“Take all the time you need. I’ve got this,” Alexandra said.
I fled from her office, down the hall, and past Rickand his mother, Karolina. They managed the children like a barn hand might manage horses coming into the stables for the evening.
“Ingy, are you okay?” Rick called after me.
“Nope!” I called back.
I rushed to my room to let it all out. I pulled the curtains on my canopy bed tight as I had done in childhood when I needed to feel safe. I wished Odette was here. The door opened.
“Ingrid… come outside.” Rick’s voice rang out. “The kids could use some time with you.”
“I just need a minute. I’m a mess.”
“That’s okay. I have a baby here whomightcheer you up.”
I poked my head out to see Manon crawling towards me, her blonde curls framing her face like a halo. She was adorable. When she reached the bed, she pulled up on the bed frame. She blew a raspberry to melt my heart.
I hopped down, picked her up, and held her on my hip. Taking in that sweet baby smell, I kissed her head. She was everything I needed.
“See, you need to come out with us. It’s a beautiful day. You can play with the kids in the creek.”
I relented. Karolina sat in the back garden, watching Linny ride laps on her bike. Odette gave all the bigger kids a new bike. My favourite was Chris on the balance bike. He would ride everywhere with no pedals at an alarming speed.
“What is bothering you?” Rick asked as we sat on a bench by the creek banks that passed through the garden.
“Keir is coming, and I just… I haven’t spoken with him since the day. I’m not ready to see him.”
“Oh,” Rick said. “Well, you’ll see him forever. It will be fine. And maybe you two can… talk.”
I glared.
“What? You still loved him when we last had a brotherly-sisterly heart-to-heart.”
Chris jumped in the creek, now wet head-to-toe. I smiled.
“See, you’re thinking about him.”
“No, Rick,” I laughed. “I’m watching the little man in the creek. We used to go out there.”
“I remembered. When I first met you, you were trying to splash Odette.”
“I remember thinking you were an asshole. A handsome asshole.”
Rick snickered. “You thought I was handsome?”
“I was twelve and knew no men. Literally, anyone qualified as ‘handsome’.”
“I cannot believe you are so grown, Ingrid. I miss you when you’re gone, and I also forget you’re a grown woman.”
“Well, I have been for a while.”
“I know. It goes bysofast.” He bounced Manon on his lap. “And with babies, it is gone in a flash. I try not to think about this being our last.”
“Did you hope for more?” I asked.
“Nah. I didn’t. I closed that door. Alexandra took the hysterectomy hard. I don’t know if that was a lack of choice or because she wanted more.”
“Lack of choice can drive you mad. We never had it, and it can be traumatising. She didn’t have it until she was married to you, Rick. Things are so different for us.”