Page 7 of Love Harder

We merely spoke about what we liked in the bedroom because we both agreed communication was the key to great sex.

Being attracted to someone physically was only a small part of what I looked for. I needed all the boxes ticked.

Intellect.

Heart.

Soul.

I needed all of these factors before I even contemplated going on a date.

Ghost had them all.

So if we vibed sexually, I knew I was in trouble.

And so did he.

He was an alpha in every sense of the word, but his kink was that he liked to please. He confessed to sleeping with quite a few girls, but said he, too, was fussy. He was all about people’s energy, and if their energy didn’t mix, then neither were they.

Even though we had now ventured into the forbidden land of sex talk, we never engaged in sexting. It was merely two adults discussing our likes and needs because it was apparent this was where our relationship was headed.

He messaged me every single morning from the day we met, wishing me a beautiful day.

I really loved that.

He was wedging his way into my world, and I found myself giddy the moment I saw his name light up on my phone, alerting me to a message. He was so thoughtful. Always asking how my day was and then went on to give me a rundown of his.

During this time, we sent one another maybe three or four photos, not many at all because our attraction wasn’t based on looks, but we connected on an entirely different level. It wasn’t shallow. We didn’t fill our time with small talk.

What we spoke about was real.

I got hooked and hooked hard. This had never happened before so quickly. When I say I’m fussy, I mean it. I know there is no such thing as perfect, but Ghost was coming close to it.

He had a degree in literature. Wrote screenplays. Acted. Loved cinema and theater. And he was as big of a nerd as I was. We both were interested and involved in fitness and art. It was just another thing we had in common.

He wasn’t afraid to share his life experiences with me—the good and the bad. I did the same.

I told him about the relationship I was in with Mr. J prior to him, hoping it would help him understand why I might grow distant at times. When I got too close, I ran. He said he did the same thing and promised to chase me if I ever ran.

He made it clear he didn’t want me talking to anyone else as he was my “new guy.” He was possessive and so damn dominant—I didn’t stand a chance.

Ghost was so honest and expressive. He gave me so much. He would apologize if he didn’t reply promptly. He never left me on read, something I really appreciated. He answered every question I asked and was sure to give me time.

He told me his friends had encouraged him to join the world of online dating to get out there and meet new people. But he confessed he didn’t think it would take this long to get over his ex. I shared my experiences with him and said most times, we don’t get over anything.

We just learned to deal with the pain.

His reply was him waving a big red flag. But I didn’t see the warning signs because I didn’t want to.

I try to be as expressive as I possibly can. I don’t want people to think I’m dull or careless because it’s the opposite. That was so beautifully written and so well said—holy shit. I was going to ask how does one move on, but I think you’re right. One doesn’t truly move on. Their lives just go on regardless of the memories and pain. I think the most important part is remembering why you left. You’re so strong for doing it, and look at you now. You’re absolutely killing life and making so much progress. I’m waiting for my turn to catch up. It’s a long process, I know, but life’s going to make me wait. I need to work for it more. I hope you have an amazing day full of love and happiness!

This message is an example of what Ghost would send. It’s not a word-for-word account but a summary of the shit he would send.

To understand my story, you need to read the messages sent between us to see why I fell the way I did. This isn’t love bombing in the traditional sense, this is someone opening up their heart to another human being.

He told me he couldn’t stop thinking about me and had never wanted a girl more than he did me. He said the attraction he felt for me and how much he wanted me was something he never felt before. That our connection was on a whole different level.

I liked that because I felt the same way.

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