Page 39 of Love Harder

I texted him in the morning, and he sent a message back.

Nothing had changed.

I told him I missed him.

He said he missed me too.

I tried to keep busy during the day, and how I did that was by writing what you’re reading right now.

Words, they’re so powerful.

The only way to properly express how I feel is to have you live through my words in real time. The pain was heavy in my heart, and when I saw my phone ring, the caller being Switzerland, I knew this was really it this time.

He called just as he was about to board. The gesture was so reflective of him.

Always kind to me. Always showed he cared.

He told me about his final day, and we spoke how we usually would.

He said his goodbyes to family and friends, and I could hear they were bittersweet. It’s always hard to leave the ones you love behind, even if a bright future is ahead.

I didn’t want our last goodbye to be tainted with sadness, so I asked him about his plans.

He was ready.

He said something that resonated. Rather, it was what he didn’t say that touched me.

“I just thought I’d call you and say…”

A very long pause.

He finally opted for, “Have a good week.”

I always wondered what he wanted to say as I don’t think have a good week was it.

But in the silence, we can fill in the blanks, and like a choose-your-own-adventure story, I choose to believe he wanted to say he’d miss me too. That being together was fucking incredible, and that we will always share something special.

Sometimes silence speaks volumes, and this was one of those times.

We spoke some more, never any uncomfortable silences. Never a goodbye lingering on the horizon, and I realized that was because this wasn’t goodbye.

Perhaps a goodbye for now?

One can only hope.

As he spoke, it reminded me that I was so glad to have taken a chance on the man who changed my life profoundly.

He said we would speak all the time, and he would let me know when he arrived. It was as if nothing was different, but we both knew that wasn’t true.

The announcements sounded over the speakers, as it was time to board.

I wished him a safe flight and thanked him for calling, as it meant a lot.

And his parting words were so typical of my boy. Always thanking me. Always grateful for me being in his life.

“Thanks for everything. I’ll talk to you soon. Bye.”

And that was it.

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