Page 52 of Love Harder

The next day, they both posted the same thing—early morning smoothies.

I don’t need to draw a Venn diagram. We know where this is headed.

I think it’s safe to assume they spent the night together if their early morning drinks were anything to go by. He wasn’t being secretive about it, so I guess he didn’t see an issue with what he was doing.

It cheapened everything we shared.

It felt as though I fabricated this entire thing between us.

If I had any doubts about his intentions with his new squeeze, he wrote publicly on her posts that she was so beautiful. Drooling and love eyes emojis in case she missed the memo. Funny, he said the same thing to me, emojis included.

He followed her best friend, and if I needed any more proof, he FINALLY opened my messages a day later and left me on read.

Yup, that’s all I was worth to him.

After patiently waiting for someone who I thought was waiting for me, Dimples ended whatever we were with silence.

That hurt.

It hurts because today is the day that this happened. I’m sitting here writing as I always do to help deal with these feelings I don’t understand. I don’t understand when the shift happened. Or why, especially when he promised me that nothing had changed.

The day he told his new squeeze she was so beautiful was the same day he sent me those messages you just read.

How does one think it’s okay to send something like that to one woman and say something to another?

It’s not okay.

What Dimples did is not okay at all.

In a sense, I feel relief that I wasn’t going crazy. That my gut feelings were, in fact, real. When I questioned Dimples, he would assure me things were okay. But they weren’t. And that’s why I kept asking him if he had lost interest because he had.

What I don’t understand is why he never took the outs?

I gave him so many. Yet he stayed. He promised nothing had changed, and I believed him. I mean, why would he lie?

What did he have to gain by stringing me along?

I still don’t know. And I don’t think I ever will.

Telling a girl that she’s beautiful and promising me on the same day we were Kosher is a deal-breaker for me. I do not intend to find out what went wrong because I wouldn’t believe a word.

History proved time and time again that Dimples is nothing but a liar, but I chose to ignore the signs because I didn’t understand why he would humor me for months if he didn’t mean a word of what he said. What did he gain from it?

We saw one another twice.

That’s all.

But our situationship lasted for months.

During that time, we got to know one another, and the distance apart didn’t divide us. We both stuck through it, only for it to end like this.

I don’t understand why he would put such an effort into “us.” Because when he could have me, he didn’t want me. But when he was away, he gave me the boyfriend experience.

Perhaps one day, I will get the answer I seek. But for now, Dimples doesn’t deserve a second thought.

My cheerleaders have given me a reprieve, but the inevitable “I told you so” lingers. I always knew we came with an expiration date, but I honestly never foretold that it would end this way.

Perhaps, I pushed him away with my insecurities. But it seems they were warranted because he did exactly what I thought he would.

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