Page 36 of Shut Up and Bite Me

Without wasting a second, I latch onto both of their minds and tell them, “Forget about my red eye color and leave.”

They nod mindlessly as they grab the wagon and walk away. Hurriedly, I gather the dropped bags and rush inside, slamming the door behind me and sliding down onto the floor.

For just a moment, I wasn’t Vivian Barlowe, vampire. I was just Vivian, imagining what it would be like to have a little girl of my own. And then I watched their admiration change in front of my eyes to utmost terror.

I spent so long making sure that I was in control of my life, my power, and those around me. No one has the capability to truly surprise me or hurt me anymore. I made sure of that, and I’ve succeeded for decades. But now, everything is changing, and I hate not knowing how or why. I’ve never felt more out of control.

“Hey, are you okay?” Greyson rushes over to me, crouching down and cupping my face.

“I-I don’t know.” My gaze meets his as my eyes burn, and tears fall down my cheeks.

It’s been two days since Vivian scared the little girl scouts and filled me in on the truth of what’s been happening, although she doesn’t have any of the actual answers. She told me how impossible it is that her energy is laced with mine. She and Autumn have been desperately searching for an answer, but they’ve yet to discover anything to tell us why.

We’ve been damn near inseparable the last couple of days. She’s been feeding on me regularly, without the sex. Which I honestly haven’t minded. The desire is present tenfold when she feeds, but even without the sex, it’s incredibly intimate.

Don’t get me wrong, I love fucking her. But getting to know her, getting past the persona of power and sex appeal, and seeing pieces of the vulnerable woman that lies beneath has beeneverything.

I can tell there’s more she isn’t telling me; I can hear it in the silence between her words. I wish she would trust me, but I can understand why she doesn’t. In terms of her life, she’s known mefor such a minuscule amount of time. But that doesn’t make it sting any less that she’s holding something back.

She left early this morning to meet with the High Council, but I have no idea what it’s about, nor if it’s any of my business. But part of me has an inkling that it has to do with Vivian and me. She told me not to wait around for her today because she wasn’t sure when she would be back.

Lucy and I spent the majority of the morning watching TV together, cuddled up on the couch. She is officially my best friend. Then I took her on a walk. Vivian said she likes her harness and going outside, but Lucy would disagree with that statement if our walk this morning proves anything. Leaving Vivian after this is one thing; leaving Lucy, my little Lulu, behind too is another pain entirely.

We only have five days left together per our agreement, but it doesn’t feel like enough. I’m not ready to say goodbye. I’ve never met anyone like Vivian, and I don’t just mean the fact that she’s a vampire.

She comes across as rather serious yet playful, a girl who is always smiling when others are present, even if she doesn’t feel that way inside.

That’s just the version of herself she shows the world. Behind the cheery mask is a girl who has a lot of story and pain. She hides those parts of herself so well. If I didn’t study her so intently all of the time, and if I didn’t have those parts of myself, I would never have noticed the slight cracks in the foundation.

I want her to know that she doesn’t have to lift that pain alone; I can take some of it too. I can’t imagine the life of a vampire is an easy one. Living in secret from the rest of the world while trying to blend in with everyone else, it has to be exhausting.

She doesn’t have to shy away from her true self around me. She can just be. I find her red eyes just as beautiful as I do her hazel ones, her strength just as breathtaking as her weakness.

Besides, I think her fangs are hot as hell.

I got into this agreement for the money, but I don’t know if I can take it, knowing that afterward, I walk away from her. It’s like I’ve been running on autopilot my entire life, only waking up after I met her.

How do I tell her all of this without scaring her away?

I know she feels the connection between us as much as I do, like a tangible tether tying us together.She has to. Even if she does, she might not want to pursue anything further. But I don’t want this to end.

Granted, I could probably enter the Culling again in six months, and she would likely bid on me, but the thought of her not choosing me or going that long without seeing her makes my heart constrict in my chest.

This could all be made up in my head, a story that I desperately want to believe in. Even if this is all a fantasy in my mind, I hope I never find reality again.

My phone dings, pulling me from my thoughts, and I glance at it, finding a text from Steven.

Steven:

Rent is due tomorrow. I need your half.

God, I’ve been living in peace the last week that I forgot how much I fucking hate Steven.

I can’t believe that I ever agreed to move in with that dumbass. I don’t care if Vivian kicks me to the curb when this is all said and done, I’m not going back to that damn apartment.

I have enough money now to buy out my half of the six-month lease, and that’s exactly what I’m going to do.

Me:

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