Page 28 of Love Harder

He knew what he was doing when he chose to ignore my many messages, messages that were filled with love. Messages that expressed my pain that he was MIA.

But he didn’t care because he chose the easy way out instead of being a decent human being.

“She wanted to reconcile, and ten years…it’s a long time.”

“Yeah, you said that.”

Each time he spoke, he just appeared sadder and sadder.

I didn’t understand it.

Wasn’t he back with her because he was unhappy without her? He certainly didn’t look any happier now.

So I asked the inevitable. “Are you happy?”

He looked at me, really looked at me, and sighed; a long-winded breath.

“Umm…”

The pause and noncommittal response were answer enough.

A small part of me was pleased to hear that he wasn’t happy—I hated that part. That part needed to say ten Hail Marys and repent for being such a shitty human being.

Why was he with her when it’s apparent he was clearly unhappy?

I didn’t understand this.

“Was everything you said a lie, then? Or was it genuine? Was it real? Were we?”

His expression softened. “Of course it wasn’t a lie. Itwasreal. My feelings were real. Everything was. I still wan—”

I waited for the punchline, but there was none.

It was real, but in the end, I wasn’t enough for him…but that’s okay because I realized something, and that was…I was too much.

Too much heart.

Too much kindness.

And too much love.

The simple fact is that Ghost didn’t deserve me.

I wanted a man who wanted me as much as I wanted him.

I wanted a man who fought for me. Not someone who couldn’t have the common decency to tell me he had rekindled with his wife.

That man is a man I do not want.

No woman should because, ladies…we deserve more.

We deserve our fairy-tale ending because…

We.

Are.

Worth.

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