The words fell out—in another language—unexpectedly. It wasn’t as if we were in a place where I could clarify or pull Astrid aside to lay a big kiss on her lips. No. This was the worst-case scenario! Helpless, I squeezed Astrid’s hand to show my genuine feelings. She stared back at me, bemused.
I tried to ignore it, but my words were the truth. I loved Astrid. She’d pulled me in—this invisible string connecting us since day one—and I could not separate myself from her. I loved her to bits. It may have taken me slightly longer to admit how much, but I loved this woman. I did wild, mad things for her. I would do anything I could to protect her—in the rare case that she couldn’t sufficiently defend herself. This was what it was to be in love.
“Well, I am surprised. Should we be booking a church?” Celeste asked.
“I think it’s good for her to finish her education first, yes?” Rick asked.
I was impressed by how protective the man was of this group of girls. You’d tangle with Rick first if you wanted to tangle with them. He looked ready to launch into battle with a slightly rude look. He’dtaken over the role of father even if he wasn’t much older than me. I admired his degree of care. Astrid deserved more people in her corner.
“Certainly. And I hear she has a bright future,” Queen Margaux said.
“She does. They would like to keep her on as a doctoral student,” I said.
Astrid flashed me an even more surprised look.
“And she’ll be doing it,” Alexandra added.
“What does that mean?” Ingrid asked.
“That Astrid will be a doctor,” I answered. “She will have a Ph.D.”
“Well, just as you will. We shallsee,” Astrid said, understated.
“That is my goal this spring,” I admitted. “And I will defend by March, but Astrid, don’t downplay how massive this is! She’s brilliant. That’s why they want to keep her.”
“And what will you do then? If you are graduating?” Celeste asked.
“I’m trying to sort that out,” I said. “Academic employment is much more complicated than applying for a job. And I have the estate to worry about. My mother would like me to return to Devon, of course.”
“And will you?” Celeste asked, waiting for me to say yes and break Astrid’s heart.
“No,” I answered. “I couldn’t.”
Astrid beamed, my answer pleasing her beyond measure. I’d won this battle but must follow through. It was one thing to tell Astrid this. It was another thing to stick to the plan. I needed to stay near Astrid.
We left the drawing room for dinner. I took Astrid’s hand.
“What was that, Parker?” Astrid asked.
“I’m sorry that’s how it came off, but I love you. And I wouldn’t let her suggest I was wishy-washy about you or using you. I do love you, Astrid. It just happened to drop out like that.”
She stopped, pulling me back to her. Grabbing me by my jacket lapels, she pulled me close and wrapped me up in a tight kiss. It wasn’t proper or polite, but it was honest. Sometimes, honesty was best. Not everything could be perfect or proper, but if we could stay honest, we’d be all right.
fifty-four
ASTRID
“Dinner was nice.”
“It was,” I admitted. “Nicer, still, we’re here while everyone else is elsewhere.”
“Few things better than being in bed with you in front of a fire in supreme quiet, Astrid.”
Parker kissed me, his lips slowly pressing against mine. I kissed back harder, pulling him closer. We were in absolute comfort with bodies wrapped together. We had the Christmas Eve dinner Rick upon. He and Alexandra retired. The little girls elected to stay up all night watching television. Parker and I ducked out, racing to spend the night in bed shagging endlessly. After a good round one for the evening, we cuddled in bed.
“You always do such a big thing on Christmas Eve?”
I shook my head. “That’s new. Sort of Rick’s thing.”