Page 43 of Love Harder

I wasn’t disappointed. I was surprisingly numb. I hate that that’s how I am. I guess being burned one too many times has, in fact, taught me something.

I accepted that Dimples was just another man who could be added to the DNF list.

However, when he messaged and said he could now come over, I was surprised once again. Was he playing games with me? Testing me to see if I was someone who would accept sloppy seconds?

I told him I wasn’t available because I wasn’t. I may not have had plans with someone else, but I had plans with my self-respect. There was no way I was setting this precedence early on. This wasn’t okay, and I wanted him to know that.

He apologized and said that he wanted to see me, but he had also agreed to help out a friend. He seemed genuine. He also sent many voice messages reiterating that he wanted to see me.

In the end, I believed him.

His voice didn’t betray any deceit. So I agreed to see him two days later.

Oh, dear reader, your narrator clearly has amnesia when it comes to cute boys.

We both knew where this was headed, so I asked him to bring some protection. Safe sex is important. He made a comment that I liked; he hadn’t presumed sex was on the agenda.

I honestly wasn’t expecting much, and that’s when most of my troubles begin. The moment I opened my door, I got the same feelings I did with every other man who left me brokenhearted.

Oh boy…

It didn’t help that the opening line he fed me was, “I believe I owe you something.” In which he gripped my chin and kissed the ever-living fuck out of me.

We all know where this is headed…

We had amazing sex, the kind of sex where you just lose yourself and forget your own name kinda sex.

I was so screwed in every literal way that there was.

Once I got the feeling back in my legs, we spoke for a very long time. It surprised me. I thought this was just supposed to be a hookup. So why was he still here? And why was he making conversation?

He stayed for hours. We spoke about lots of things. He was so articulate. He was also very driven. I picked up on that early on. I could feel myself going down that fucking rabbit hole again.

We had sex again.

Better than the first time.

Yup, this was headed for heartache and tears.

Once he left, I wrestled with what to do. I knew this couldn’t lead anywhere. Regardless of his maturity, he was at the beginning.

While me? I felt like I was somewhere in-between.

The next day, he messaged, and of course it wasn’t a “hey, what’s up.”

Oh of course not.

It was anIcan’tstopthinkingaboutyouandneedtotasteyouagainkinda message. The type of message that makes you swoon and swoon hard because he felt it too.

He sent voice messages and pictures. He did everything at the beginning that made me believe that perhaps he was different. Perhaps he was the unicorn we’re all seeking to find.

I write that with a bittersweet smile because that’s what Dimples said I was: a unicorn. He said the hotter the girl, the crazier they are. I didn’t really understand this analogy until he sent me a video explaining this principle the next day.

Now I see that the reason a woman may seem “crazy” to a man is because most men push us to the point of insanity where weexplode, frustrated by their mixed signals. Or radio silence. Or the fact they think it’s okay to love bomb us until they move on to the next thing without being honest.

It was New Year’s a couple of days after Dimples came over, and yes, I had a New Year’s kiss that rocked my world. He was tall, Irish, and kissed me until I forgot my own name.

I was surely cured from the Dimples curse.

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