Page 14 of Love Harder

His hands healed me in every single way.

We had spoken over the past few days about his birthday, which was tomorrow. He said he never celebrated it, so I wanted to make it special this year.

I hinted I wanted to get a gift, but he objected to that strongly. He said what we did the night we first met was gift enough.

He never asked me for anything, so I got him something small, but it meant the world.

Superman is an important part of my life, since I was a child, as he reminds me of my dad. So because Ghost was soon becoming my Superman, I got him something to represent that.

It was small—a Superman key chain with a little blackboard for a card which read:

You’re my Superman.

Happy Birthday x

He opened it and instantly put the key chain on his keys. It meant so much to us both.

I also gave him a cupcake with a candle and sang him “Happy Birthday.” He was touched, like it was something no one had ever done for him before.

He ate the cupcake, then kissed me with frosting all over his mouth.

Those were happier times.

We kissed that night at my door, unable to say goodbye. He said he would organize another date at the zoo or aquarium this time, as he knew I loved animals.

We made such big plans.

He slapped my ass as he always did, and then he left.

But those plans never came to fruition because that kiss, that intense kiss, was to be our last…I just didn’t know it yet.

Good night, beautiful. I hope you have an amazing sleep full of beautiful dreams. I miss you so much, you sexy fucking goddess. I shall speak to you in the morning.

That was what I woke to.

I had fallen asleep and didn’t receive his message until the morning and only awoke to another message he sent early in the day.

Thank you for my gift. I really love it, and I will cherish it. Now, I feel like Henry Cavill more than ever. I hope you had an amazing sleep and don’t feel too crippled. I’m sorry I’m hard to read. I don’t try to be. You’re way too beautiful.

I had messaged him before I went to sleep that he was hard to read, which he was. My overthinking brain began to tick over the moment he left. I wish it would stop. But something so perfect can’t be real. History has proven this.

You’re so welcome. Hope you have a beautiful birthdayI may be a little crippled, but well worth itand please don’t be sorry! I guess it’s always different seeing someone in person as opposed to messaging and if those feelings reflect into real life. It’s always different for me. Wanted to know how you feel, I guess?

I didn’t hear from him until after work. It touched me that he always messaged the moment he finished.

My day has been really great, not as depressing as I thought it would be. I’m sorry you’re sore haha, but I definitely did warn you it’d be like that. I feel okay, sweetness, like you’re beautiful and have one of the purest souls I’ve ever encountered. If I seem distant, it’s only because I haven’t really been with anyone else, and I think the fact that I’m still in the process of healing from my past means I can become stuck in my head a bit. Like you’re perfect in every way, I am just adjusting to the fact I’m not with that said person.

Thank you for being honest. You’re so emotive and expressive. It’s beautiful to read. You’re not distant. Just hard to read, I guess. But that’s so okayI too get in my head, and I like you…a lot, and I’m scared. We’re both healing, it seems, but I want you to know I would never hurt you. I will always respect your decisions. I just ask, if you’re comfortable doing so, that you tell me what you’re thinking ’cause I overthink, and for thepast two years, I’ve been mentally destroyed. So I don’t want to assume anything. Prefer to ask you if I’m curious. And vice versa.And on a side note, I never want any pressure. Things are easy between us. And I really love that.That’s why I overthink because you are everything that I want.And in regard to healing, sometimes we just learn to deal with the loss and start over, I guess, but never really get over it. But we learn from it and appreciate it for what it was and grow from it. That’s how I see things with my past because it’s the past, and that’s where I want it to remain. Although it still hurts sometimes, I remember why I left and who I am now, and how much happier I am. Then the pain lessens, and I appreciate who I am now and how that person is happier because of those life lessons. You have to experience the darkness to appreciate the light, and you and your cute teeth are my light x

I think it’s important to be expressive, though I have a hard time doing it, especially when it’s in my head, like I can be bubbly and full of laughter or completely quiet and in deep thought the next moment. I spend a lot of time running through scenarios. I didn’t think it’d take me this long to try to heal from it, and yes, like you, I am scared too. My relationship was a third of my life, and sometimes it hurts that I do not have that relationship with that person. I’m still accepting things.

Our texts grew so intense, and it soon became our norm. This was how we conversed, and I loved it. But I worried all the talk of the past might taint what we have.

I’ve been thinking about the above, and I don’t want our pasts to taint anything between us. How about we focus on the future and not the past? Let’s make happy, fun memories together involving cute animals and youslappingmybutt?

He of course put my mind at ease with his beautiful words and heart.

Your words really do touch my soul, and I definitely needed to hear it. I always try to focus on the future and strive toward something. Regardless of the weight of my past. We are both victims of troubled relationships, and I envy your outlook on life. It’s so beautiful and motivational. I can only hope mine is as strong-willed as yours. I am trying, though! Nothing but the future…no past, just present day and what comes beyond. Cute animals? Butt slapping? Darling, you already got me intertwined.

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