Page 71 of Love Harder

This was my mind frame when trying to deal with yet another heartbreak.

I tried not to let yet another failed attempt at love get me down, but it was fucking hard.

Brooklyn was supposed to be different, and again, I felt so incredibly stupid for believing in “love.”

So for me, when trauma occurs, I can either write or I can’t. And for months after my divorce, I couldn’t write a single word. I was terrified I was about to face the same fate.

But alas, besties, what you hold in your hands is what happens when someone’s heart gets broken. Words saved me, and perhaps, I wrote this for me. I wanted to print it to look back on a time in my life when I wanted to give up, but I didn’t.

And I hopeLOVE HARDERcan provide the same comfort for you.

Never give up because life is full of lessons, good and bad. Just remember, those scars we all have, we’re braver than what tried to break us.

Be fucking proud.

So, Brooklyn, I thank you for being a chapter I didn’t see coming. Thanks for the memories…regardless of the fact you did what you promised you said you’d never do.

Now, let me revisit what I just said because something incredible has happened…But alas, besties, what you hold in your hands is what happens when someone’s heart gets broken. But it’s also what happens when someone’s heart gets healed.

Life likes to throw me plot twists too, dear reader, because this chapter was unplanned. I accepted the four men you’ve just read about as a lesson learned and slapped a “do not resuscitate” on these “relationships” because these men were dead to me.

But it appears the best was yet to come. And I mean that in every literal way.

And that’s what brings us to man number five.

Surprised?

Yes, me too.

You’ve read my history with love. Some love affairs I wish I could forget. Others, a learning curve that taught me so much.

I never gave up on finding love. But I was beginning to think this crazy little thing called love was nothing but fiction.

But perhaps that was because…I was just looking in all the wrong places.

The Unicorn was able to achieve in less than twenty-four hours what my husband could not in ten years.

Don’t be looking at me with those judgy eyes.

I’m not just talking sexually because we all know that is a minuscule part of what I look for.

He seemed to have that something, something, and then some…I was so fucking screwed.

Life has a funny way of yelling SURPRISE, expecting you to keep up when you’re driving blind. Like all monumental moments in life, he entered my world when I least expected it.

Writing about him will prove to be the hardest thing I’ve ever written. How will I ever find the right words to express myfeelings for the man who changed my world? No words will ever be enough.

He was my type which always equates to trouble and tears.

But he impressed me from the get-go.

I don’t know why or how.

I never do.

He had that something, something that I look for and the past has proven that that something, something always ends in a little something called heartache.

We matched.

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