Page 61 of Royally Rivalled

He trotted, the laptop still in his hands, barely keeping up.

“Astrid, please stop!”

I ground to a halt and turned. We were stuck there on the steps, blocking the flow of traffic. His face looked devastated. Tears streamed down my cheeks. We were a mess.

Parker spoke, “It wasn’t just a hook-up. You make me feel vulnerable—frightened even. Can we… sit… talk?”

If I said yes, there was a chance he’d break my heart. I worried I would make a mistake if I said no, and he could still shatter me. My curiosity got the best of me.

thirty-seven

PARKER

Astrid pointedme to a spot next to her in the gazebo. She was open to talking. Students passed as I shoved my laptop back into my messenger bag. I handed her a tissue for the tears running down her face. I needed to come clean. That meant being painfully vulnerable, but if I didn’t get honest with her—and myself—this would never work.

“Astrid, it wasn’t a hook-up. I know you owe me nothing, but I couldn’t handle seeing the two of you together—him with his arm around you. I got caught up. Having sex for me is… a private thing, and it’s usually not a one-off. I should have probably mentioned that.”

She glowered. “Would have been nice for transparency.”

“I’m sorry. I owe you an apology and an explanation. I feel things about you—things that frighten me and things I haven’t felt in a long time. You make me want to be vulnerable. I felt I could trust you until I saw you with him. It made me feel like you thought about me like one great laugh. I bore my soul to you, and it fucking hurt to see you think it was so silly.”

Astrid’s brow furrowed, “Parker, you took my fuckingvirginity. So, no, it wasn’t just some great laugh. And if one of us were most vulnerable, it would be the one getting penetrated for the first time, yeah?”

She had a point.

“I didn’t sleep with Jeremy, nor do I intend to at this moment,” Astrid said. “After whatever we did, I… I felt that might be shady. I know you aren’t interested in a relationship, but?—”

“I am saying I am. But I also tend to cock this all up. I struggle to put my heart on the line, Astrid.”

“Why?”

“Because someone broke my heart only to come running back after my dad died. And then she broke it again when she realised I didn’t want to instantly marry her and give up all I’d worked for.”

Astrid didn’t say anything, but her look wasn’t one of judgment. She quietly folded her hands in her lap, carefully considering my words.

“I’m sorry. For that. For your Dad. I know what that is like. You know my parents are dead, right?”

“I knew your Dad was. Your mum, too?”

“Mum died first—having Ingrid, our baby sister—and Dad quickly followed. Living without Mum threw him into a spiral. He took his own life when we were all young. Then, Grand-Papa died. And it left us under the care of our grandmother. She never liked me. I hadn’t had a champion since I was only thirteen. I’m sorry you lost that champion, Parker.”

“How did you know?”

“Your mum doesn’t get it, does she?”

I shook my head.

“I’m sorry. It feels like losing a lot. I know it. And I appreciate you finally being honest, but forgive me if I don’t want to deal with your moods. You need to get your shit together, Parker.”

“I am sorry, but you make me mad, okay? And I am dreadful with words. Everything I can do, you do just as well, if not better. I am in awe of your ability to speak to everything and challenge people—challenge me. You’re fearless. You are sometimes too ambitious and impulsive, but your bravery gives me hope.”

Her face lit up. “You think I’m brave?”

“You’re so brave, Astrid. And, lovely. Funny. Kind. Dutiful. All the qualities I admire in people. You love to argue, and I loathe that, but I’d rather you be a bit wilful than a doormat.”

She chuckled. “I have never been a doormat.”

“I gathered.”

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