Page 118 of Royally Drawn

“Fine, suit yourself,” I said, trying to beat down the urge to throw myself at him.

I flicked off the light and lay there in silence. I thought about what it might be like to wake up next to him in the morning—how it would feel to touch him again and to have him do everything to me. I was too awake and too horny to rest. I contemplated getting out of bed, thinking I could run to the bathroom to shower and get myself off. It wouldwork.

“Ingrid?”

I stopped.

“I am going to die over here,” Keir said. “I talk a big game, but this is the world’s most uncomfortable couch. If I promise to behave, can I please sleep in the bed? I could be gone before you even wake?—”

“Just come to bed,” I said. “Really. It’s fine. I trust you.”

Whether Ireallytrusted him was immaterial. The image of Keir tempted me as he climbed into the bed. He lay a foot away from me, looking up at the ceiling just as I was.

“This is so fucking awkward,” Keir said.

I giggled. “So awkward. Betty couldn’t have expected this to happen. Of course, she’s proud of herself.”

“She really is. I must hand it to her. It’s more of a grand gesture than I ever imagined. And then only one bed? It’s like a movie.”

I smiled and looked over at him. “What did you imagine then?”

“I thought about writing you a letter,” Keir said. “I wrote and rewrote it hundreds of times, but I could never get it quite right. I also considered trying to engineer a sailing holiday where you ended up on my sailboat.”

“You just like shagging me on boats.”

“Anyone would like shagging you on boats.”

I snickered.

“There wasn’t a perfect way. I spent eight months thinking about you—eight months torturing myself and wondering what I could do to fix it,” Keir admitted.

He met my glance. I wanted to say something, but there was nothing to say. I reached for his hand and squeezed it. He turned. Even in the dark, his eyes showed so much love for me.

“I fucked up. I only wanted to promise you what I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt. The thought of losing you made me think to love you and to risk it all for kids… if you died, I’d end it all. I couldn’t do it without you.”

“And what’s changed?” I asked.

“I was without you for eight months, and it wasn’t better than with you. I dunno. I thought it would feel freeing and better, but I immediately regretted it. And I couldn’t say anything to you about it because…. I wasn’t around.”

“I didn’t want you to stay back,” I said. “Of course I did. But I didn’texpectyou to, Keir. I just wanted to discuss what would happen after we survived that six months. And you… you broke my heart. You couldn’t… wouldn’t even talk about it.”

“I wanted to be honest with you because I loved you—I do—even more, Ingrid. The minute I saw you again… I was hit with this same feeling. It’s you, or it’s no one.”

His words cut me to the core. It wasmeorno one.

“But it won’t work unless?—”

“I want you. I want a life with you, Ingrid—the whole thing. I’d be miserable if I didn’t try, okay? I’m ready when you’re ready. I will do what you want me to do. Take a desk job… whatever you want.”

“I don’t want you to give everything up for me,” I said.

“I won’t. I have about a year left. I will stay stationed at Marham and talk to my aunt about that—and we’ll have a nice little life in Norfolk until we figure out what is next. You can have your horses. I will play groom as much as I need.”

Tears welled.

“I will do whatever I need to earn your trust, Ingrid. Please.”

I crawled across the bed, landing in his arms. Resting my head on his chest, I let out the tears I’d been holding in for longer than even I knew. I let them flow. I didn’t have words. I was broken. I was happy. I was exhausted. I was in love. I was everything. There were no words for everything all at once. Keir held me close. He said nothing as he rubbed my back and let me get it all out.

---