Page 78 of Proof

“Soshewas the head of the family when your father and grandfather weren’t there,” I suggested.

“Yes and no. After the kids were sent out of the room, the dinner turned into an interrogation. She wanted to know what stupid shit each family member had done that could potentially stain the Ashby name. Then she’d fix it. I wasn’t sure how, but I’d outright seen my cousins and other family members engage in criminal acts like DUIs and drug possession, but nothing ever happened to them. No charges, no jail time. Just fodder for the tabloids.

“Before my grandfather died, I spent a lot of time with him, and I’d begun to think of him as my dad. I didn’t know my grandfather wore a mask like everyone in the family, so it was harder to accept the stuff Mother Ashby told me after his death. I couldn’t really make sense of it because he seemed different than everyone else. We spent nearly every weekend at the cabin…”

“The one you took me to,” I offered.

Cass nodded. I’d already heard the tone of his voice shift. He’d seemed disassociated when he’d talked about his father, but the mention of his grandfather held more emotion.

“Grandad taught me all about the forest and how to use the sun to tell what time of day it was. I learned about the different landmarks that would always lead me back to the cabin if I got lost, how to make a fire, and even trap a small animal if I needed to eat. Thank God I never had to do that,” Cass said with a chuckle. His smile quickly disappeared, leaving only sadness behind. “Those were some of the best times in my life,” he murmured.

I couldn’t help but shift closer to him and cup his cheek. He pressed into my hand for several long beats before straightening then coldly said, “Turned out it was all just another Ashby lie.”

“What—?” was all I got out before Cass continued on his own.

“After my grandfather died, my grandmother told me the truth about him and my father. They were both experts at coming off as good, fair-minded men, but they’d treated her like shit. Berating her, telling her to remember her place in the family, not letting her pursue any of her own dreams. She was expected to represent the perfect wife and mother of a family whose name was plastered on buildings all over the world. She’d become a prisoner within her own life. My grandfather and father had treated her like she was nothing but an employee. Actually, they treated her worse than their employees.”

Cass paused and took in a few deep breaths. It was clear that he loved his grandmother and was blaming himself for not having been able to protect her from her own husband and son.

“Mother Ashby said Grandad would go after her mostly at night when he got home from work or wherever the hell he’d been. They had separate bedrooms but no matter what time it was, he walked right into her bedroom and started screaming at her, even when she was already asleep. He pointed out everymistake or flaw in her behavior and appearance. My dad did the same thing when it was his turn to take over the Ashby empire. Both men cheated on their wives and ignored their children. The kids born outside of those marriages were ignored and their mothers were usually given a small amount of cash to disappear and start a new life. They had to sign a nondisclosure agreement to get the money. There were rumors that some of… some of the relationships weren’t consensual.”

I swallowed hard at Cass’s last words. They chilled me to the bone. If the rumors were true, his father and grandfather had committed felonies that came along with lengthy prison sentences. What if the police report involving Cass’s father had been related to nonconsensual sex? It would make sense that I’d been relieved of the file within minutes of it landing on my desk.

“Your grandmother protected you from all of it,” I offered after I managed to collect myself from the chilling idea thatIhad in fact been the target of the shooting merely because I’d seen only a few lines of a report. I mentally shook my head because it made no sense. If I’d been the target, then why shoot me in the presence of an Ashby?

“Yeah,” Cass murmured. “I was so fucking naive. All those things she’d been teaching me about manners and appearance had been to prepare me for when I was in the hot seat. Even though I was next in line to take over the business, my father was going to make sure I knew my place, just like his father had taught him.”

I reached out to stroke Cass’s cheek as we continued to face each other. When he seemed a little more relaxed, I returned to my original question. “You said she seemed sick when you last saw her?”

Cass nodded. “She was wearing a nightgown that she never would have been caught dead in during daylight hours, much less around the house for all the staff to see. Her hair wasloosely braided and messy, and she was covered in dirt because she’d been working in the garden. Renly, that’s her personal butler, had told her of my arrival but when she saw me, she’d forgotten that Renly had told her I was there. She… she hugged me. Mother Ashby… um, my grandmother, she never hugged anyone, even me. Not real hugs, anyway. Even when I was really little and tried to hug her, she told me that hugging wasn’t proper because it was a sign of weakness. Butthatday, she hugged me, and she was crying because she was so happy to see me.” He paused for a moment.

“I’ve never seen her cry before,” Cass mused. He shook his head as if to clear his thoughts. “Anyway, when I talked to her, I realized she’d changed mentally. She still recognized me, but she thought I was home because I’d finished my last tour.”

“Wait,” I interjected. “Are you saying she didn’t know you’d been in prison?” I asked in disbelief.

“Yeah, I guess I am,” Cass said as if he were hearing the words being spoken aloud for the first time. “Some kind of dementia. That was what Renly told me. She’s been sick for several years.”

“So that’s why she didn’t come to your trial or try and bail you out.” I was in complete shock, but my heart hurt for Cass. He’d spent two years believing the person who’d raised him, the woman who’d loved him as if he’d been her own child, hadn’t come to help him because she’d chosen not to.

“Renly told me that as soon as my father found out she was sick, he ordered her staff to keep her in her wing of the house and to not let anyone from the outside or even the family to see her. She’s been locked away for four years,” Cass explained. I could hear the despair and guilt in both his words and the way he held his body. I knew what he was going to say next, but it wouldn’t matter if I tried to stop him from speaking the wordsbecause they’d fall on deaf ears. He was never going to forgive himself.

“If I’d only come home as soon as I was discharged,” he said. “I’d been planning to, but I wanted to see your family first. Then you and I started…” Cass let his words fall off and dropped his eyes.

I didn’t encourage him to continue, nor did I tell him to stop. He had to make the decision for himself whether he wanted to confront his guilt or compartmentalize it like he’d done with so many of his other emotions. When it came time for him to start opening those boxes, I’d be there every step of the way. I hadn’t compartmentalized my own emotions; I’d chosen to outrun them, to attempt to numb myself from them. It seemed neither approach had done either of us any good.

I dropped my arm so I could join our hands. Cass instantly opened his fingers so I could link them with mine.

“If I’d just gone to see her, I could have done something. I could have stopped my father from leaving her trapped in her lonely little world with only a garden full of roses to keep her company.”

“Cass,” I breathed softly. “I know you don’t want to hear the words, but I want you to try and hear them a different way, okay? I know that doesn’t make sense but just listen, okay?”

Cass automatically nodded, though I wasn’t sure if he was really paying attention or if he was still caught up in thoughts of how he believed he’d failed his grandmother.

“After I left the cabin, Sully found me, and we had a long talk. He didn’t want to tell me the truth about the shooting, but he knew he couldn’t keep it from me anymore. As he was telling me about… about that night, I realized what he was saying didn’t make sense. When I did put together the pieces and understoodIwas the shooter’s original target and the other shootings werejust a cover to throw off the police, I wanted to die then and there.”

Cass jerked his eyes back to mine. “What?” he asked, his voice heavy and angry. “You weren’t responsible for what happened that night. You didn’t kill those three people. There was no way you could have known—” He stopped abruptly when he said the words. The same words I wanted him to hear, but for the guilthecarried. He was silent for a long time before he murmured, “I guess that’s something you can never really get rid of, no matter how many times someone tells you it’s okay to let it go.”

“No, you can’t,” I agreed. “Have you confronted your father about his treatment of your grandmother?”

---