Page 24 of Love Harder

I knew what this would do to me because this wouldn’t end in a happy reunion. But it would give me answers, and I could only hope it would help me move on.

I am stubborn and tenacious, and I NEVER give up, which is why when Zuko said he was going into the gym in two weeks to talk to Ghost, I said I was going too.

I had two weeks to prepare, but this wasn’t a conversation I could prep for. I knew the moment I saw Ghost, I would know.

I would know if what he felt was real. Or if he was playing me the entire time.

Switzerland was in and out of the picture; more out than in, I guess. My friends told me numerous times to just end it, but I couldn’t. I liked him more than I should. There wasn’t a precise moment when it turned, but I think I just liked him the entire time.

But his silence did hurt.

The lag between replies was answer enough because when a man wants a woman, the woman, she knows. But when a man takes hours to reply when you know he is replying to others, then it’s usually time for a woman to walk away with her pride intact.

But liking someone makes you do some crazy things…

So I just accepted him floating in and out; one foot in, one foot out because soon, both feet would be far, far away as Switzerland wouldn’t be here anymore.

However, seeing him was a nice distraction. He was always kind to me, and I needed that kindness because I knew that seeing Ghost may be far from nice.

I hadn’t told Switzerland about Ghost. I don’t know why. I honestly didn’t think he’d care. He never suspected, or perhaps he did, and he trusted me. But being with him gave me the confidence in myself and also, that good men did exist…and Ghost was not one of them.

Ghost essentially love bombed me, fucked me, and then he left.

There is no other way around it. Regardless of the circumstances he faced, that is what he did. And that is whythere was no fucking way he was getting away with it. I was in a position to right the wrongs of something that was out of my control. I wanted answers.

The more people I spoke to, the more common this practice of ghosting seemed to be. It seemed everyone had their own Ghost, and that really pissed me off.

Suddenly, I wasn’t just doing this for myself; I was doing it for every person who was me. And that gave me the confidence to don my reddest lipstick and kick-ass pumps and walk into that gym like the queen that I fucking am.

The day came, and I was nervous. But I quashed my fears and remembered who I was—I was someone not to be fucked with.

Zuko texted when he was on the way to the gym, and I said I would meet him there a few minutes after. As much as I wanted Ghost to feel the same anguish I did when he left without a word, I asked Zuko to give him the heads-up that I was on the way. If he didn’t want to see me, then I would respect his wishes.

This wasn’t a surprise attack.

I wanted to give him the opportunity to decline seeing me even though he didn’t deserve it.

I arrived at the gym and waited in the car.

I gave myself a pep talk.

I could do this.

I looked at myself in the mirror, and suddenly, I saw something I was damn proud of—I saw strength.

I was a lot stronger than I ever thought I was. Doing this took balls, so I walked into that gym with nothing but confidence in every step when Zuko gave me the green light.

There was a huge window I had to walk in front of, and I strutted my shit (think Julia Roberts inPretty Woman;“Big mistake! Big! Huge!”)because I realized I did nothing wrong here. Ghost was the one at fault. The ghoster usually is.

So I opened the door with poise and grace, and when our eyes locked…I realized that everything was going to be all right.

Months of torment and tears all led to this moment, and it was my time to get the answers I deserved.

He looked so damn hot. I hated him. My feelings for him hadn’t shifted an inch. If anything, seeing him made me realize how hard I had fallen. But I didn’t let it show.

I smiled.

He smiled.

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