Page 3 of Love Harder

Our conversation would go along the lines of, “How’s Maraca?”

“Maraca? You mean Chicken Skin?”

“Chicken Skin? Was he the one with the balloon dick?”

“Balloon dick? You mean, the one who howled like a hyena when he came?”

“Hmm…that’s Tiny Nipples.”

“Oh shit, that’s right. Maybe he and Leprechaun can dance under the rainbow together in their velour tracksuits.”

For the record, we do not condone the ridiculing of any decent human being, but these men were not decent, and they totally deserved it.

I’ve never settled in life. I’ve always looked for the exceptional because that’s what I want. That’s what I deserve. As clichéd as it is, life is too short to settle for anything less. Even in past relationships, they were exceptional enough for me to commit at the time.

Although they didn’t work, it doesn’t lessen their impact on my life. I connected with them and learned a lot. To connect with a human being is a remarkable thing. It’s rare, but it changes your world forevermore when it happens.

So I went into writing a book about modern-day dating with the same mindset. I wanted to connect with someone who inspired me enough to want to write about them.

Best idea…said no one ever.

It seems not only am I stubborn and fussy, but I’m also old-school because the moment a guy asked if I wanted to see his dick, I succumbed to the pressure of society and hit that unmatch button faster than I could scream what in the ever-living donkey dick fuck?

Why do people think it’s common practice to send an unsolicited dick pic? Or even a tit pic?

This behavior is frowned upon in public, so why is it an acceptable online practice? It seems hiding behind a screen name has given many a false bravado where they think it’s okay to behave in such a manner online. Whereas, in real life, one could be arrested for freeing Willy.

The line blurs with online dating because one has no repercussions for their actions. They think behaving a certain way is okay because no one can see them. No one knows who they truly are. They can remain incognito, forever hiding beneath theHarry Potterinvisibility cloak while sending random people pictures of their pink bits.

What’s the worst that can happen?

Well, the worst that can happen is this memoir because your beloved narrator fell for someone. Actually, she fell for more than one someone. And damn, did she fall hard. She fell so hard for one man in particular, she thought he could possibly be “the one.”

He promised me he was different, only to be worse than anyone ever before him. I told him what broke me, only for him to break me even more.

But you see, our man of the hour, he thought he could ghost me… Well, he thought wrong.

Ghosting.

Another term coined by online dating.

Most know what ghosting is, but for those viewers at home who don’t, ghosting is another word for a man or woman being a fucking coward. They’d rather not have an adult conversation and be honest. Or maybe they’re just a lying asshole who, once they’ve had their fun, show their true colors, and that color is bullshit.

All in all, ghosting someone is when someone cuts off contact with someone without giving said person any warning or explanation for the silence. The ghostee feels powerless because they aren’t given the opportunity to express their feelings to the ghoster, aka the chickenshit.

It is emotionally cruel because it is done with intent.

The ghostee is then left with questions that, in most cases, remain unanswered, and therefore, this experience may trickle into future relationships and cause trust issues because once a ghostee, always a ghostee.

How do I know so much about ghosting?

Well, I’m a ghostee.

Shock.

Horror.

I know.

---