been palpable. Watching the shame that overtook his fear was heart-breaking. Seeing Tom killed and all the other horrors he’s no doubt witnessed has really affected him more deeply than any of us could ever imagine. The half hour train journey home has been almost in silence. He refused to have a seat on the train, instead insisting he stand by the door. Of course, I couldn’t leave him alone there so stood with him the whole time. As we finally pull into the station everyone makes a dash for the door, ready to be off the train to go about their day. As we wait for the doors to open some random guy manages to bump into me, pushing me into Jamie’s arms. It was an accident but Jamie didn’t see it like that. “Oi, dickhead. Step the fuck away from her.” Jamie snarls as he pulls me in even more tightly. His protective nature turning a little ugly. The guy holds his hands up in apology, obviously not wishing to insight any further anger.

“Hey,” I lift on tiptoes to speak directly to Jamie. “I’m fine, it was an accident.” Jamie lowers his arms from around me, instead grasping my hand tightly in his as he leads me off the train and out of the station. The taxi ride from the station backto Jamie’s is just as tense as the train journey, only difference is that he doesn’t let go of my hand for a second. Not even when he paid the fare. As he opens the front door I hesitate for a moment. “I think I’m gonna head home, give you a little space. You must be fed up of me by now,” trying to make light of the situation, I giggle a little.

“Don’t leave, not yet. Please,” his dark eyes narrow as he speaks. “We’ve got Greggs and Mum’s shit coffee. Just stay for a bit,” his grip tightens on my hand, leaving me no option but to agree and follow him into the kitchen. After making sure I’m sat safely on the barstool, he flicks the kettle on and grabs a couple of plates from where they are drying on the rack. “You want tea or coffee?” When I don’t answer instantly, he spins around and almost shouts my name. “Scar! Tea or coffee?”

“Oh, sorry. I’ll have tea, please,” feeling a little helpless in the moment. A few days ago, he really seemed to be on the mend, I thought I was getting my Jay back but today has cemented the fact that this is going to take months. Examining the chicken slice, I’d bought earlier, I pick at the pastry, popping tiny pieces into my mouth. Somehow, my appetite has disappeared in the short time it has taken us to get home. I shove it back into the paper bag and wait for my tea instead.

“I’m sorry I lost it back there; I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” Jamie sits beside me, nursing his cup as though his life depends on it. “I didn’t mean to scare you. I’d never scare you intentionally, you know that, don’t you?” he turns to face me, studying me with an intensity I’ve never seen in him before. His hand rests on my thigh, fingers gripping me tightly. I lean into him and rest my head on his shoulder. He drops a kiss on the top of my head before he continues. “I’d never let any harm come to you.”

“Jay, you didn’t scare me. I never feel as safe as when I’m around you. Considering all that you…we’ve been throughrecently you have every right to react the way you did today,” I lift my head to meet his gaze. Our faces merely inches apart. “I trust you; I always have done.” In a flash his lips are on mine, preventing me from saying any more. His mouth moulded to mine as he takes my breath away. This isn’t any kind of kiss we’ve shared before, this is sensual, loving and gentle. I can’t pull away from him, in fact I have to resist the urge to fall deeper into him.

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