Page 38 of Love Harder

I put my shoes on, and he waited for me in the living room.

Once my laces were tied, I took one last look around the room and committed it to memory because I knew I would never be here again.

Switzerland wouldn’t be back. He was too stubborn not to succeed. He would throw everything at his new life, and I knew he wouldn’t give up. A trait of his I always admired.

Now, it just hurt.

It’s amazing how a place can affect you so.

Or a smell.

Or a hole in the wall where the possum once lived.

Or even a spilled coffee stain on the curtain.

All of these little things mark that particular moment or place special because they will always remind you of a moment in time. A moment you can never relive.

I would never make any new memories with Switzerland, so I ensured to hold on to the ones I made with him in this very room.

We laughed a lot.

We spoke for hours.

He called me his girl as he kissed my shoulder.

No new memories would ever be made in this room again.

No matter what anyone says, no one is ever ready to say goodbye to someone they don’t want to let go. But I left his room with a happy sadness in my heart.

There was silence between us as he walked me to his door. He complimented me on my shoes.

“So sparkly,” he said, and all I could do was smile.

It’s funny the things we remember when something monumental is about to happen. I’m certain so much more was said, but him talking about my shoes made me happy because he knew how much I love my shoes.

I wasn’t ready.

But the truth is, I never would have been.

He opened the door, and we walked outside.

I turned around to hug him tight, the words stuck in my throat.

“You’re going to live in your house by the sea,” he said, a dream of mine I had shared. “You’re going to kill it. I know it.”

Tears stung my eyes. “Thank you for being so beautiful. My beautiful boy. I’m going to miss you so much.”

“Likewise,” he said softly, hugging me tight. “I’m going to miss you too. I’ll call you from the airport.”

“Safe travels.”

I let him go forever, and my heart, fuck me, my heart was heavy with regret.

I wanted to say more, but there will never be enough words to say goodbye to someone you wanted to love but never could. I looked at him one final time, thankful to have met someone as incredible as him.

I didn’t see Switzerland off at the airport.

I wanted to, but it just didn’t happen.

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