Page 106 of Royally Drawn

I glared at Lars. “And you probably do.”

“Stop it!” My mother shouted; voice short.

Lars’s girlfriend left the picture a month ago. I could only assume he’d want to move in on Ingrid now that the door was open.

“I’m not interested in Ingrid,” Lars said. “Promise. I will steer clear. I am only going because I follow the same orders you do. Anyhow, please tell me when you want to leave. We’ll coordinate it.”

“It will be a few days,” I said. “But there will be all the bullshit gatherings ahead of time. Maybe we can skip them?”

Lars and I both looked at Mamma for an out.

“That’s unkind. You both know better.”

“I’ll find Pappa,” Lars said. “Are you ready to go out?”

“Just give me a few, and I will be.”

He left, and Mamma shook her head. “Keir, I love you, but you cannot hide from that girl.”

“I tore her heart out,” I said. “She hates me—understandably—and I’m not ready to deal with all of that. I’m only going to cause her more grief.”

“Have you thought of apologising?”

“What for? She’s moved on. She doesn’t care what I have to say, Mamma. She shouldn’t.”

“You still love her.”

“I will probably always love her. She hates me. She hasn’t so much as texted me since I ran off.”

“But haveyoutried Keir? I’ve never heard her say an angry word about you. Cici and Betty have never said anything and are closer than ever.”

“Then she didn’t love me.”

“I don’t believe any of that, Keir. That’s bullshit. I think you were madly in love with her? I think she was very in love with you. And I think something frightened you, but you’ll regret it if you don’t apologise. Because if you love her, you owe her that.”

I growled, “Fuck my life!”

“What happened? Can you even be honest?”

I took a deep breath. “I got scared. It was a combination of things. She told me if I wasn’t interested in marriage and kids someday, it didn’t matter how much she loved me.”

“That’s a fair statement. Did she give you a timeframe?”

“She doesn’t want me leaving again. She didn’t say I had to marry her or anything like that—not like tomorrow— I expressed doubt I’d ever be up to it, and I wasn’t willing to give up on work.”

“First, you never have to ‘give up’ on work. Second, sweetheart, that’s ridiculous. I think you want to be happy someday. Happiness for you will include marriage and children—with the right person. I don’t know if that person is Ingrid. Maybe it is? You are the only one who can say if that is true. But would it hurt to make things right with her and see how it goes?”

“I don’t think I could ever love anyone enough to risk having children with them. And when her sister almost died… it hammered that home.”

Mamma looked down and nodded. She took a moment to compose her thoughts. I waited for her to speak.

“I know that was hard for you, Keir. Watching me go through hell wasn’t easy. I am sorry that so much of your childhood was painful.”

“You did a wonderful job trying to keep us safe, Mamma.”

“It about killed me, but I’d do it all the same every time. I am… I don’t want you to give up on the beauty of having a family just because losing Daddy was so hard. You cannot live in fear of that.”

“Her mother died giving birth to her.”

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