Page 66 of Proof

Nothing else.

Just lust.

Like all the men who’d looked at me in every piece-of-shit bar I’d spent my nights in for the past year. The reminder of everything I’d done, everything I’d allowed others to do to me allowed that cruel little voice to remind me I wasn’t good enough for the man in front of me.

Cass’s approach made me feel like I was some kind of prey facing its inevitable demise. My heart began to beat frantically in my chest as the weak-assed armor I’d tried to encase it in began to crack.

I didn’t want this.

Except that I did.

Cass’s hands came to rest on the wall, one on each side of my head. I couldn’t speak as I waited for him to shove his groin against mine.

How many times had I been in this same position? Letting guys manhandle me because I knew it turned them on? Welcoming every hard, denim-covered dick that pressed against mine as ugly, degrading names and suggestions had been whispered in my ear? How many times had I wondered if any of the guys would be different… if they’d make me feel something real?

“Hey,” Cass said softly, the tip of his nose brushing teasingly against mine, putting his mouth dangerously close to my own. The move felt as intimate as a kiss. His warm, soothing voice as he spoke that one single word did what it was supposed to. I focused all my attention on Cass and ignored every memory that the idea of rough, ugly sex had stirred up.

He repeated the move. I couldn’t help but close my eyes. When the caress ended, I let out a rush of air that had been trapped in my lungs. Cass was watching me intently when I finally managed to open my eyes. Gone was the emotionless lust,the blank eyes, and the eager cock. Well, that last part was still there, but the man standing before me was the man I’d come to find.

“I know you don’t remember a lot of things, but somewhere inside of you, deep inside, you know that I would never hurt you. That I would never make love to you in a place like this,” Cass continued.

I found myself nodding without even needing to think about it. I’d already known he’d never hurt me, but I hadn’t given much thought to a scenario like the one we were currently in. Not only would Cass never physically hurt me, he also wouldn’t degrade and humiliate me, even if I tried to goad him into it with false bravado and crass language. The part about making love was harder to accept. I’d never heard those words before. I’d never expected to, either, because no one made love to the neighborhood cock slut.

“Cass,” I whispered.

“Yeah?” Cass’s mouth was so close to mine that if I moved just the tiniest bit, our lips would touch the next time he spoke. I shifted my eyes from his because I couldn’t handle the hunger I saw in them. The same hunger he’d see in my eyes. Hunger and so much more.

That was when I saw the bathroom door.

“You closed the door,” I blurted. Cass had closed and locked the door behind us forme. To keepmesafe. “Cass, the door—” I said as I tried to pull free of his hold so I could open it for him.

His hold on me was gentle but somehow still unbreakable.

“Cass,” I tried again, but then his lips were skimming the shell of my ear.

“Turns out that if I’m with the right person, I kind of like being hidden away from the rest of the world,” he whispered into my ear.

When Cass pulled back so he could look me in the eye again, all the emotions that had been ripping me to pieces dissipated, leaving only one behind. The one that had been a part of me for so long, even during my black hole of lost time.

I wanted to say the word to him. I wanted so badly to put it between the two other smaller words so he’d know how I really felt about him. I wanted him to say it back to me.

Except he wouldn’t be speaking to me.

He’d be saying the cherished words to a ghost.

“I’ve never done that,” I said shakily as I tried to collect myself. “Make love,” I stammered as I recovered from the near disaster.

I felt Cass’s smile rather than saw it. He’d moved in close enough that his lipswerebrushing mine as he spoke. “Me either,” he admitted sheepishly. I closed my eyes in glorious anticipation of finally feeling his mouth moving over mine again, but it never came. Instead, the hands holding my wrists loosened, then dropped away. The heat that Cass’s body had enveloped mine in evaporated. The mouth that had brushed briefly against my own with the weight of nothing more than a feather floated away like it had never been there to begin with.

I forced myself to keep my eyes closed as I listened to the soft thud of retreating footsteps. For once, I wished for the blinding pain to burst to life behind my eye, but karma once again intervened. I wasn’t going to be able to escape so I could hide my feelings. The second I opened my eyes, Cass would see everything, and since he hadn’t taken what I’d been freely offering, it meant one thing.

He remembered who I was.

Or rather, who Iwasn’t.

I may not have had the blinding pain in my head to help me, but humiliation made up for it. I opened my eyes but kept my head down. “I should go,” I said as I bolted for the door. I didn’teven manage to get it open before Cass slammed it shut again with his hand and held it there.

“It’s not safe, JJ,” Cass said, though I could barely hear him because of the roaring sound in my ears. Heat was spreading along my shoulders, neck, and face.

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