Page 69 of Ten Mountain Men

“Wait, what are you talking about?” Goldie asks. “Who’s Susie May? What’s the big cave?”

Buck lowers his eyes but then raises them again, meeting Goldie’s questioning gaze. “Susie May is the only girl I’ve ever loved. Lynx loved her too. She loved us both. But then she forced us to choose which one of us got to be with her. We couldn’t.”

“And it about tore us all apart, but apparently they want to try it again with you,” Luke says.

“Wait, what?” Goldie looks horrified. “I do not want to tear you all apart!”

“You won’t,” I assure her. “Because it’s different with you. At least, I think it is? We all want to be with you. And we want you to be with all of us.”

“Susie May thought it was weird, being with two of us, but you…” Lynx’s voice trails off, uncertain.

“Not all of us want to be with you,” Luke barks. “I’m going to pack.”

Goldie’s eyes are saucers, watching him storm off to the attic.

“He’s bluffing,” I assure her, waving a dismissive hand. “You want us too, right?”

I know she does. She said as much last night, in bed.

Her big eyes are filled with tears.

She shakes her head. “He doesn’t seem like he’s bluffing. I’m…this is not okay. He’spacking? I should be the one to leave. I’m going to leave. I’m leaving right now. You all tell him.”

And we all watch, dumbstruck, as she hurries toward the front door in a wobbly run and races out.

Chapter 20

Goldie

Sometimes the pursuit of what you want instead leads to what you need.—Gilbert Von Berger

I have no earthly idea who Gilbert Von Berger is or what he did to earn quotable status, but his words are my first thoughts when I’m roused by Clay murmuring my name in a fairly salacious way sometime before sunrise.

From one side of me, he has an arm slung over my shoulders. From the other side of me, Buck’s arm is draped across my belly.

Why is two men for every woman not the standard?I wonder idly before whispering, teasingly, “What is it, sweet thang?” at Clay.

Then he lets out a little snort and I realize he’s talking in his sleep.

Hearing a guy calling your name in his sleep is not a turnoff.

I go back to mulling over Mr. Von Berger’s wisdom. What if the pursuit of what I wanted—to find my Bigfoot and make my documentary—did, indeed, lead to what I need?

After the mind-blowing close encounter of the lusty kind with Buck and Clay last night…I can’t ignore the gnawing in my gut that tells me that despite what I wanted, this was what I needed.

I’ve gotten myself off before. I’m not a total prude. I’m obviously not a hardcore dildo collector like my bestie Winnie. I prefer my hands to toys, but nothing I’ve ever made myself feel came close to the explosive orgasms Clay and Buck drew out of me. I’m surprised we didn’t wake everyone in the cabin. Hell, I’m surprised we didn’t wake every bird in every nest on the mountain.

Perfection is not the absence of flaws, but rather the embrace of imperfections in the colorful threads that weave the unique fabric of our existence. I think again of that old favorite quote of Mother’s third husband, Roy. Damn, there were some mega-colorful threads woven into the fabric of my existence last night!

But I can’t think of Roy without thinking of Mother and her trail of broken marriages, including the last casualty, Clive. They were together eight years. An all-time record for her.

“Sometimes the pursuit of what you want leads instead to what you need.” I mouth the words.

I wonder if my mother’s relentless pursuit of what she wants—to be happily married—and her luck at stumbling upon men who fall fast and propose quickly, who practically race her down the aisle to become man and wife, has kept her from ever making it to what she needs. Whatever that is.

Are you alive, Gilbert Von Berger? I wonder.What do you think?

It’s just light enough that I can make out the silhouette of Buck’s face. If I squint, the sweep of his dark lashes. Of course, they’ve all got thick lashes. For being so big and burly, he looks sweet, innocent even, as he sleeps.

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