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“JJ, don’t do this,” I breathed against his mouth. I kissed him hard. The need for oxygen was the only thing that allowed him to end the kiss.

“Who was I this morning? Who did you miss this morning?” he pressed.

“You—”

JJ was the one to shake his head this time. I could feel my heart being ripped apart bit by bit.

This was supposed to be okay.

This was all supposed to have been okay.

We’d been punished enough.

We’d suffered enough.

We’d lost enough.

“He was lucky,” JJ said with a sad smile. His cheeks were damp, and his voice was so rough it was hard to hear him. “YourJJ. He was so lucky to have had you for as long as he did, Cass.”

I’d called him that the night before. I’d called him “my” JJ.

“No,” I ground out when JJ tried to step back. I kissed him with everything I was. All my passion, love, hate, rage… I put it all into the kiss.

Our last kiss.

“No,” I whispered against his lips.

“Shhhh,” JJ returned. “Close your eyes, Cass.”

“No,” I responded, though it came out sounding like the plea it was rather than the demand I wanted it to be.

“Close your eyes, Cass. Please. For me.”

I felt like I’d swallowed a mouthful of cotton. I couldn’t deny him. As much as it fucking hurt, I couldn’t deny him.

I closed my eyes.

“You have to let me go, Cass,” JJ pleaded as his arms went around my neck. I pulled him against my body and held him for as long as I could.

It wasn’t long enough.

I was losing him all over again. As much as it hurt, deep down I knew what I wanted wasn’t fair. I wanted him to go back to a life he didn’t remember. I had absolutely no doubt that I loved JJ—all of him—with my entire being, but I couldn’t expect him to look in the abyss of his past and see something, feel something that wasn’t there.

“Let me go, Cass,” JJ choked out.

“Never, JJ,” I whispered in his ear even as I released him. “Never,” I said simply because I needed him to know that even if we couldn’t be what we’d once been, I would never let him go. He would always be a part of me even if I couldn’t be that for him.

He slipped from my hold and moved past me. I was relieved when I heard his footsteps above my head. He was going to the bedroom, not leaving the cabin. He was safe.

JJ was safe.

That was all that mattered.

I’d keep him safe while I searched for the person or people who’d tried to take him from me, then I’d do what I should have done all along. I’d do what JJneededme to do so he could move forward with his life.

I’d let him go.

CHAPTER 18

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